Hi Lonelygirl, 

I'm soo sorry for what you are going through, this is just awful for you and your boyfriend.  

I'm sending you a massive virtual hug to you and hoping at least you have a little support from your partner's mum. Are there any support groups in Portugal that the hospital can put you in touch with? 

You may feel so alone but I hope this group will give you a little support and know everyone on here cares. 

Sending love xxx xxx 

Hello again; I remembered the discussions we had a few months ago. So sad that things are going badly and your boyfriend is now bed-bound all the time.  Even when we know the prognosis and what is going to be happening it is a different matter to take it on board and live with it.    I know you told me that you have moved to a new town and you were unhappy with your job but am guessing it is all too much to deal with at the moment while you are doing your utmost to give your love and care to your boyfriend; be assured that you - in this awful situation - are giving him the love and comfort that will be helping him through this.  One day this will be a source of comfort to you.    I hope you and your boyfriend's mum are on good terms and able to give some kind of support to each other.   Life can be so unfair as we see and hear every day; I don't know what the reasons are but we have no choice but to go with what is happening and do our best as we go through it.  Keep in touch with this forum when you are feeling lonely and in need of support;   I and many others here have had to experience losing our loved ones so don't hold back and we will be here for you.  Annie

Hi [@RosieApples]‍

Thank you for replying. I don't think there are any support groups here, but I'm seeing a counsellor for free. It's an association in my city that provides counselling for cancer patients and family, which is good. 

Well, to read some threads in this group gives me some comfort. I guess there's not much we can do apart from keep living.

I saw your profile and I would like to express my condolences for your lost. I'm sorry you had to go through that. It's a pity that our lives are not being very easy on us lately.

Thank you so much again* Take care *

Hi [@Annieliz]‍ 

I'm happy that you reply to me once again and you remember me. That makes me feel seen and cared! 
Yes, I don't know how much it matters to know/understand the diagnosis, it's a slow, painful process for the cancer patient and his relatives...

I'm still a bit unsatisfied with my life/job but most probably this situation is just making me a more resentful person towards everything... I hope I'm doing what's right, considering that my relationship is relatively recent (me and my boyfriend have been together for 1 year and a half, and the disease has been with us for 1 year). His mum says I'm an angel because when he is with me his faces changes and he gets much more happy... 

Thank you for being so realistic and kind at the same time. I'm not a very super happy all positive force of nature, and I think I prefer this approach from people...Cancer feels very real, and I guess I can see you understand it because of your experience,
I'm also sorry for your losses and the suffering caused by this disease. It is indeed unfair and cruel...You are amazing to keep helping people in this forum, including me. It somehow makes me feel a wee bit better

Take care**

Hi again.  Funnily enough a day or so before you posted yesterday I had taken another look at our earlier correspondence.  I won't say I am pleased you are back (although I am pleased) because you are still struggling with a very sad and difficult situation.  So pleased that you and your boyfriend's mum get on - there must be a solid amount of love there radiating from the two of you.  I know it must be so hard sometimes amd heaven knows how often you have a cry but you are working wonders for your boyfriend's feelings.  Keep in touch; actually I don't really like to say that as it puts an obligation on you when what I really mean is keep in touch as much or as little as you want!  Annie

Hi Annie, what a coincidence hun?
Well, I spend a lot of time with his parents, I think me and them, we are the biggest source of caring for him.
I appreciate you taking the time to respond. I hope everything is going well with you.
I was feeling pretty miserable today morning, and finaly I said to a friend that I wasn't fine and she invited me for a coffee. I just got tired of answering the "everything's fine" whenever people who are not aware of the situation ask "everything okay?", you know, the common greeting. I love when people see my pain and show with initiative that I can count on them. Hopefully, the conversation in real life will make me feel better, and later I'll have the strengh to go socialise more.

Take care**

I've posted here before about my feelings. When I first posted in the forum I was completely in despair and I'm feeling depressed again as that time. I'm starting to have suicidal thoughts, feeling like a zombie, like I'm already dead because I cannot cope with my life... I feel guilty for having such feelings because I'm not the one with cancer. I just wish something good would happen but anytime I  smile something happens to destroy that happiness. Sometimes I wish this was just all over as soon as possible, like why keeping with treatment if he's not gonna get better, and then I feel terribly. I can't stop thinking, my head is just absurd. Life doesn't seem to have any meaning, it seems it has much more pain, struggle, unfairness, sadness, suffering than pleasure and happiness. I wish I was never born at all. I try to speak with people, entertain myself, keep myself busy, but nothing works, the bad thoughts always come back. I don't understand why I can't be more of a satisfied person but sometimes it seems that the universe is conspiring against me. I just want to have a normal life and feel the joy again... My boyfriend is not himself anymore, he is a sick man. I want my boyfriend back. I don't know what else to say.

Hi again.  Have been away for a little while, staying with friends (and also getting rid of a stomach bug or some such).  I have tried to imagine what you are going through (but of course I cannot, only the person affected knows what they are feeling).  Easy for me to say but take pride in yourself for doing the right thing and caring for your boyfriend and also with and for his family.    I think many people have cause to think "Why?"  "What have I done to find myself in this situation" and - as far as our knowledge of our species goes - we don't have an answer.  So many people go through the hell you are experiencing and I think all we can do is provide support and reassurance thst you are doing the right thing.  I realise now is not the time to try to dig into your psyche but believe me you are coping with a horribly difficult situation.  Annie

Hello,
I hope that you're feeling better Annie :)
It's so many emotions at the same time. The good: I got a new job, don't know how I'm going to proceed, because I think I have to notice the actual institution I work with 30 days ahead or something. it's in the same town I'm in now, it seems more stable, and hopefully, it will be more interesting. 
I spent the weekend with my boyfriend and he's getting worse. His parents think he will die. He is struggling to eat, and now he's struggling to breathe so much that is hard for him to talk, we almost can't hear him. He is a zombie, due to a mix of depression, pills and the disease symptoms...

I guess knowing that I'm doing the best I can to visit him can be a source of comfort. I think I will take some days off to go with him to the doctors, to support him but also, getting more information to know what to expect for.
Thank you for validating my feelings, it is indeed difficult to know what to say to feel better, but I guess this forum makes me feel "normal" even if I'm such pain. 

I went with my boyfriend to his doctor, and found he has probably less than 2 months to live. To be honest I didn't felt that shocked, as I was expecting a similar prognosis. It has been tough lately, I guess more "boring" for us, because whereas I keep visiting him, he still doesn't feel quite well. So we end up our weekends on the sofa, watching tv, and I miss when we could go travel and do stuff outside. he is also getting super grumpy, and sometimes agressive with his parents, they disagree a lot with each other. His parents want him to eat in proper schedules and sometimes he is not hungry or just wants to sleep, so they fight, and I'm there not knowing exaclty what to say... 
I think his deterioration caught us quickly... he was able to do a last trip to belgium in nye, but now there's not much he can do, he's bored and with pain... It's hard to wait for the death, because I don't want to treat him like he's gone, he's still here, but we cannot be the same couple as we used to.