Hi I saw the title to your post and couldn’t read & run, I’m so sorry for your loss. Your in such early days, be kind to yourself. I don’t think you ever really accept this loss and you certainly never “get over” it but in time, you somehow learn to live with it. 

I am in my early 30s, lost my long term partner to covid just underneath a year ago....in some ways I get you. This loss is like no other and this first year of birthdays, Christmas, new year etc has been the hardest thing Iv ever had to face without him. Somehow over the months Iv adapted to my different life, I don’t like it...I cry most days/nights but that’s ok. I still struggle to talk about things, I’m trying to focus on getting him a handcarved bench made and have it installed at our special spot so I can go there to remember him. I hope in time you will be able to remember the happy times you shared with your wife and smile, 47 absolutely beautiful years full of laughter, love and warmth. Your not alone, I’m happy for you to chat to me on here if you like :) 

Sorry to read your health hasn’t been too good, I hope you get on ok with your biopsy and the results are alright. Remember to take care of yourself, have you got support with family/friends? 

Hi thank you for your kind words, i find that when alone which is most of the days i just think

about her and look at her pictures i have put together on my computer, i go to her grave and

chat asking what i should do and think of what answer she would give, known her since she way a teenager as she used to baby sit for 1 of my brothers.. 

In lockdown we extended our bungalow but now i just rattle in it i do have my 12 year old grandson

living with me but when he is at school thats when i feel loneliness most, i do have 2 children but there grown up and have there own children.They visit as much as they can but i can not stop them form having there own lives.

We moved from london to get away from the fast pace  after a year fighting to get our grandson and be his special guardien  we enjoyed holidays abroad and weekends away but now thats gone as i could not travel alone. i have not had any help and its like being left to sort and do everything myself. not sure anything i have writen makes sence.

I think  that is a very nice thing to do for your partner,  Thank you for offering me to chat to you very kind.  John 

Your most welcome, what you wrote makes perfect sense. What I found isolating was not having anyone to chat to that had sadly experienced the loss of a partner...having that understanding and simply “getting it” makes the difference. It’s a position nobody wants to ever be in but sadly we all find ourselves in it at some point, being able to share how you feel with another person that can relate does help.

I didn’t look at any photos or videos until about 4-6 months after, the feeling of deep loss is something I feel every second of everyday....spring was something my partner loved. We used to walk thru the farmers field in amongst all the newborn lamb, so this year I’m planting a few different things. I’m glad that you can go to your wife’s grave to chat to her, it’s quite a calming & peaceful place to collect your thoughts. I will be glad when my partners ashes have been buried in the crematorium although the thought of doing it feels so final.

It sounds like you shared a lot together and enjoyed some nice holidays too, what sort of places did you visit? Oh wow you done an extension? I bet it is lovely...my dad is a builder (we have done an extension & loft conversion) on our bungalow :) What sort of things do you enjoy doing? 

Having your grandson with you is nice, how is he doing? Lots of big changes for him too with school and covid. Its good that your kids visit....checking in regularly and remembering the fun times you shared together lifts the spirits. Myself and my partner had finished our ivf tests at the end of 2019 so we were due to start the treatment at the end of 2020. I was donating him a kidney but covid hit so it didn’t happen & then I lost him. 

London was a big big part of our lives with hospital appointments and long stays, I completely agree with how fast paced it is over there. It can be quite overwhelming at times, you sound very warm hearted and kind. Maybe in the future you might find weekend trips away with your grandson fun and a nice focus, you could create a scrap book of what you get up to on your trips. There’s a really nice one on amazon with “my adventure book” on the front I think, it’s like the one from the film up. Just a thought, what about planting a nice flower/bush or sunflower with your grandson or one of your wife’s favourite plants (if she had one).....I like the idea of the stars you can buy & name.

Have you heard of the charity cruise? I’m on a widowed & young site which has been helpful....my doctor offered me counselling when I explained my loss, have you spoken to your doctor? I know searching for the help/support is a bit daunting in the early days but there is some out there and the people are so kind and compassionate. 

No problem John, anytime :) 

My wife loved spring as well she loved doing the garden,my wifes grave is a half plot as she wished to be cremated so her ashes are there it never felt final as you say i can visit her anytime.

we traveled to many places, Australia, New zealand, singapore, fiji,Mexico x 4,Cuba x2, Jamacia x2,costa rica, spain,greece,portugal,gran canaria, dominican republic x2,   we loved going away always done caribbean in january for our anniversary and her birthday only a week apart.

Well as you can see i love traveling also walking, music,driving, cooking, D.I.Y  

So you had more sadness with not being to able to give him your Kidney and the ivf, 

My grandson is into gaming and he misses his grandmother and visits with me every time

but understands she has gone for ever, he even turned to me and said grandad i will sell my soul to the devil to get nan back that made my cry he is like me so caring and kind, if im honest he saved me from doing something silly. 

We take fuchsia flowers as she loved them and once the headstone is finisned and put in place we are going to plant them and other plants she liked.

My grandson has a star names after him i will ask him if he would like to get one for his nan, yes i have heard of cruise was given a booklet by pilgrims hospice but never called as i was all over the place.

