I'm sorry to anyone who reads this because I'm so desperately sad that I don't know what to do other than rant and let it out. I'm shaking even as I type. I'm just beginning to feel that I'm going insane with grief. My poor, poor mum is so ill and, we've been told, in her last few weeks. As well as being in her bones and lungs, The cancer has spread through the membrane between her skull and brain ( which apparently is unusual) and has affected her face, her ears and now her sight. She has always been such a bright, intelligent, warm wonderful woman and now she can barely hear and her sight is fading. It's all happening so fast and I'm railing at the world today. I'm usually a really positive person and I've been trying to cope just day to day and stay really positive for mum but I feel like I've hit a brick wall. My energy is gone. I'm so angry with everyone and everything and I hate, hate HATE feeling this way. I'm not particularly religious or anything but I have my own spiritual beliefs and I just can't reconcile anything I believe with what is happening to my mum. It's so unfair and cruel. She's being so incredibly brave and stoic but for the first time today she began to cry. She didn't make a fuss, I just looked and the tears were rolling down her cheeks. It tore me apart. All I could do was hold her and cuddle her and tell her that it was ok to cry and that I loved her. I don't know how much more we can all stand. I've never known pain like this. I don't want her to feel like this. I know it's often said but she truly has never done anything to hurt anybody and doesn't deserve this. All I do when I'm alone in the car is cry. My children don't know the extent of things so I have to hold it together for them and although my lovely husband is supportive, he runs his own business and is so busy and stressed I don't like to burden him too much. My dad is in denial, I think, and is not the most caring of people which does not make things any easier. How do I cope?? I don't want to go to pieces because mum needs me. I'm sorry, I'm rambling and ranting but it's preferable to screaming out loud which is what I feel like doing. If anyone reads this, I promise I'm not as crazy as I must sound.