Together we will beat cancer


Breaking the news

12 Jan 2020 19:01

Hello, I have just been diagnosed with breast cancer. I am in shock right  now and thankful for this forum. My question is, how do I tell my children? They are 21 and 23 and live in different parts of the country.....there dad died 10 years breaks my heart that I have to tell them but until I do I know I cannot think of anything else....thank you for your suggestions 

Breaking the news

12 Jan 2020 22:39 in response to Andrea20

Hello andrea20

Sorry you have received devastating news.  I was diagnosed just before xmas and have a 30 and 16yr old. I kept it quiet over xmas as didnt want to ruin it for them and waited till I had my results and plan so I could give them the full picture. Then I waited when my girls weren't too busy or working so they could spend some time with me and digest it, i was also stronger than when i had initially been told (I cried like a baby for days)   I felt being armed with the facts really helped. We had lots of tears but within aa hour it had settled down. Told them on the 4th jan and now I dont know why I was worried. They are amazing and I feel so much better for telling them. (Although still feel guilty for upsetting them !!!)  I have found telling people is really hard.   

They will want to know to support you ♥️

Lots of love

Breaking the news

13 Jan 2020 08:57 in response to S800TEF

Thank you for your reply, I have also spent days crying like a baby, the news is so shocking and I am bereft of courage at the moment. I know it will be heartbreaking to tell them but like you say they will want to support me. I will find out this week when I'll see the oncologist, even typing that seem surreal, perhaps then when I have a date to begin I will summon the courage to break the news to them.

thank you so much for taking the time to reply

God bless you and keep you strong ❤️

Breaking the news

17 Jan 2020 22:12 in response to Andrea20

Hi there, was thinking about you today?   Wierd I know lol

How did your visit to the oncologist go?  Do you have a plan of action yet?  Have you thought anymore about telling your kids?

I'm not a massive fan of these forums as I think they worry me more unless I want to know about peoples experience with something like chemo. I keep to the newly diagnosed bit as that's the bit I needed most.  I start chemo on thursday.  trying the cold cap

If you need anything. I'm here ♥️





Breaking the news

18 Jan 2020 08:13 in response to S800TEF


I went and saw my daughter yesterday, it was heartbreaking to see her face as I told her but I'm so pleased I went to her and was able to comfort and reassure I will go to my son and do the same...

I have an appointment on the 27th with the oncologist and hope to have a date soon for the chemo to start.

I am also considering the cold cap.....why not.....everything is worth a try.

I will be thinking of you on Thursday, may you have courage and strength ❤️

Thank you for's good to talk to you xx

Breaking the news

30 Jan 2020 13:01 in response to Andrea20


Thought I would check in on you. How is it going?  How was your son when you told him?.  I can imagine your children have been amazing,  I know mine are. 

Do you have a plan in place?  I had my first chemo last Thursday and apart from a chesty cough come through it unscathed.  Coped with the cold cap ok but not sure the nurses knew how to put it on so not sure how successful it will be but to be honest now treatment has started and it's really sank in the enormity of what we are both going through it doesn't seem as important. 

Will be relieved to go back to work monday for some normality as everyone fussing is driving me potty. Lol

Hope you are coping and I'm always happy to talk.

All the best 

Stef xx

Breaking the news

30 Jan 2020 17:25 in response to S800TEF

Hi Stef, 

thank you for your message, it made me laugh! 
so pleased you chemo went well and nothing awful happened....getting the first one out of the way must be a first chemo is tomorrow!

my children have both been's such a relief now they both know what's going on.

so your going back to work? Good for you, let me know how it goes....I can't go back because I'm a nurse and the risk of infection is too high.

so pleased you are doing ok

keep in tough

Andrea xx

Breaking the news

5 Feb 2020 08:37 in response to Andrea20

Morning Andrea.

How are you coping after chemo?  Hope your not suffering with too many side effects. Which chemo did you have? I ended up spending the weekend in hospital with a temp!! Absolutely fine now but totally traumatised by the NHS's attempt at a sunday roast.

Did you attempt the cold cap?

I still have a full head of hair but have had a chuckle to myself as will no longer need a bikini wax .

Hope you are resting ♥️♥️

Big hugs  

Stef xxx


Breaking the news

5 Feb 2020 11:40 in response to S800TEF

Hi Stef

So pleased to hear from you. Good to hear that you survived an NHS Sunday roast! 
So far so good after my first chemo, it was tiring at the time and the first couple of days I felt weary but now I feel okay. should have started the white blood count increasing injections yesterday but discovered I'd left them in the car for the last 5 days instead of the fridge! Whoops, won't do that again.....going to collect some more today so will start a day late. Cannot at this moment remember the chemo drugs I'm on but I'll check the paperwork later and let you know....they said I'd lose my hair as well but like you I did the cold cap and so far it's still on my head

my cancer is stage 3 ductal triple negative....

love the photo of you and is that your daughter ❤️ Nice to put a face to our conversations. 
hope you are resting too, be kind to yourself..

big hugs and

Andrea xxx

Breaking the news

5 Feb 2020 12:33 in response to Andrea20

Oh that made me smile as I forgot to put mine in the fridge and had to get more!! What lovely mops of hair we both have, let's hope we dont end up looking like Waldo and statler from the muppets  

Yes that's my youngest Gabby, Studying politics and history at college. She is amazing, her nan has just been diagnosed with a brain tumour as well but she still manages to be my rock! What neck of the woods are you from? I'm in Somerset but actually from Nottingham. 