Thank you again and i hope im not troubling you to much.

john :-)

Don’t apologise, your not troubling me at all. Iv really enjoyed reading your reply. It’s quite difficult when dates are close together isn’t it? Mine and my partners anniversary date is exactly a week after his death date (I find this hard). That’s very much the same for my partner, he was cremated and we have got a 4 person plot for his ashes plus myself & his parents (when its our time).

Once his ashes are placed there and we have had a celebration of his life with family (no relatives went to his funeral because of covid - we couldn’t pick & choose number of people) il be pleased to be able to keep it tidy with some nice flowers. Iv found a really cute handmade snail ornament not much bigger than a marble that I would like to get for his grave (I still don’t like saying that). The fuschia flowers you get for your wife’s sound good, there pretty flowers and will make her resting place look nice. 

You have been to some truly gorgeous countries, I went to Cuba about ten years ago and was honestly overwhelmed with how picture perfect/pristine the beaches are. I bet you have got some beautiful memories from your holidays. I also love driving and hoping to get a lorry licence this year (odd for a woman in her 30s right?) we went on some really nice country walks with our little dog and enjoy taking her to the beach on a warm summers evening...she was like our child. She passed away a month after my partner but was 20 years old. Cooking Iv always enjoyed but in the form of baking :-) I also enjoy d.i.y as it’s something I grew up with.

I think that’s good for your grandson to visit his grandmothers grave with you, i hope you both find comfort in going together. Ah love his heart he sounds like a really kind big hearted person and a credit to you. 

I got a star naming kit brought for me for xmas years ago, I used it to name a star after my beloved cat. I have been considering getting my partners niece a star naming kit as she absolutely adored her uncle.

I found cruise during an online search when I was really struggling so I gave them a call but at that time there places were closed due to covid and they had a lengthy waiting list, so after a bit more searching I found widowed and young. Have you thought anymore about contacting cruse? 

Holly

Hi, 

Just read above post and i can relate to you both has im in the same situation. Im nearly 10 months in from losing my husband of 37 years and its still no easier. I live on my own now has my son and daughter have their own homes and lifes. I have a 17 month old grandson and he keeps me occupied. We were together from teenagers and always did everything together, we loved holidays and was going to retire early so we could have many more . Its so cruel and i feel we have all been robbed of our loving partners. I find chatting on here is so helpful and hopefully covid restrictions been lifted will help too.

Take care 

Debbie x

Welcome to the chat Debbie and my most sincerest sympathies for the loss of your husband :-(

It is unfair and so hard to comprehend isn’t it? It’s hard to realise all the plans that were excitedly and carefully thought of, won’t be happening anymore. The deep sense of loss and missing them is also difficult to manage even on the good days. Have you found the grief comes in waves? I didn’t find this until I was about 6 months in, I felt in a very very dark lonely place in the early days and never ever thought I was going to get through. 

Does your son & daughter visit often? How are they finding things? Your grandson is at a lovely age, I have 2 nieces 3 months apart (same age) one turned 4 last month...the other will be 4 in June and they both give me that focus even tho visiting isn’t currently allowed (FaceTime is a god send!). How are you doing in yourself? 

Holly x

Hi, 

Its hard and cant say its easy living on your own, i hate it and evenings are the worst. I work 3 days aweek and have little one every Thursday so try and keep busy in the day.  It does come in waves you are right it seems to build up then i have a bad day. How far down line are you Holly?

My daighter lives nearly a hour away but my son lives close by so see him often .

Debbie x

The evenings for me were the worst too as it’s when we could finally relax after work or a hospital appointment and simply enjoy just being in each other’s company. In the first weeks, I found myself just staring into nothing alone, silent, no tv on...I couldn’t eat, sleep or think straight. I was in so much shock it was hard to function...I had to keep going as our little 20yr old dog needed walking but without her I’m honestly not sure if I would of got past them days. She passed away a month later I’m suspecting from a broken heart as my partner got her at 8 weeks of age.

Itl be a full year on the 22nd of this month and our anniversary on the 29th, so the first year is coming in fast and I’m not sure how to take it. Some people celebrate having that person in there life but I’m not sure I can celebrate a day that was traumatic and heartbreakingly life changing. I’m planning on changing jobs completely but need training and tests which are quite costly, covid has currently slowed this as the training & testing facilities have shut. 

I know the first year is the hardest but I’m still not sure how life will move forward with me over the coming years, them 5 year and 10 year marks are also painful and ones which I can’t bear thinking of. It just feels so unfair that a truly beautiful soul that went through so so much his whole life yet wanted to keep going, has been taken in the cruelest way. He had a very rare condition and was given a life expectancy of just 4 years of age.....he was 3 months shy of his 41st. The condition he had would of given him until early 50s if he was lucky so we knew our time was precious, we never ever would of imagined it ended this much sooner. I miss my partner so much I feel like my hearts just shattered into a million tiny pieces and will never be fixed, he told me to mourn for a year then carry on but how can I? He was the most best part of my life and il be eternally grateful he spent the rest of his with me ️ It shouldn’t end this way for any one of us and I’m so sorry your walking this path too.

Hi Debbie,

Im john and i to find it helps chatting on here but as you say the hurt does not go away

what you have writen is like my situation but i am lucky i have my grandson living with

me but when he goes back to school i feel lost on what to do with myself.

but i hope something will happen so i dont get depressed and when restrictions are lifted

hope to find things to do but i know it will never be the same.

John