Together we will beat cancer


Can’t live without my Mum

1 Apr 2019 23:39 in response to MW101010

Hi, I lost my mum on the 3rd of March just gone. I’m only 19 and my mum was only 39. Life is so cruel sometimes and I’ve been finding it hard to carry on as I also feel guilty whenever I feel a smile coming on etc. your mum isn’t gone she is always with you, look for signs and she will send them to you. I was so close to my mum aswell and after her funeral I found it harder than it was before it. Do you have any aunties, uncles, friends etc you can sit with and talk about the good times I find that helps. Like you said your mum is in a happy place none of us know the only thing that would get her down is looking down on you and you being upset. Read the poem “the story of the dragonfly-a child of mine” it’s so comforting and makes a lot of sense as to what goes on when people pass away. Hope your feeling better soon, Ashleigh x

Can’t live without my Mum

3 Jul 2019 23:54 in response to MW101010

So I don’t even know if my mum has cancer yet 

but doctors are “suspicious of a biopsy” despite us being told a month ago no cancer was present. Your post is exactly how I feel,  I’m not an only child but might as well be have a huge family & some friends that I have sat with for hours, days, weeks, when their children have been ill and yet her I am alone with no one giving a toss because it’s not convenient this week. All I want to know is How the hell do I live without her?

Can’t live without my Mum

4 Jul 2019 00:01 in response to applinappers

I’m so sorry and I hope your Mum doesn’t have cancer. It’s been nearly 9 months for me now and it seems like yesterday. I cry every day and some people are fed up with me. I just keep hoping I’ll die in my sleep so I can be with her. I hope you have some support if the worst comes to the worst. Wishing you good luck.

Can’t live without my Mum

4 Jul 2019 00:31 in response to MW101010

Hi M, 

It's been a while since my first post. Thank you listening/ reading my thoughts and replying. I done as you suggested and kept busy over the past few months. Throwing myself into a new job role has really helped. I think about mum a lot each day but it's not the first thought on my mind each morning anymore, some days this makes me feel guilty as though I have forgotten about her but others it makes me realise I'm growing stronger. It's strange because people always say it will get easier and although it does in a way, I really believe it also doesnt and we simply learn to cope and shape our lives around the missing void they leave behind. How are you doing M? Is the councilling on going?  Em 

Can’t live without my Mum

4 Jul 2019 00:38 in response to Ems1818

Thanks Em’s glad you’re feeling a bit better. I have some moments where I think I’ll be ok but then bam it hits me like a juggernaut again and I break down. I try and keep busy too. The counseling helps a little but not enough. I’m going to a grief support group next week to see if that helps more. Let me know how you’re getting on. 

Can’t live without my Mum

13 Aug 2019 23:25 in response to Annieliz

Hi MW101010

Just read this post & know it was time ago now but just feel your pain.

i have just buried my mother 3 weeks ago she was elderly but deteriorated fast not cancer she actuality survived kidney cancer when she was 45 .

I like you miss her like crazy she was my everything I cared for her last couple of years but she was always caring for me &others no!one can replace her she was so close to me didnt want to leave me alone & fought to live but last 3 months she lost her mind had delerium duecto infection in her foot loosing toes & heal and had heart failure in end died of sepsis .

i am still so very sad relieved her suffering is over but mine still here I really see no future without her love she was very loving to me adored me even old as I am

I find it hard to face never seeing her kissing her talking to her ever ever again in this world anyway

Life is cruel & I will be taking counselling just hard.



Can’t live without my Mum

14 Aug 2019 18:17 in response to Dene25

Hi dene25,


I’m so sorry, I’m still struggling with grief and it’s been almost 10 months. I’d like to say it gets easier but for me it hasn’t. I hope therapy will help you. I just can’t see a future for myself. I’m still just trying to get through the days and still can’t believe she’s not coming back. I’m sorry I wish I could offer you some comfort

Can’t live without my Mum

14 Aug 2019 18:43 in response to annastasia

Hi Annastasia. We do all meet again :-). When my dear husband died at the age of 31, I sat next to him for the last 11 days of his life. The day before he died I put my forehead to his and I was amazed to see what he could see. Andy was on a snowy mountain. His friends and family that had passed on before him were all standing there waiting for him. Even his pet dog :-). If you want to hear more, just say, and I will  reply to you and tell you more of the story X Best wishes Tony 

