Hi ya ...

So sorry it wasn't the news we'd all hoped for you, but if anyone can find the strength to take it on , you can ... so wer all here, right by you ... 

Jolomine had two bouts and she's done really well ... so can you ... your needed to much here ... so you kick it's *** again ..  Chrissie x

Thanks Chriss,

It was what I expected deep down I think.  From the moment I found the lump I think I've known my time would be limited.  Still, not necessarily all that limited and anyone could get killed in an accident tomorrow, so it's just about planning for living but ensuring I live life to the full and that I have everything organised for if/when the worst happens so it's no harder on my man than it needs to be.

I think they'll look again at the lesion in my brain as that was diagnosed as being caused by my migraines prior to them knowing I had breast cancer.  But when it comes to signs of secondary cancers I'm scuppered because I've had pain everywhere since I was 16 so I really wouldn't know if my bones started to ache, when do they not ache!  As for pain in my head... between hemiplegic migraines and ice pick headaches I'll have a hard time knowing :D

Mum's taking it hard cause she feels guilty, what with probably being the gene carrier.  She'll know that's ridiculous, but then I keep apologising to cousins that they're now having to be tested so I can't speak really!!!!  Funny the things we feel bad about.

Will be loving you guys for a long time yet hopefully.

LJxx

Hi LJ,

I haven't been active on here for too long but I read some of your posts & comments & I can see from those that you are facing this with a strong attitude. I'm a Stage 3 melanoma patient who had cancer in 2 of 23 nodes removed from my groin & pelvis 9 years ago. I know it's a different cancer but it's as unpredictable and potentially aggressive as breast cancer (I have the BRAF gene that makes it aggressive) yet I'm still here in remission after 9 years. 

I really hope they find the lesion on your brain is not related and that, with any treatment options & regular scans you are here with us for many years to come. Keep living life to the full x

Thanks Angie, me too (in that I want to be on here talking to you all for years to come).

I'm not down about it thankfully, no point as it really is a complete who knows.  Bizarrely I could be completely cured, or I could be looking at a recurrence already underway, it's such a bizzare situation to be in but in many ways not knowing but having the chance of a shortened life helps you learn to live life :-)  Well I think so anyway.

Will need to broach the subject with my husband at some point to ensure we are both on board with the whole 'living life' thing, but I'm sure he will be.  He has been absolutely amazing and I'm only so upbeat because I wake up to him every day, as such I don't think I have anything to complain about.  Wouldn't be this way if I was still with my ex and still had the ex-mother-in-law in my life, not by a long shot :D

Thanks for your lovely words.

LJx

I found your posts inspiring. I have just been diagnosed with IBC which I believe has been around for about 4 years but the doctors kept telling me it was nothing as it did not show on scans. I am in the middle of CT and MRI scans and on Anastrozole.

I always dreaded getting cancer but now it is here I feel it is just a word and life does not stop. I am trying to remain positive but also realise that the chances that it has spread are high. I am 72 and not ready to die but on the other hand realise I have had a wonderful life and a lovely family. 

The joke is that my dad lived to 97 and my mum is still alive at 98 and all my life people have told me what good genes I have. 

I am sure I will have bad days eg 13th Dec when I get the results but trying to stay upbeat.

Best wishes to all on here

Thankyou so much Dragonfly (also, love the username :) )  Sorry about your diagnosis, what results is it you are waiting for?

Like you my cancer has been around a long time, they reckon I've probably had it for 3 years, but I kept being refused early screening (I'm 42).  If only every lump could be felt, but mine wasn't palpable, with frayed edges it just blended in with my very dense and fibrous breast tissue.

The huge positive to me having breast cancer and them agreeing to do genetic testing (which they always refused to do with my mum the two times she had it) is that my twin and my older sister are now getting early intervention so while obviously they may still get breast cancer some day it will likely be caught early.  Thankfully my older sister adopted so her girls aren't affected, my twin has a son but obviously it's 50/50 whether he has the mutated gene and if he does he won't necessarily pass it on if he has kids.  My first cousins are also getting checked out now.

