Together we will beat cancer

Donate

Central line

9 Nov 2019 12:01

I have chemotherapy starting shortly. The less said about my feelings over that, the better and is a separate issue. But since I was told I have to get a central line put in, I have been having major panic attacks over it. I feel like I'm being utterly violated. It makes everything really horribly real and I'm petrified of it. I'm petrified of having to see it every day. I'm petrified of something going wrong with it. I'm not bothered about any scar that might be left behind and I understand why I have to have it but I really really need some positive stories about how a central line isn't a big deal because at the moment it is seriously upsetting me and I don't know who else to ask. Thank you. 

Central line

9 Nov 2019 13:07 in response to bakervw

Hi

I has a PICC line during my six month chemo and it was the best thing I ever did.  No pain with insertion, duration and has multi use, so not only used for chemo going in intravenously but also used to take all my blood samples ... so no extra needles in me.  It did not interfere in any of my daily life, I had a specially made cover to wear as well so not in anybody's face.  And matched my clothing . No scar left at all.  Biggest plus no reaction to my skin from any chemo spillage.

Its always the unknown that scares us, but I can assure you this line was a god send in my opinion. All that said not sure where yours would be placed ... mine was on the top underside of my arm 

Hope all goes well, try not to stress ... I know easier said than done

JBee

Central line

9 Nov 2019 13:19 in response to JBee

Was there a reason yours was where it was? They said mine had to be on my chest. I could possibly handle it better if it was under my arm. Where do you get the covers? You're right it is the unknown that scares us. I have 5 months of chemo ahead and I think this line just signifies what is to come (plus I'm really funny about needles) so I do get that it's a good thing but I dont want this thing on my chest for the next 6 months of my life day in day out. I just threw a massive wobbly at my husband and said I'm not getting chemo at all. So there's definitely more to it but I really appreciate your message. It is genuinely good to know that you found it good. 

Central line

9 Nov 2019 14:36 in response to bakervw

Hi my chemo was for bowel cancer, maybe that's why it was positioned there, maybe you could ask them if they could put it there, because even though in my top part of arm it was threaded through to my chest, so why not?  You can only ask.  I felt the same as you, that it would be a constant reminder but it was so comfortable even during sleeping that I honestly just thought of it as a temp accessory.  There was a website I found it on I just googled PICC line covers.  I hate needles too, that's why I was happy about the dual concept, plus they recommend due to if the chemo leaks onto you skin it can really be painful.  
 

I really do understand how you feeling, I cried many times, but once I started I got strength from god knows where.  Every time I would go to sleep saying that's it I'm not having another session, but in the morning I'd get up and do it again.  The felt like time stood still, but before I realised it I was on countdown it actually goes by quickly.

 

i worked nearly every day throughout my chemo, had very little side effects and any I had the Drs gave me something to make it go away, so long as you keep them informed how you feeling.  Trust me if I can do it so can you.  I'm waiting to start radiotherapy which I've never done but here we go again

Please chat to us anytime and keep us updated xx

Central line

9 Nov 2019 14:50 in response to JBee

Mine is breast cancer. Maybe that's why. I'm going to at least ask, thank you. I can handle all the sickness and aches and pains it might throw at me but the hair loss is the big one, no surprises there, it's the one most people can't handle. Being bald and having this visible line are the outward signs of sickness and I don't want to look vulnerable. Throwing a cold cap at it and hoping for the best, got a wig and a million hats on standby anyway. Knowing that you found this line more comfortable has helped me more than you know - just hearing one good reaction to it is enough. It just seems like such a long, long time to have it. I'm only at the beginning of my journey (surgery was a doddle) so it's a really overwhelming prospect, I'm a mum of three very little children and I'm frightened of how they'll handle seeing me go through this more than how I will feel about it myself.

 

Thank you, you've really truly helped. 