Can’t live without my Mum

14 Aug 2019 21:42 in response to Tinsy

Hi Tony, 


Can you tell me more please about your dear husband and the snowy mountain.  My lovely mother went to Heaven last September and in a strange way she's hard to miss and I don't feel as if she's gone because we're  having so so many signs from her, it's wonderful and the only thing that consoles me. Her physical body has moved on but her Spirit has stayed with us. I know I'll meet her again because  I continue to meet her still.  The other morning I was woken up by a hand on my shoulder,  I thought it was my husband but it couldn't have been as he was fast asleep. I know I didn't dream it. This ors only one of dozens of encounters and happenings that are unique to her. 

Chat soon


Can’t live without my Mum

14 Aug 2019 23:06 in response to Denise10

Hi Denise. My name is Tina by the way. The phone decided that I was trying to spell Tony LOL. When my husband was alive and well we had a very close bond. We meet on the train when we were 16-17, but both had boy or girl friend, so nothing happened. Just hi and bye. About a year later we bumped into each other again, and this time we were both single. We just bonded immediately :-). We were together for 13 years. I would ask Andy to pop to the shop, and forget to ask for a certain item. That's okay I thought, I will send a message in my head. ( This was before mobiles). He would always come back with the extra item and a puzzled look on his face. You can probably see were this is going...... The day before Andy died I put my forehead onto his, and he was talking to me, but not out loud, he was deeply unconscious. I was having a two way conversation with him, but my in-laws could only hear me talking. How I know that what I saw was really true...... Andy's pet dog was there on the snowy mountain. I always believed that the dog was put down with only 3 legs ( he had cancer in one of them), but on the mountain he had all 4 legs. In my 2 way conversation with Andy, I said, that can't be your dog, it has 4 legs. Yes it is he replied. He got put down with all 4 legs. His family didn't think it was fair to amputate, so had him put down with all his legs. I honestly never knew this information before that day. Andy's family (Nans and grandads) were there waiting for him. Knowing that he was on his way. They built him a log cabin beside a beautiful lake. It was truly amazing.

Can’t live without my Mum

15 Aug 2019 05:05 in response to MW101010

Dear MW x

My Mum finally died on 26th March 2019 and this is the first writing that I have faced since doling all the necessary stuff. I do hope that you are coping better and judging from the immense comments from others, I can see that there are obviously so many people who are thinking of you and feeling for you on this site. I hope that you are seeing things a little clearer through this support x

I wrote two poems on the final few days that she lived and have included them at the bottom of this message. Two weeks before Mum died, she discussed faith and told me did believe that she was going to be with my Dad, her husband of 48 who had died 8 years earlier. She did believe that she was going to join him and that he was waiting for her. This gave me a strength in letting go because part of my fear was that she would lose me, as well as the fact that i would defnitely be losing her ! I needed to go to the chemist to collect some drugs for her and as I walked back, I passed our family church ( we have lived in the area all our lives and my family from several geenerations are buried at this church). As I walk passed the noticeboard, the vicar's mobile telephone number was advertised. I felt compelled to telephone her and speak with her and explained our situation. She is not usually avaiable on the day I phoned but amazingly she happened to be avaiable. The vicar offered to visit with mum and our family. She came the next day and Mum was in a coma. We shared some prayers and anointed my mothers head with oil. It was a very comforting experience and assisted in me knowing that God was with her on her final journey. She passed away the next morning and her struggle for life was frighteneing at the time but I have since realised that she never wanted to give up. The same viar supported me through the following weeks and, since that day, I have attended the church. I have found immense strength and incredible support within the churches community and I am now attending a confirmation class (my parents did not have me christened because they were of the belief that I would need to make my own choices when the time was right for me). At the classes I have been amazed to meet younger people who for their own reasons, have chosen to strengthen their faith for their own reasons and through their individual turmoils. I have realised that, even from someone like me who never had strongest of faith, Life has some purpose for us, even through difficult times. I am not a bible–basher and have no intentions of preaching to anyone but I must say that I have found an incredible strength and purpose by accepting that through God, new directions and much good can come. There will be some who might say that I am merely filling the void of losing Mum but I do hope that others will agree that at a time of need, my faith and belief in a higher power gave me the support and strength. It has not stopped me crying and even this week, begging to be taken so that I can be rejoined with my mum. Feelingt hat life is not worth living (in spite of a wonderful husband who I love so much), I still sometimes wish that my own mortality comes very soon! At the class last night, we discussed parts of understanding our faith and the importance of "Mission" (spreading God's work to others), and so, rather nervously and almost reluctantly, I am reporting that someone or something is definitely with me on this journey of grief and loss and, if it is not God, I would like to know who is giving me inner comfort and the ability to continue ?

