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Carer to my father

Andrea47
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Hi everyone,

Im new to the forum . During the past month my father has been diagnosed with terminal liver cancer with no chance of treatment . He has battled with bladder cancer and skin cancer heart bypass diabetes slow growing brain tumour . We always said dad you will get through this and he has . He has been an amazing fighter and to get this news is devastating to say the leaste . I have been with him every step of the way the past few years and i am his primary carer . I dont know how long i can stay strong to carry him hrough this as he needs me more and more .He becomes more unwell looking every few days and getting muddled up now too . He is stuborn argumentative and determind he will fight it but today was hard to watch a man who was big strong caring and passionate stumble and fumble about becoming frail and dependant . How van i keep my strength for him??

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    Hi Andrea I’ve just joined this forum to reply to your post as I am in the same boat. Dad has heart issues, liver issues, diabetes, god knows what else and now the c word is making him weaker, and taking more of him away every day. I am with him as his carer 4 days a week. I’m self employed and trying to work is almost impossible. I also have 2 kids with 10 activities a week between them so I don’t know if I’m coming or going most of the time. I wish I knew how to stay strong, whenever I am alone I cry. I try so hard to put a brave face on in front of dad, and I’m always trying to lift mums spirits when what I really want to do is crawl into a hole, curl up and never come out. We keep going because we have to, there is no other choice. How are you today?
  • Offline in reply to leece

    Sorry, that probably sounds more like me sounding off than being supportive to you but in a horrible way I find it comforting to know there are others that feel like I do and I’m not alone if that makes sense so thought that might be the same for you too  

     

    it’s mums day off from work today so I am doing the first thing for me since dad went into hospital and this all started on 2nd September.  I’m off to the cinema with a friend for a morning screening  

    Loads if work I should be catching up on but I think this will be good for the soul - just got to try and not fall asleep ha ha 

     

     

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    Hi Andrea im not sure of your situation but is the palliative care team helping you at all ? They are a great help . My girlfriend died of esophagus cancer 18 months ago after a 6 month battle . I cared for her day and night around the clock and it almost killed me. I would try to sleep when she was but she'd wake up from pain and not wake me up because she didn't want to disturb me I was already running on very low sleep . She'd sit there in vast amounts of pain until it got the better of her and she'd wake me to give her her pain meds but I'd shout at her for not waking me sooner she'd be upset I'd be upset . Same with the toilet I'd pick her up etc but now the killer her pained face haunts me day and night my memories now are when I was sleep deprived trying to pull up her underwear to roughly and hurting her I constantly get these flashbacks .. you need help don't stay strong it'll end up haunting you like it has me 

    sorry about the long post 

    David 

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    Hi totally understand your post. Treasure each day (although difficult) be there when possible but also rest. Forgive unusual behaviour or anger. He will have mixed emotions, will be having very strong medicinal treatment and will be trying to deal with diagnosis. Xx my dad was our rock but a very strong stubborn man. Terminal cancer journey was tough. My advice would be tell him your love/feelings always, be there when you can, forgive any really difficult or outrageous behaviour( they are pumped with high level of chemicals and very very ill)X. Try to accept they have limited time but be there( god knows it's hard!!) X ps try to have a laugh try to smile tell him you love him but when it's time let him sleep xx so hard I know xx

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