Central line

9 Nov 2019 15:18 in response to bakervw

I totally understand you and agree about the hair situation.  My bowel cancer was nearly 5 yrs ago, I'm back again for breast cancer, lucky for me it's been caught really early, through my yearly regular scans so three weeks ago had lumpectomy and lymph node removal, three of them all clear.  So only radiotherapy and tamoxifen been suggested.  So I do understand what you saying, all of them would be my fear too xx

keepyour kids your focus you doing this for them, your family and of course you, stay brave for them, they going to love you unconditionally no matter what.  Humans are amazing we stronger than we think.  I gotbowel cancer 45yrs old, now breast cancer 50yrs old and I'm still here to tell the tale.  Weirdly the surgeries were a walk in the park, I still wear bikinis lol

Im glad I've helped you even if a little, anytime you fancy ranting come back.  We will keep each other's spirits up ❤️

Central line

9 Nov 2019 15:23 in response to bakervw

By the way wigs and hats .... you can really get some beautiful stuff these days, so IF you need it, you'll look like the bomb  but hopefully the cold cap does its job.  I don't know much about that.  By the way since we coming into winter it will be perfectly normal wearing these accessories.... every cloud has a silver lining hun, try wherever possible to look for a positive out of a negative and like I said keep remembering you doing this for your beautiful family x. Children are more resilient than we think and when young they don't judge either 

Central line

12 Nov 2019 07:25 in response to bakervw

Hi

i wanted to see how you getting on?  I hope you ok 

JBee xx

Central line

12 Nov 2019 11:17 in response to JBee

Thank you so much for checking in, particularly as I've just seen this in the middle of yet another freak out over everything. 

I've gone from petulantly stamping my feet saying I wont have the port, insisting ill only have it in my arm, then I'm not going to have chemo at all because what's the point, to digesting the idea of having it in my arm being no better and sobbing to my husband that I'll just have to have the port after all. I don't want it, the idea is completely creeping me out, but there is no option to have it under my arm and if it was in my elbow then that would be worse in reality for me. I just feel like with everything else in this, I'm being pushed into a corner and between a rock and a hard place. I'm terrified of having the port put in but I'm doing it, and it will happen on Monday next week. I'm really upset about it. 

Been buying loads of stuff to get me through the next 5 months of chemo, everything from snake oil eyebrow serum to hundreds of pounds of eye make up, cross stitch kits, colouring books, and then researching and crying over the scalp cooling cap and everything I can do to keep my hair even though its not likely I will. 

I despise every second of this and I'm not in a good place so is really nice of you to think of me x

Central line

12 Nov 2019 11:27 in response to bakervw

Oh huh I'm so sorry theres no alternative to put the line in your upper arm. You have every right to feel the way you do and I wish there was more I could say to help you feel relaxed and a somewhat calm acceptance but sadly I can only support you and let you know I'm thinking of you.  

You will have to just pull up those big girls pants put on a brave face and do it for your family hun. I know it's such a whirlwind right now and it upsets you, but you will get through it all.  I promise

I'm at the hospital now waiting for my oncologist appointment... hate hospitals and have no idea what's to come but it is what it is and I'm going with the flow for now.  

Will update you later.

I love the idea of retail therapy you sound like me Haha... have the stuff I've bought I've never even used BUT it's like a security blanket and I will never stop buying as long as it makes me feel a little better. Hope hubby got a big gold card for you haha

Try enjoy your day ok

JBee xx

Central line

12 Nov 2019 11:31 in response to JBee

Good luck at your appointment. This is the cruellest thing. I never thought I'd be someone posting on these boards going through something like this. My experience of hospitals was mostly to have babies, now it's a whole new world. 

I'm hibernating in bed today, it's definitely a bad one so I have my anxiety meds on hand and going to hide under the duvet. 

Hope you have a good day too xx

Central line

12 Nov 2019 11:52 in response to bakervw

You so right it's very cruel and unfair.  Do what you feel you need to do hun nobody is allowed to judge you, you put yourself where you need to get through the day.  Just know even strangers, like me, care about you, we will all do this together.  Never feel alone ok?

Thanks for the good luck wishes, I have questions galore Haha I'm not going to make it easy but I do want clear justification on what they want to give me as treatment. Albeit that I follow Drs orders normally anyway lol

Speak soon xx