Hello and welcome.  Bearing in mind that I only know the little you have told us and that I know nothing about your family, I would say that this is too much for you to to have to make a decision; it is nice that your cousin holds your advice in high esteem but really how can you know what is best for her - what if she accepted your advice and it all ended badly.  How would you feel then?  I think she has to listen to the medical advice she is getting and make the final decision herself.  I do realise that these are very serious decisions and that the situation is a very worrying one.    Also that this response from myself is not helpful but I just wanted you to consider the possible outcomes if you make the decision for her.  I am so sorry to add to your problems but I think you need to discuss your cousin's views and concerns with her and let her make the best decision for herself.  Annie

Hello and welcome. I would just like to reiterate what Annie has already said based on the information that you have given. Theses are very serious decisions and it is wrong of your cousin to ask you to make her choices for her. You can only listen to her views and concerns but she has to make her own decisions. I hope this can be worked out with peace of mind for both of you. Lynne.

Hi there,

I have to agree with the others that this is not a decision for you to make, I would also add that it is unfair to put this pressure on you.  Firstly, your cousin needs to be taking medical advice from qualified doctors.  Secondly, only she can really weigh up quality of life against length of life.

"Do I let her have chemotherapy knowing the implications"  I don't know what you think the implications of chemotherapy are?  If her other internal organs are currently healthy there is no reason to think chemotherapy will harm them.  Also, the cancer will not be asymptomatic forever and if left without treatment it will spread to her other internal organs and she will start suffering symptoms related to those organs.  I saw a friend whose cancer started in her kidneys have it spread to all her other organs and it is not something I would like to see a loved one go through, it was horrific.

Like many others I am currently undergoing chemotherapy.  It isn't having any effect on my internal organs, and I am living quite a good life while on it (working, socialising etc.)  People with cancer often say "I wasn't ill until I started chemotherapy" but of course it is nonsense, we were ill, just without any life-altering symptoms.

Please speak to your cousin, as while her trust in your is very flattering this is a decision she has to make for herself in conjunction with advice from her medical team.

Good luck to you both.

LJx