Like you I can think about the possibility of my life being greatly shortened without it being a downer for me.  Any one of us could die tomorrow so there is little point getting down about the possibility of a shortened life, especially when we can never know for sure.  Like you I've lived my life, I've done a lot of exciting things, and while there are still things I'd love to do I could live to 100 and not have the time to do them all so that's not a negative.

Really my only concern is my husband, twin and parents.  I do really worry about how my husband will cope, I would be devastated losing the love of my life in my early 40s :( and I am quite a bit more resilient than him.  He's also a bit of a loner which makes it very easy for him to get depressed and stay depressed, where currently I take measures (like literally dragging him to the GP) to get him better.  Losing an identical twin is something twins never discuss, it's a complete taboo as it's just unthinkable.  It's so different to losing anyone else in that as well as mementoes etc. reminding you of your twin, YOU remind you of your twin.  Also there can be a loss of identity because you have always been half of a whole and now only half exists.  And my poor parents, I can't even imagine what this is like for them.

So you do sound like you approach it all very much as I do :)  What else can we do really?  We can't change it so it is just about living the best life we can.  I will keep you in my thoughts for the 13th, hopefully the results will be good.

LJx

Hi

I am so sorry your news was not good. I just want to say that you, Jolamine and Chrissie are truly inspirational women. I am new on the boards and my battle is nothing to what you have faced and overcome. Your strength is infectious and I thank you so much for inspiring myself and so many others to keep fighting. 

C x

Thank you so much for what you've said Harvell.  I too have found [@Chriss]‍  [@Jolamine]‍ [@Dizzle82]‍  and many others a huge source of support and inspiration.  I have also found many of the newer members of 'the club' very inspirational, and you are being that way too!

Most of us know little of the reality of cancer when diagnosed and come on here with the negativity of TV and media portrayal affecting our thinking of what's going to happen, just to find out it isn't like that.  In many ways I was lucky that my mum had it young (and again 8 years ago) so I had seen another side to it up close, had spent time in a chemo bay etc. and had a good idea what to expect.  So my personal 'goal' for newcomers is to hopefully dispell some of their fear and anxiety and encourage them to take it as it comes, because the worry just robs us of time and it's pointless (even if their fears are later realised any time they've claimed back from fear is worth it).

Morning twin two ...

What a lovely thread ... agree with everything you've said  ... no one knows what tomorrow brings ... and we all remember that overwhelming scary feeling in hearing those words we all dread .. cancer then becomes the main word, and the word future gets cloudy and unsure ... and we go through all those feelings that change brings along with it .. there's no easy way round feeling them .. 

But it's pushing through those feelings, coz cancer wants us to stay there and give up, and then it becomes stronger... so many old and new have been there ... but the thing this little exclusive club gives us is hope and courage to take cancer on ... and in us getting our boxing gloves on, getting in the ring... and trading it punch for punch ... it's not winning the fight .. it's about giving our best along the way ..

It has taught me to love every day ... smile in that day ...  talk about fears ... share feelings ... never take anything or anyone for granted ... if we make the most of every day , we take something back from cancer ... it may take our bodies, but not our will, love, and thoughts .... but it's a long journey wer all on ..and like you, love the friendship we all get on here ... all so different... but all holding each other up .. 

I know lots with cancer don't like to be called brave ... because there's no choice... but I see warriors on here every day .. from those young ones dealing with, or watching their loved ones go through this journey who should be enjoying their life... not facing this ... to those older ones not only battling the ills of getting old ... but cancer on top .. and all those in between ... love you all ..

Well cancer... you got a fight on your hands ... because together, well take you on ... sorry for the long answer, but feel like you, passionately and here's to our family we've found on here ...

Big hug to you all ...   Chrissie 

Hi TwinTwo

I totally agree with everything everyone has already said..... It must still have been a shock to receive your results even if deep down you might have suspected it. Remember the power of positive thought, whatever the next step is for you go in all guns blazing !!!

I hope you have a very long time planning wonderful things to do with your loved ones. There are medical advances all the time and new treatments to try, you seem a really strong person so hang in there, keep living the life. Good luck with all the future operations.

 Lots of us  here will be thinking of you and wishing you well. 

Evie18 xx