Here are my two poems

Love Mark x


Can’t live without my Mum

19 Sep 2019 22:30 in response to MW101010

I know this post was from last year but I hope you see my reply. I just lost my mum two weeks ago. It wasn’t cancer though but this came up when I was googling and I really feel similar to some of the things you wrote and I so feel your pain. She died from a stroke. A massive bleed in the brain that they couldn’t do anything about. I also feel like mistakes were made as she has been to A&E a few times with extremely high blood pressure and chest pains but was always sent home and told she would be fine. She was only 47 in May, she had the worst 15 months, she was stressed and had a horrible time struggling everyday. Finally things were looking up. She had everything to look forward to and was starting an amazing new chapter of her life. Now she’s gone. I don’t know what to do or how to feel. I’m so angry. I don’t have a dad and I’m an only child. I’m only 27 and I don’t know how I can go the rest of my life without her. How are you feeling now? Do things get better? Everyone tells me they do but for me it’s getting harder and harder everyday. I don’t think I’ll ever see the light and the end of the tunnel and I feel like no one around me understands. I’m rambling I know but I just don’t know what to do anymore 

Can’t live without my Mum

19 Sep 2019 22:54 in response to Gemm

Hi Gemm,

I’m so so sorry to hear about your Mum it’s thw most awful pain ever and I know exactly how you’re feeling. I wish I could say it gets better but it’s been almost a year now and I still feel terrible. I cry every day, in fact I’ve just been crying before I read this. I’ve reported the mistakes made to the complaints board, maybe you should too? It gives you a sense of control and I’m doing it for my Mum as I know she would want me to. Do you have any other family you can talk to? Have you seen a grief therapist or joined a support group? I’m in one now and although I’m not sure if it’s helping the one thing it does do is make you realize you’re not the only one who feels like this. You are so young and I really feel for you. You can message me anytime you like. I don’t know what I can say to comfort you as I don’t find much comfort myself.  Xo

Can’t live without my Mum

19 Sep 2019 23:21 in response to Gemm

Hi Gemm 

It's been a while since I posted on here, life seems to have gotten in the way. I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your mum, I know how hard it is to deal with that pain so young. My mum passed away in January 19 and I'm 25, no matter what age you are I think it hurts just much. Everyone experiences grief differently, there is no time frame, right or wrong way. I honestly thought my life had come to an end but I can say now you learn to live with the pain, it becomes a part of you but you will find joy in life again. It wont happen over night, you might find yourself feeling guilty for smiling but this is just the journey of grief. I sometimes feel awful for not feeling as upset at my siblings and they think I'm immensely strong for 'powering on' and rarely crying but I'm really just trying to live my life to the fullest, in the way Mum didnt get to live hers. The world will keep on turning, time doesn't stop so I can't let myself get sucked under or I would never resurface again. 

Always here if you need a chat. Em x 

Can’t live without my Mum

21 Sep 2019 07:22 in response to Gemm

Hi Gemm

I just wanted to let you know that I've followed this post for months but have never commented because my mum didnt die from cancer either and I've just been hoping for inspiration that I will start to cope with my mums passing. My mum died 14 weeks ago of a massive bleed in the brain too. It was completely out of the blue and although mum was 74, she was so active, happy and healthy looking. I honestly dont know how I have got through.

Did your mum have a post mortem? If so, did it provide any answers?

Thinking of you.

Melissa, I hope you are doing better with things. I'm not, but it's still early days for me.


Cheryl x