Hi sadsad98, I received a phone call 10.45 this morning telling me my mum had died I am also in palative care with oesophagus cancer with secondary liver and given just a few months of life - isn't life bloody cruel at times.

I so wish I could find the words to give you some comfort and understanding, I wish I could also find those words for myself, I live alone with no family near and fairly new to the area, so no friends I could turn to just aqaintances.

All I can say is, and I know it will do no good to you or me but it's the only advice I have been given is - stay strong.

I will add to that what my mother would want, tomorrow I visit the funeral directors and try to sort out her affairs best I can, all I can do is make sure I do my mother proud by doing what is best for her, I am also very aware my mother and yours would not want us suffering physically and mentally for month's they would want us to live our lives as they have lived theirs being there for us.

Just wondering, seeing as the evil cancer killed your mum and is killing me ( my mum of heart failure ) maybe we could both get some revenge against it by helping fight it for others, we could think of ways that may help others in the same position now or in the future, I think we both need to focus on others that will face or are facing the same pain basically alone like us.

I must be honest until today at 10.45 when I was told my mother died this morning my only concern was the fact I am in pain and expect to be dead fairly soon no matter how hard I fight to live!! I can go on thinking of me, poor me or I can do what my mother would want and that's get the best I can get from the life I have, it would hurt her and I suspect it would hurt your mum to see you not living life, your mum and mine would not want that for us.

So does it come back to being strong or does it come back to doing what our mum's would want, they knew we loved them like they loved us.

We must live the life they gave us to our fullest no matter how short or long it may be.

Take care 

Thank you for your response and advice Alan.

I’m so sorry that this is happening to you, life can be bloody unfair. But I can see that you’ve got a good approach to the situation. 

When my mum was told she had 2 months to live, she was already at a point where she couldn’t move from a hospital bed. It was hard to find new exciting things to do with her for her last months but I did my best. All I can advise you now is to live your life the best you can. Go for a walk, listen to your favourite music, and just do what makes you happy. Also, try to accept the inevitable, no matter how hard that may seem. It will help your mind rest, which is what you deserve.

Good luck with the funeral directors, and just know that your mum is watching you, so proud of how you are handling everything and staying strong. 

Look after yourself!

You have mentioned two things that are very important in my life, music that I am layed in bed listening to on Spotify all my favourite tunes and walking with my dog's they now mum as gone are my only reason for fighting to live for as long as can, I start palative chemotherapy within the next two weeks my dogs will get me through, our long walks across country give me clarity of mind to get through the pain and the end of that pain when it comes.

I hope you take the little advice I could give you and do what your mum would want for you, live life to the full for mum and yourself, you did her proud by being there for her and at a young age, I wish I had someone like you to do their best for me, what you did for.your mum must have made her very proud.

I wonder if you could count me as one of your friends here on cancer chat.

Alan