Very nicely written, Kebbs. I too am 67 and was diagnosed with breast cancer in October. Mine had spread to my underarm lymph nodes. I have had a masectomy which has made me scarred for life. I face 6 sessions of chemo, followed by radiotherapy, my first chemo is Monday. 
Such a scary place to be, the fear of the treatment and the cancer returning.

But I am lucky, I have a very supportive partner and friends have been amazing. Cancer has taught me to be grateful for every kindness. And I've been promised a puppy in a few months from a litter. She isn't even born yet, but cancer has also taught me to be patient, so I live in hope! 

Silver x 

Hello Silver,

A puppy?!!! How lovely. I have considered getting a dog too. Animals are such a comfort in so many ways I think. 

Yes I think experiencing ‘fear’ of what’s ahead has been a shock to me. I get scared most of all about now. It often stops me sleeping until around 3am. when I fall asleep through sheer exhaustion. I don’t think I have ever had to deal with fear before. Life has been relatively straight forward. I have been blessed.  This cancer has given me a body blow I wasn’t expecting. 

Are we really supposed to be ‘brave’ and ‘positive’ all the time??  I am finding that quite a tough call as well!! Some days I feel quite deranged, angry and anything but positive. Surely that’s normal?? 

67. It’s not old but I guess not young either. I always believed I would get to 83. Not so sure about that number now. Maybe 77 if I am lucky??? Too soon for me whatever. I want to live, like most of us do I am sure. We all know we will die one day but I have never truly considered it. It’s in my face now and it’s quite difficult to look away. 

Silver I will keep you in my heart. Please let me know how you get on. Yes stay hopeful and when you just can’t....rage against this  awful crap.  There are many of us out there doing just that. 

Go well,

Kebb. 

Suddenly being faced with ones own mortality shakes you to the core. We have decided once this treatment is over we will have lots of mini breaks, maybe not big expensive holidays but places iwe can take our puppy with us. They say what makes you happiest in this world is your memories, very true! The biggest fear I have is of the cancer spreading  or coming back. Sure hope this treatment zaps all those cells. 
Wishing you all the best with your recovery,

Silver 

Hello Silver,

just to say good luck tomorrow. I think it’s your first chemo treatment(?) Yes hoping it zaps every cell it needs to. 

I start my radiotherapy tomorrow. New beginnings!!! 

I wonder at times what the impact of all this happening 

will have on me. It’s such a massive blow and yet I truly

wonder if I have really taken it all in. Perhaps not. 

Go well tomorrow  

Kebb x