Breaking the news

5 Feb 2020 15:20 in response to S800TEF

That makes me feel better! I wonder how many people forget that first box somewhere .....

im originally from Southend-on-Sea but now live in Norwich.

Sorry to hear Gabbys nan is unwell, that's a lot to take in for all your family, but I think you find humour a good medicine as I do...

my mop has been chopped, I had a pre chemo cut but I quite like it short....the photo was this summer in Corfu, standing outside the church I got married in in 1994, I lived in Corfu for just under 20 years.

Lovely picture of you and Gabby xx

Breaking the news

12 Feb 2020 16:46 in response to Andrea20

Hi Andrea

Hope you have avoided most side effects from the chemo.

Thought I would check in with you before the return of dreaded chemo brain tomorrow.  It seems so unfair seeing I almost feel normal and have spent the week almost forgetting I have cancer!   

I have grade 3 invasive ductal carcinoma ER+  HER-   I am on the ROSOE trial which means I have 4 x chemo then surgery and if no more cancer cells will have 20 x radiotherapy, if still signs of cancer after surgery then 4 more chemo then radiotherapy   and finally hormone treatment for 5 years!   I was lucky to find my tumour before it had spread to my lymph nodes but it is 5cm so chemo was necessary. 

Gosh! Must of been lovely living in Corfu! How come you came back? I spent a few years living in the USA after marrying a GI in my teenage years but it wasn't as glamorous as it sounds lol. 

Have you been able to see your son and daughter much? How are you filling your days? I try and cycle everyday and training to do a tough mudder in july!!! Should be a laugh, all my kids, stepkids and grandkids are raising money in my honour, bless them. If I'm not feeling well I can run with the 3year old

Enjoy your week and hope you're  starting to feel normal again.

Stef xxx



Breaking the news

12 Feb 2020 21:13 in response to S800TEF

Hi Stef 

good to hear from you. How have you been following your first chemo, did you have any weird side effects? Do you have to do the home injections to boost the white blood count? I'll be thinking of you tomorrow.

I also have grade 3 invasive ductal carcinoma but mine is triple negative which requires 6x chemo, surgery, radiotherapy. The surgery will depend on the results of the genetic testing. As far as we know I am the first person in our family history with CA so hoping the genetics will come up negative.

ive had a couple of bad nights but otherwise not feeling too bad, yesterday and today I've felt pretty good, my next treatment is Friday 21st so another week to go

your family sound fantastic, so do you! A tough friend did it last year and loved it, she is from the West Country, Yeovil to be looks like great fun.

corfu was amazing, I had a wonderful life there but sadly lost my husband in 2009 so moved back to the Uk with my children to give them more opportunity, it was the beginning of the Greek financial crisis and would have been to difficult alone there as a single mum.

im impressed by you fitness regime, you put me to shame , I've been watching far too much day time telly ! ! 
I will have to get walking ....

you take care and let me know how things are going

Andrea xx

Breaking the news

15 Feb 2020 00:08 in response to Andrea20

Happy valentine's lovely

Hope you have been relaxing all week. 

I had no weird side effects. Drank plenty, cleaned my teeth after every meal and used mouthwash often so kept the obvious side effects at bay. My liver did not like the chemo and my ALT emzymes went up to 476 but have settled down a little and Yes I injected myself and start again this Sunday and did remember to put them in the fridge this time lol  

Had my second chemo yesterday with reduced epirubicin to help my liver. Managed the cold cap but was left with a headache which lasted all day. The thought of putting it on again is very unappealing although my girls find the hat very amusing lol. 

Sorry about your husband. How very sad!! It must of been s massive decision to come back to blighty! I was due to get married on the 4th of july but have decided to postpone the large wedding we had planned till next year.  Very difficult decision but cant get my head round all the organising needed. 

I'm sorry you had a couple of bad nights  I've been very fortunate and slept like a log most nights   but im glad you are coming out the other side. 

I have meetings in Yeovil job centre occassionally so i know it well. 

Whether the tough mudder will be fun, il let you know, but cant wait to see all the grandchildren get stuck in                  

stay healthy and strong for round 2 on the 21st, will be thinking of you 

Big hugs

Stef x



Breaking the news

15 Feb 2020 19:42 in response to S800TEF

Hi Stef, your correspondence always makes me smile, a big thank you for that

Today lots of my hair fell out in handfuls, it came as a bit of a shock, although there's no guarantee with the cold cap of fell out all over so just thinner , no bald patches.....yet!

sorry you had to reschedule your wedding day but completely understand why, having all this treatment is enough to contend with right now I'm sure......bonus will be something amazing to look forward to when it's all over ❤️
Look forward to hearing from you again soon

take care and keep smiling 

Andrea x