Hi there ... the best place to get your info is either nurse help line on here or McMillan free phone ... they can give you more qualified advice .... 

Its a scary journey that wer on and it sounds like your dad is trying to cope with some stuff on his own .. men do sometimes hold their feelings in , and want to be in control of things as sometimes those of us going down this road feel we loose it due to things tthat we can't control (hope that makes sense) 

what helped me was my family said they would support me in any decisions I make ... they held my hand , supported me and let me decide when and what I felt comfortable talking about ... it made me feel in control again and in doing that I could be quite open then .. we cryed / hugged and sometimes even laughed too ... maybe your dad feels a little like that ... 

thinking of you .. big hug Chrisie xx

Hi Chrisie

thank you so much for taking the time to reply, for your kind words & for your advice.  

You're right and I will try to let Dad dictate the pace of information sharing and behind the scenes try to glean all I can to try to understand what might be happening. My Mam seems quite hands off and she asks me about it but isnt chatting to him and so as a family maybe we need to all find our comfort levels. I want to know everything but it's not me who is in the firing line on this one so I need to be patient and supportive.  I will try to ask the nurses on here although I know my info is scant.  Thanks again Chrisie and good luck with your battle xx

Hi there ... your sounding on the right path .... I did the same as you when my 14 year old son was diagnosed diabetic... I had to look chilled while I was with him .. then soon as he went to bed I read up everything I could find out on how to keep him heathy like he could have something sweet if he went out for run / play ... baby easer eggs (the tiny one ) so he didn't miss out ... how to read his blood sugar and what made him high / low ... and eating weetabix before bed so he didn't go low in the night ..

so id say do what your doing , find out all you can , get perspective, don't panic , help him , without him realising (like I did for my son )  and when he does open up , listen... support is important, without taking over ... like when I knew my son was low , I didn't say a word but I'd make him a tea and get the biscuit barrel out ... worked every time ... he's now 36 and doing so good ... 

good luck , your a star ... Chrisie xx

Blimey that must have been a difficult time but so glad your son is thriving  family is so precious it's so difficult when a member is in crisis and you're so strong Chris to tailor your support to his needs. 

My mam has had CML for a couple of years now, she has regular bloods etc and is on an oral chemo gleevec and she is more forthcoming but as you say everyone handles things differently and Dad has his own way.  I've made contact with a nurse as you recommended and I'll be there. 

Thanks again your replies are really very much appreciated xx  

Hi Lisa thank you so much for your reply and offer of direct email. This is all new to me I'm afraid . My Dad had blood in his urine and was quickly processed thru to a TURBT with a chemo flush and they removed 3 tumours inc one large v close to his ureter.  He then went to the consultant this week and was informed we need to wait 6 weeks since last op and then have a bladder biopsy because he has an aggressive cancer and they want to check on roots?!? We don't know until he receives the  letter the process or details of the op and to be honest we don't always get sight of his letters as he's being quite private about them.  I've read about BCG being used as a treatment but imnot sure what dad will have apparently it depends on what they find when they operate in October. Dad said he has no grade or stage. They are 4 hours away and I want to do all I can to support them so any advice much appreciated.  I hope that you are well and imso grateful for your kindness.

thanks Sam