Hi Cg. Thanks for the reply. I'm so sorry that you lost your hubby not long ago I really feel your pain xx 

I feel for you and wish you strength. I lost my husband in august 2015, brain cancer. He was 55. its so hard to accept a strong seemingly healthy man can be gone so suddenly. I can imagine how hard it must be for you to feel positive and how strong of you to able to be so for him. Take care

Hello, Sorry to hear of your troubles, I totally understand where you're coming from. My husband was diagnosed with stage 4 lymphoma and I was his carer until he died a year ago this month. He was 6ft 3 and 16 stone, fit and strong 54 year old but withered away to nothing in the end. I had to remain positive for him all the time which was SO hard because of the emotions and grieving. This year has been hard but it's getting easier, if I can be of any help or you need an ear please feel free to contact me, I've been through it all. Thinking of you

There were so many emotions om a daily basis, desperation, fear, anguish and great sadness. I was fortunate that I was able to care for my husband day and night, towards the end I didnt leave the house at all. I was lucky that a family member moved in with us for 6 of the 8 weeks. My husbands cognition and motor abilties went downhill so shockingly fast. I couldnt have managed on my own as he couldnt be left alone for a single minute. In all the misery it was a blessing that I could keep him at home and didnt need to move him imto hospice.

His family dropped by every day to spend time, or while he could still walk we went to see them amd that felt good to get out. His family helped with practical things, like going to the pharmacy, arranging the hospital bed, bringing food, my fatherinlaw made a ramp so the wheel chair could get in and out of the house.

With the help I had looking back I feel I was able to care for my husband well. The strength I had in those weeks is a strength I am lacking ever since he passed.

How is your day to day..and the nights..looking? I kmow how terribly hard it is emotionally but also physically..it is such a challenge to keep it together. You wonder where we are supposed to find the strength to face eadh day. Please do keep in touch. 

I am sorry to hear of your loss. The past year must have been so hard and I am glad to hear that things are getting slightly better.

 I am trying to come to terms with the loss of my husband. In my thoughts and heart I see him as the strong healthy intelligent and loving man he was, I rarely think of him as sick, which I suppose is lucky. It does make making sense of what actually happened difficult, it seems he was just there and now the hole is so endless and unmanageable.

Would you be willing to think back on your past year, how you approached your day to day living withvyour terrible loss? What has been helpful for you to take care of yourself? It is such a lonely journey missing that one special person. Take care

I think that the depth of loss is the same for us all but of course we all cope in different ways. I have coped day to day. In the beginning there is shock together with so much to do, you feel raw and vulnerable. We had a small private cremation then invited everyone to a memorial six weeks later. Thinking back, just in that time we were able to cope so much better. Don't worry about the nights. You will be so exhausted you will sleep. Take you ipad/book/kindle/animals to bed with you for distraction should you wake. It wasn't that I couldn't think about him but dwelling on what had happened in the wrong frame of mind could make me spiral downwards. The time has sped by and I know that what I feel is the natural path of grief so I just go with it. Sometimes absolutely nothing makes you feel better but that's ok because that too passes. Sometimes it just wells up inside me in the oddest places with no thought process to trigger it. The grief is overwhelming and unpredictable but I think I've made friends with it now, I go with the flow because I know when the wave subsides life is still out there for living, please remember that. Don't be afraid, just take life a moment at a time.

Thank you for sharing. A lot of what you describe makes sense to me. Step by step, hour by hour, day by day. Often it is difficult to imagine that the grief will diminish, sometimes it feels right that it never should. Learning to live without that one so very special person....so hard...take care and thanks