I hope you are ok or as ok as you can be in this crazy grief journey.
My lovely mam went to Heaven last September so I know exactly how you feel.
I take each day as it comes and have my ups, downs and inbetweens! I like to keep busy but find on my days off my mind goes into overdrive. These chaotic, unstable and long days will pass so I think in the meantime we grievers need to just breathe and keep putting one foot in front of the other and see where it takes us. I have pockets of the day where I don't think about her which allows me to come back to the surface for more oxygen before I'm plunged into the depths again. I hope as more time passes that these pockets will last longer until eventually the depths don't hurt as much anymore. Apparently this will happen, I've a few close friends who have gone through this and they are now able to laugh, smile and enjoy life again. This gives me great hope that I will someday get to that point as will you. These feelings are as temporary as life itself so please take hope from that.
Remember that your mum is so close to you now. We judge life through our 5 senses so our experience of life is so limited. Remember there is a whole other world out there where our mum's live, that life is alongside us only they are in Spirit form now, still there, just different. Even though we can't see it we know that bottom of the ocean is there, just like we can't see our mum's but they are here as well. I talk to mam all the time, out loud and in my head, she answers and goes with me through my life. Ask your mum to help you and she will, take comfort from the fact that you'll meet again and until that time comes try chalk up as many positive experiences and happiness as you can. They live on with us and through us Melissa.
Please stay in touch, we are here for each other, remember you're not alone.
Lots of love and chat soon