Hi HPMS,

I read your post and couldn't scroll past! You are the same age as my daughter and I can totally understand and relate to the way you are feeling. Let's acknowledge it.. it's horrible! I'm sure some others who have more experience of lobular BC will come along but I myself had ductal cancer in 2021. 

I don't want to talk about me suffice to say, I had treatment and am back at work, enjoying my life again. But at this stage your head will be all over the place. I can honestly say that with all probability you will be the same later this year. We hear the word cancer and automatically think our number is up, but it so isn't..treatment for BC is so advanced these days, most women are here to tell the tale years later. There are plenty of success stories on here and there's no reason why you won't be one of them. Anyone here will tell you, this no man's land between diagnosis and treatment starting is by far the worst, once something is happening to destroy the cancer, you'll feel different. The anxiety is crippling, I know. My GP has prescribed me fluoexetine and this has helped enormously. 

Stay in touch with us, we'll be here for you. You'll get through this! You'll enjoy life again, you'll get your career back and be changed but in a good way ️

Big hugs 

Jane xx

Hi,

I had Grade 2, invasive lobular breast cancer, three years ago. Like you, H, the size surprised the surgeon as it is difficult to gauge without an MRI.  I elected to have a mammogram, and, later, he said he was glad, because he might have had to take the whole breast off, even if I had asked for a lumpectomy as the tumour was so much bigger than he expected.  I had to go back a month later for lymph node clearance, as he though he had felt something in one of the sentinel nodes he removed with my breast. This was more uncomfortable than the mastectomy but I recovered in a few weeks and have never looked back.

I am exactly twice your age and had virtually the same cancer as you, and three years down the line I am well and strong and active.  I didn't have chemo, as my surgeon said it probably wouldn't make any difference at my age, and I didn't need radiotherapy because I had the whole breast removed.  I am still taking the hormone tablets, which is fine, despite my behaving like a child at the start, thinking I couldn't cope with the side effects. There are some, but they are mild and I don't even notice them now.

As Jane says, you'll get through this and you will enjoy life again. This is the worst time when you can't stop thinking about cancer.  All you can do is to keep busy until you have your surgery, and in a few years, you, too, might be replying to some woman who has just been diagnosed, telling her everything Jane and I have said.  Let us know how you go on when you feel up to it, and good luck with everything.

love

Christine xx

Hi, I just want to echo what the others have said. You will feel pains and twinges all over your body and think the cancer has spread and your time is up. That's how it was for me and I was planning my funeral. But as soon as they gave me my diagnosis and treatment plan my whole outlook changed. Survival rates are so so good now as a result of new treatments. I've just completed 7 cycles of chemo and have had an excellent response. My treatment plan is to cure me of cancer. Please don't give up! You'll be fine. We're all here to support you, and don't forget you can call the Macmillan helpline if you just want to talk to someone and offload. Keep busy and distracted if you can, and I highly recommend cancer prehabilitation to cope mentally and physically. Lots of love coming your way xx

Hi HPMS,

A very warm welcome to our forum. 

I can understand how you're feeling as you wait for your biopsy. We nearly all feel tearful and overemotional at this stage and our overactive imaginations don't help. Many of us get annoyed with our poor well meaning hubbies, who try to persuade us to look on the positive side. Remember that he will be terrified too. 

Fortunately, our worst fears seldom come to pass. you will feel better once you have a diagnosis and a treatment plan. I felt exactly like you when I was first diagnosed. That was 13 years ago. I found a second cancer in the same breast the following year. First time I had a lumpectomy and the second was a double mastectomy. Thankfully, I am still here and leading a busy and fulfilling life. Treatments really have advanced tremendously. I lost my mum to breast cancer and there is just no comparison between the diagnosis, treatment and aftercare which we've both had.

I hope that you get your biopsy soon and that you don't have too long to wait for the results. Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on. We are always here for you.

Kind regards,
jolamine xx

Thank you all for your comments. 

The biopsy of the enlarged larged lymph node came back normal. (Yay - got to take the small wins) 

Have been told due to position and size I will need to have a single mastectomy with sentinel node evaluation. They have told me I am unable to have an immediate reconstruction and it will be delayed as I will almost certainly have radiotherapy following and they want the best possible overall chance of a getting it gone and treated without ruining a reconstruction. (This is what I'm really struggling with)

Chemo will depend on oncotype/lymph node evaluation. 

I'm floored. Everytime I have gone things have gotten worse. Gone from its small well whip it out you'll be fine (consultants words!!) to this!!!

I'm really struggling with the idea of being flat on one side for a year (or possibly more with the current waits) I feel like  they have told me they are chopping a leg off .  I know I want my life more than my boob but I'm devastated. 

I'm more scared for my hubby and kids than ever. I feel numb like I can't climb out of this whirlwind. 

H 

Hi Hpms,

I am delighted to hear that the biopsy of the large lymph node was clear.

This isn't bad news. It is great! We all have sentinel node evaluation at the time of surgery, so this is nothing to worry about. I can see why you're struggling with the idea of being flat for a year following surgery. The only person who'll be aware of this is your hubby. Prostheses nowadays really do  look like the real thing, when you are dressed. 

Here again, you can count yourself lucky that you will still be a candidate for reconstruction in a year.  This is such a small gap out of your life, that you'll hardly notice it. I wasn't able to have reconstruction following my double mastectomy and have had to rely on am assortment of different prostheses for different activities. I can't say that I particularly like this, but I am still here, so even the loss of my breasts, which were my pride and joy, is still a small price to pay.

You can do this and, we're all here to support you along the way.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Hpms1984,

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I am a similar age to you, my diagnosis ten days ago floored me as I have just had a baby. My lump did not feel small - though since the diagnosis I have been unable to touch the area at all. 
 

Like you I am terrified and my emotions are everywhere. I think once the relief that you can be cured sinks in, the reality of the treatment and the change to your life take over. 
 

My results day is tomorrow so I'm a few steps behind;  but I just wanted to say that I understand, I hate it too and everything you're feeling makes sense. "Keeping busy" is hard when you can't focus on anything and "stay positive" is a challenge when your brain is screaming at you all day. I'm so glad you have a plan and treatment and don't beat yourself up for struggling in these early weeks xx 

Hpms & els 

I'm wishing you the best of luck going forward for operstion and for results  please stay here for support and let us no how you getting on I was in your position last July the dreaded news but now I'm back to my normal life line a fizzy bottle of pop time goes quick you really don't no how strong you become . 

love Lara ️

Hi all,

Mastectomy and sentinel node biospy done on Thursday. Life is an adjustment, can't look without crying atm but pain wise so much more manageable than expected. Just got to wait for results now...seems like the waiting is so much harder x 

Doing my excersizes and getting to know my new underwear and softie. 

Thank you all for your kind words. There's still the mountain to climb....

Hi have read through all the messages since your first post. I see things have moved forward and your now on the journey to recovery. I think it always harder when you are so young and breast cancer comes in to your life. I'm 62 and just awaiting results tomorrw So  will start my journey soon. 

At my age I'm not so scared just want a plan to recovery. Have 7 grandchildren I want to see grow and have families of their own. And these are the things that keep me sane. Good luck with your journey, you will get better I'm sure and see your children grow up and have grandchildren later in your life to fuss over. Plant some pictures of future family life to look forward to. Good luck xx hugs