Hello Pink7 and welcome here.  I am so sorry to learn of your mum's illness and how difficult you are finding this situation.  I think you will regret not going to see your mum in the longer term but understand that you feel unable to cope at the moment.  Many of us have been in this situation but have found the strength from somewhere.  You could try ringing MacMillan Cancer Support (Freefone 0808 808 0000) who will give help to anyone affected by cancer and are very experienced in cancer issues.  In the morning you will hopefully hear from others who post on this forum and and how they coped.  It is some years now since my mum died of cancer and I think it was because of my mum - lying in her hospital bed - being so cheerful and normal that I found the strength to keep it together but I know it is not easy.  Best wishes.  Annie

My wife was diagnosed with breast cancer a few weeks ago. Although it's not a similar situation I understand how you must be feeling. People without cancer can really struggle to cope. Sometimes it's just an overwhelming feeling of being unable to do anything. We are helpless and have stand and watch from the sidelines. It's terribly difficult. Please don't suffer in silence. Talk to someone, anyone. You will be amazed at how many people feel exactly the same as you. x

I understand how hard it is to see your parent suffer. I feel the same way, even if you see her and show her that you're upset and tell  her how hard it is, it might be better than not seeing her at all. Sometimes you don't want to show your parent that you are hurting because you don't want to cause them any grief before death. I finally talked with my dad about my fears and telling him I didn't want to watch him die. He told me he would rather me talk about it then not talk to him at all. I feel weird about it because I think I sound selfish being upset when I'm not the one dying, but I do think it's easier for th eperson dying than the people they are leaving behind. Maybe you can't handle being there when she takes her last breath, but at least telling her why you can't see her that much might be better for both of you.x

Dear Pink7

i hardly ever come on this site these days but because of a dear friend recently diagnosed I popped on here tonight.

i just wanted to say how sorry I am for everything you are going through. I have lost all my family to cancer all except my son.  I had this same situation with my sister. All I can say to you is that you must do what feels right in your heart. Your mum would totally understand what you are feeling. Our mums want to protect us. 

Years ago my mum was dying from this evil horrible disease, I was young I coped the best I could with a baby at the time but it was hard.  Years later my sister was suffering from brain cancer. I can honestly say t made me ill I remember feeling so sick watching  her after her surgery.  Drs old me they had done their best for her, which I know they did but it was so hard. I was all my sister had as her partner walked away and couldn’t cope. 

I cared for her and we enjoyed some precious special times. My heart was broken but I will always be so glad I was there for her....

There are no answers I’m afraid but just take it one day at a time and do what feels right for you x

I send you love and wish I could help,you xxxx

Thank you for your reply, all this support on here helps so much. Sam 

Thank you for your reply, the support on here helps so much. Sam 

Thank you for your reply all the support on here helps. Thanks, sam 

Thank you for your reply the support on here helps. Sam 

Thank you for your reply, all the support on here really helps, sam