Hi there, 

On behalf of everyone at Cancer Chat, I just wanted to say how sorry we are to hear that about your mum passing away recently.

We are also thinking of you during this difficult time. 

Best wishes to you, 

Cancer Chat Moderator Thea

I am so sorry that you are going through this and have lost your beautiful Mum too!

I lost my Mum in June this year, the cancer had also spread to her liver and she died months after the tumors were discovered there. We were told it could be managed for years and she was gone three months later, so I can completely understand your shock and confusion at the timings and doctors predictions.

Watching somebody you love be taken away in front of your eyes is one of the most difficult things to go through. The fact is, we'll never "get over it" we'll just find it easier to cope with and ways to honour our beautiful Mums through our lives.

It's five months since my Mum died, and it's getting a harder before it gets easier. I dream of her most nights and waking up is difficult. It all comes back and can be overwhelming. I have found peace in daily life and work has been a great distraction, however I am scared about the way life is moving on without her. Me and my boyfriend would like to buy a flat and have children, and knowing she will miss all that is indescribably painful.

Moving forward in life without our Mums is so tough but its possible, I'm sure your lovely Mum was like mine, she put my needs before her own always and she would want you to be happy. I'm working on healthy coping mechanisms, like walking and exercising or practising self care when I feel down. It helps but the pain is always there in the background. People keep reassuring me that it gets better, so we have to trust that! Do you have a good support network around you? Hope so. Spending time with the right people helps. 

Here if you need to chat.

Katie

Xxx

Hi katie,

I'm sorry for the loss of your mum. I also lost my mum 5 months ago on the 14th June. It wasnt cancer, she  had a mini stroke on the 2nd june, then a massive stroke on the 13th. It has been a huge shock and I'm not sure how I will get through life without her.

You are right, it definitely gets harder. I havent got to an easier but yet but I dont suppose the festive season is helping. It would also be mums birthday next weekend which will be very painful that she isnt here to celebrate it.

But you're also right in that we have to trust we will get through and things willevdntuslly get better, otherwise what's the point?

Cheryl x 

Hello Cheryl,

I can't imagine how difficult that was as there was no time to even get your head around things. We had a little time to prepare but there's nothing that can prepare you for life without your Mum. I read something somewhere that said that dealing with death is easy compared to living without someone and I have to agree. No matter how we lose someone the pain of going on without them is just overbearing isn't it.
 

The festive season is approaching and to be honest if I could, I would just skip this year. I keep imagining it without her and feeling absolutely sick to my stomach. She brought such joy to every single time of year and went above and beyond to make sure our family was having the best time. We're genuinely lost without her. I know we will rebuild very slowly over time, and like you say we have to hope or what is the point. I think of joyous occasions to come and I know every single one will be bitter sweet now, thats just life.

Here if you need to talk or be like the grinch about Christmas!

I don't even feel like putting the decorations up but my Mum would hate that, she loved doing it.

Katie

Xxx

Thankyou katie,

What has truly got me through the last 5 months, other than denial and disbelief, is chatting to people either on here or the sue ryder online forum, where so many people are dealing with the devastation of losing their mum.

Having people to chat to who understand has made all the difference.

I will say that if it wasnt for my daughter who is 12, I would have opted to work and forget xmas this year but when you have a child you have to try and make it fun for them. My mum would be really angry at how I have become and would want me to give her a lovely xmas.

When you and your boyfriend have children, they will give you so much joy that the pain of your mum will lessen. I'm not sure how I would have coped without a child to get yo school, look after etc.

Please talk whenever you need to vent xx

I’m so so sorry this happened to your beautiful mum. Something similar happened to my mother. She went undiagnosed for weeks and on 2nd of May was diagnosed with Leptomenigeal disease which originated from lung metastasis in which she died 25 days later. I too have so many questions as to why this happened. It’s so confusing and surreal to think she has actually gone and it’s been almost 6 months. But I’m sending all my healing energy your way x

Thank you 

Hi Katie, 

thank you for your kind message and sorry for the late reply, yes mum was just like yours never put herself first and always looked after her family and made sure we were ok. I know she would want me to be happy and I'm supposed to be starting a new job in January and she would want me to do well. However, I just can't seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel but I know it's early days. I just miss her so much and would do anything for one more chat. I'm seeing a counsellor at work now and I've started to eat and get some sleep so this has made things a bit better. I to feel like life is pushing me forward like nothing's happened and it was my anniversary and birthday last weekend which was just awful and don't get me started on Christmas sick of that already. 

take care xx

Hi Loubee25

thank you for for your reply, it's just so unfair isn't it, I feel that mum was let down in the end and can't believe it was undetected until it made her Liver fail, but she took the battle on and did her best she really was a fighter until the end, I always thought mum would live forever however, this was a battle to much it's a vile disease.