Dear Liz

So sorry for your loss and I just lost my dad on 8th June but he was in a care home and I was unable to be with him at the end.  I have though experienced what you have with my mum who died from lung cancer in February 2017.  This was a horrible, traumatic death to witness nd my poor mum fought like a wildcat all day, only finding peace in the last moments.  For a very long time afterwards, every time I closed my eyes, I was reliving it but, hard as it is now, these images will fade from your mind, you will never forget but you will learn to compartmentalise these images.

I don’t know why their eyes open but it is a comforting thought that they are seeing to the other side.  It’s what I like to believe anyway.

sending love and strength x

Hi Sandra,

Thank you so much for sharing your story; and I'm too sorry for your loss at this already difficult time. I hope that with a little bereavement counselling in time I will be able to stop seeing those images and remember the better times. 

I saw a shooting star 48 hours after he passed away and it's little things like that, that help me believe that he's not in pain any longer. 

Sending you all the love and strength xxx

Hi Liz x I’m crying reading your post I use this forum to share , rant, scream about my loss of my Andrea to metastatic cancer dying at the age of 49 xx, my heart is breaking again for another loss x ahhhh why is there so much hurt , this forum is great for sharing our experiences if great is an apt word at your massive sadness x people have said to me the most inappropriate things thinking that they are saying good but hey brush em off , your entering a world as I did that no one wants to live in but, my sweet soul I thought I was alone in what happened to us xx love to you and your family xx

Hi there, 

I'm so sorry to have brought up memories and feelings of your own experience; I feel very much the same. I'm angry, confused, depressed, full of anxiety and numb all at the same time. I have had a few messages from friends and you're right, no one really says the right thing do they - I even had one person say "aww" to the loss of my Dad. I mean really..

I hope you find peace and understanding, I really do. 

These forums have really helped me and when the time is right I will definitely be receiving some counselling. 

Always reach out when you're struggling! 

Love back to you xxx

Liz x, you didn’t bring any memories up my friend x there are people on here who are angels that walk amongst us , true honest souls that know and I mean know the hurt of losing a  loved one x my loss your loss anyone who is going through this hell !! Sorry for that as I’ve put in other posts, guilt , anger, regret multiple feelings, you will have them I still have them , the thoughts I have are bad , Liz read what the good souls say on here sod the rest. I remember what someone said to me !! Well Andreas not in any pain now , really cheers mate!! Sorry for being selfish and keeping her alive torturing her , well thanks mate xx gods sake I’ve heard all crap from we’re here for you crew .I hope you and you’re good family come and stick together xx my thoughts are with you take care my friend it ain’t going to easy x there are good people out there x suss them out xx take care xx

They say when we die we want to see our loved ones realy its its best way to go ye it is so traumatic .but its not been long youl be in shock ive been there a few times myself it does go eventualy what worse thing can you see .i would get your name down for counciling as soon as poss they can answere some of your questions as we are left with so many must have been such a comfort for your dad surounded by his loved ones he died surounded by love ime so sorry for you and your familys loss maybe mention it to your mum allthoe i have to say she will be feeling torcherd .paul

So sorry to hear about your Dad.

Losing my Mum was not what I was expecting either. It's a far more gradual process in the last half an hour than I thought. In the movies it is over in a split second so I wasn't ready for the reality.

Mums eyes came open a little. It's just that everything relaxes. 
 

You will find that the memory will stick in your head for a while as it is such a traumatic thing to witness. The sight of Mum in her last moments often replay in my head but I have always taken such comfort to know I was there for her. The thought of dying terrified her so to know she was not alone is so good to know. 
 

My dad has popped home from the hospital to do a few things so I was there with her by myself. She knew how my Dad was useless in sch situations so it was almost as though she planned it to be just her and me. 
 

Try and do your utmost to remember your Dad as he was and the lovely times you spent with him....I'm sure that's what he would want you to do x

Hi Laura,

Thank you so much for sharing your experience. The images will begin to fade into the background one day I hope, perhaps with a little nudge from a counsellor or someone in that profession. I truly believe that a person can choose when the time is right when they are in those final moments, for example we were all asleep when my Dad began to take his last breaths, it's just that we woke up due to the noises he was making. Such a terrible thing to witness and I know my Dad wouldn't have wanted any of us to see him like that. I'm so glad I was there and was holding his arm at the very last moment, as traumatic as that was for me. 

I will do my upmost to remember the good times and his healthy days, I think i'm still in shock about his death, it still hasn't sunk in that he's really gone, it feels like he's gone away for a few days and will be back any minute 

x

Hi there 

Thank you for your response; I have gained quite a bit of comfort from that. I am 100% looking to get some counselling for myself and my brother as we are both struggling with the fact that we were not prepared for the things we encountered. My Mum actually passed out and fell to the floor causing her lip to burst and her nose to almost break as she was in so much shock. They should have prepared us. 

Thanks again for your post 

O.dear your poor mum bless her i dont think anyone can prepair us for loosing someone we love i think we all act diffrently .in my case i was numb for a while then bang it hit me. But i can tell you this the visions of your poor dad will dim our brains protect us from this sort of thing or we would all go mad . You will find as the moths go by your memory of it all will go fuzzy its iike our brain locks these memorys in a box accasionaly they slip out just give it  time if they do pop up just put a vision of something nice of your dad its like training your thoughts .your mum will need lots of support now in doing that you will help yourself and your brother to just stick together eventualy when you think of your dad it will be good memorys i dont think we ever die the stuff our bodys are made of may die but the thought the love etc are diffrent there energy and that never goes we will not know till we go your dad probably was looking at something we cant can when he opend his eyes i think he will be around for a while watching over you all till your all ok .ime a dad and grandad and i would fight tooth and nail to do that so if your in bed chat to him i do with my liz now and again he will hear you might think thats not true or thats rubbish but as the years go by and you get wiser you will change your views there wonerfull things go on in this world we will never understand or are ment to .best wishs paul