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Cervical cancer

3 Jan 2018 19:38

Hi All,

 

last year, I lost my mother who was my world to cervical cancer with secondary bone cancer. I knew she had cancer from the age of 15, ever since then I’ve never been the same. When she found out after having cervical cancer treatment etc she had secondary bone cancer and had six months to live, I gave up college to look after her at home and she was basically my everything, she had to go to a hospice after a couple of months due to her not being able to go to the toilet and her pain was unbearable, she was the most kindest loveliest lady I’ll ever met, never holds grudges never hated anyone and always thought of her kids. She died eight months after she got the news, It’s now been a year. I feel angry, I never say anything I shout I don’t want to be around people, I constantly miss her and I feel like it’s never going to get better? Will it ever get better because the way I’m feeling I feel like i don’t want to be here anymore, at 19 it’s scary to think you’ll never have your mum back.

Re: Cervical cancer

3 Jan 2018 20:44 in response to Randomness34
Hi It must be awful to lose your Mum at such a young age. Think of what your Mum would say to you. From your post it seems to me that she would want you to get on with your life and make a success of it. The guidance your Mum gave you through your early years has got to be the thing you take strength from. You will never forget her be thankful you had such a good relationship and do her proud. River

Re: Cervical cancer

3 Jan 2018 20:53 in response to Randomness34

Hello there.  I am so sorry you are suffering so much.  It is always hard to lose your mum but especially when it would appear to have been at a young age.  It is clear she loved you very much and you are still suffering very much.  While there is no time limit for grieving by your own description your grief is seriously disrupting your day-to-day life.  I am assuming that you have one or more siblings (you say she loved her kids) - do you talk about your mum and share your feelings between you.  While losing your mum will always be a sorrow you should perhaps get some help to combat the things you mention - shouting and not wanting to be with people.  I am much older than you and still feel sad remembering my own mum's death but I found the grief gradually blended in with normal life and became less acute.  My sister and I still often talk about her.  You might like to consider ringing Cruse Bereavement - they are very experienced at helping people who have lost a loved one.  Their Freefone number is 0808 808 1677.  I feel sure your mum would want you to get through this and not continue to suffer in this way.  If you would like to continue to post here that might help you to put your feelings into words.  Do take care of yourself.  Best wishes to you.

Re: Cervical cancer

3 Jan 2018 21:25 in response to Annieliz

Thank you x

Re: Cervical cancer

3 Jan 2018 21:26 in response to river56

Thank you x

Re: Cervical cancer

3 Jan 2018 21:32 in response to Annieliz

I do have siblings I just don’t like talking about this, especially to my sister, she has kids of her own. I don’t have much family anymore so it’s hard to talk to people about this, today I’m at my lowest I’ve ever been about loosing her. Thank you very much for reppnsding such a hearty message it’s nice to know I’m not the only one that’s still hurting, I don’t like change and this is a massive change for me, I had to move house get a job and greieve at the same time it’s really hard, at the moment I’m still at the angry stage but hopefully I’ll get better soon, again thank you so much x

Re: Cervical cancer

4 Jan 2018 20:34 in response to Randomness34
Be angry - get a punch-bag and go for it! I needed my Mum so many times when I was older than you are - you've been dealt a hard hand. Don't go thinking she was perfect though, and that you don't measure up - when my Mum got cancer, it was like all the bitterness burnt out of her and she became a gentle, lovely person, like how you describe your mother - sometimes suffering does bring out the best in people. So be angry - scream and shout if it helps, but it will get better. xxx

Re: Cervical cancer

4 Jan 2018 20:59 in response to Randomness34

Hi again.  I am pleased you are posting here as it seems that you would be bottling things up otherwise.  You will always find a  welcome response and nobody will be shocked or surprised by what you are going through.  Tree64's suggestion of a punchbag sounds quite good - you can let out some of that which you are bottling up inside yourself.   I try to make myself talk to people, family, friends whoever.  I would sometimes find myself saying nothing about an issue that was eating away at me and I had to ask why.  Was I ashamed not to be coping?   Did I think friends/family would consider I was weak/stupid to have got myself into a situation?  Whatever when I made myself talk I was generally pleased by the outcome. Everybody has issues and I believe most people accept that this is true of all of us and are pleased to help.  "No man is an island" is a very true saying.   The hurt that you are feeling will get easier, more so if you don't reach out to others. Your mum would wish you to live a happy, fulfilled life.