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coming up to 1 year

11 Oct 2019 07:56

hello all, 

 

next week will be the 1 year anniversary to my step mums passing from various health reasons but lung cancer the main one, the doctors always said the cancer wouldnt get her and that it would be her heart and i suppose they both did, she passed on my dads birthday which is bad but we all knew it would be his last has he had terminal cancer which was progressing at a fast rate, so not only did we lose mum that day we lost dad in some way because he went into decline, and i nursed him for 7 weeks until he went to be with her, so next week is approaching and i feel nothing but dread, dread for the memories and the sadness to come ... i miss her loads she was so kind and funny and everyone knew her where we lived she was a legend but i feel we never grieved her passing because we all went into looking after dad.. 

how will we get through this date ? 

does it get easier ? cos when the sadness hits me i put it in a box in my head and lock the lid im not ready to open the wound. 

 

L x 

coming up to 1 year

13 Oct 2019 16:00 in response to daddiesgirl44

Hi L, 

I don't think anything I can say will make this any easier but I want you to know that many of our members know how difficult the 1st anniversary can be and I'm sure some of them will be along soon to offer their support and advice.

We'll be thinking of you next week L.

Kind regards,

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

coming up to 1 year

13 Oct 2019 18:17 in response to daddiesgirl44

Hi we have spoken before .did you get any counciling sometimes things can be just a bit to hard to get over on our own if you havnt then its not to late you can get stuck in grief .but your gp can help you know but if your trying to deal with this on your own your never going to get through this you have to get out there and find help it will not come knocking at your door i know you have had a terrible time theres th pain like loosing a loved on  time now to get help i know they say theres no time limit to grief but if its iaking your life a misery time to do something sorry i seem hard i dont mean to be but all the sympathy in the world will not get you out of this misery your stuck in you can get counciling from hospice they have the experianc if you have had counciling perhaps you need some more myself i make a point of not remembering dates to protect myself but rhats me if you show counciler your post that will give them an insight of how your suffering my very best wish and hope you can pull yourself through you were a brilliant carrer now time to care for tourself .paul

coming up to 1 year

13 Oct 2019 18:40 in response to daddiesgirl44

Sorry 

coming up to 1 year

13 Oct 2019 18:54 in response to daddiesgirl44

Dear L, 

 

Think of it this way, there is a box in your head and it's not full of dreadful thoughts, think of the happy, funny, sometimes sad, relaxing moments you had with your stepmum and dad. It won't be easy but hopefully it will relieve some, maybe a little pain that your feeling. There is no such thing as forgetting or 'moving on', you just have to realise what happened. process it, spend as much time as you need, and finally put it to one side, trust me, and continue with your life, move forward. You know it will always be with you, but hopefully after some time you will not be grieving and only think of happy thoughts. As i said, it will be hard, but sometime sooner or later you have to face it, otherwise, you won't know how to cope and deal with this painful situation. 

You are strong inside, you have a life, they are in a better place, together, watching over you, even though they may not be with you, they are with you in spirit. They wouldn't want to see you like this. 

Sending all my love, 

B x

coming up to 1 year

14 Oct 2019 07:30 in response to Moderator Steph

thank you just feel worse and worse as thursday looms x 

coming up to 1 year

14 Oct 2019 07:33 in response to Paulus

thank you paul, ive not had anytime to make time for councelling i need to tho so thank you

coming up to 1 year

14 Oct 2019 07:37 in response to brifbri

hello 

thank you for the reply,  as the days loom on im getting more anxiety about the date, i feel like im doing ok and dont know how i will be on the day its just hard cos its the 1st anniversay of mums death and dads birthday, we all knew it would have been dads last birthday so all planned to do special things for him but mum beat us too it and passed away she said she didnt fancy going out for a meal well that got her out of it hahaha she never did anything she didnt want to do x 

i keep thinkging of the good times but you cant stop sad memories popping in there too 

 

L x

coming up to 1 year

14 Oct 2019 21:45 in response to daddiesgirl44

So sorry will be thinking of you this/next week