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Back on the rollercoaster

deejay12
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Hi, I'm Paul. My mum, who is 87, was diagnosed with grade 3 breast cancer on February 2016 and had a mastectomy in April 16 as a result. Her lymph nodes on her left side were also removed and no cancer was left. Mum was too old for chemo or radiotherapy so started hormone tablets, initally letrozole for three months, but she struggled with the tiredness so was switched to tamoxifen. Again that didnt help so she was eventually taken off them in February this year. I live with mum and was able to work from home to care and cook for her. The tireness continued though, which we thought was due to Anaemia and there was also weight loss (55 to 49kg) which we put down a reduced appetite. The breast cancer doctors didnt seem that concerned. However, Mums GP sent her for a CAT scan in April this year. The results were given to us last Friday. Suspected upper colon cancer. Theres also a a nodule on her lung that could mean nothing or could mean its spread. The next step is a colonoscopy under sedation.to see the cancers extent. 

Mum was shocked as she has no pain. She does have constant dry cough which I was worried about before the results and makes me think the cancer has spread. Mum is struggling mentally, shes scared. I feel like I've been hit by a bus. I cant sleep, am constantly weepy. When my dad was in hospital with Emphysema, the battle with which he lost in 1996, there was a lady opposite who had bowel cancer, constantly having diarrhoea and painfully thin. I remember how much I hoped that no one I loved ever suffered like that. yet thats just what may happen to the person I love most. Its killng me inside. The future is now very scary and the thought of mum dieing in pain is with me all the time. 

A decision will be needed on surgery if it can be done. At mums age though and after her strength was sapped by the last years events I am so unsure. Its a damned if you do.. situation.

I am angry at a system that looks at just one area, the breast, and doesnt monitor reccurance vigorously. I am angry at the injustice of mum going through this over and over. Selfish thoughts but thats how it feels. Its overwelming at times so I thought I'd join this forum to speak to others who have been though, or are going through the same journey. Apologies for the disjointed ramble. If anyone can share their thoughts I'd appreciate it.

Paul

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    Hi Paul,

    I am so sorry to hear of both your mum’s and your own struggles. Cancer is a horrible disease and there is little we can do to halt the process. I can fully understand just how terrified your mum is.  She has been hit by a double whammy – the possible spread of the disease and the eventual outcome.

    I have had two bouts of breast cancer and I will never forget how I felt the day that I discovered that I had another primary cancer in the same breast. Of course, to start with I didn’t know that it was a primary and I convinced myself that it was spreading. I was sure that this was the case until I finally got the results of my biopsy three weeks after I found the lump. I think that waiting on results is always the most stressful time of the cancer journey, partly because we always seem to fear the worst.

    Your mum is very fortunate that you are able to work from home to look after her needs. I am sure that she is much happier at home than in hospital. This latest news is likely to have hit you like a ton of bricks. Unfortunately, you still have to remain the strong one for her. Don’t worry about crying – preferably not in front of your mum, but it’s not the end of the world if she sees this. She will feel secure in the knowledge that you are upset by seeing her, the one person who has stood by you from day one, facing this terrible battle.

    I believe that cancer spreads more slowly in the elderly, so this should help, even if she cannot manage to have any further treatment.

    I hope that she hasn’t got too long to wait for her Colonscopy and that the results are better than you are expecting. Do let us know how things are going. We are always here to support you both along your cancer journey.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine  xx

  • Offline in reply to Jolamine
    Thanks Diolamine for your reply. Its a great support. The colonoscopy is on 7th June. My dad passed on the 6th June so that will be on mums mind no doubt. You are right, the waiting is terrible. I will be present and I also also understand they will tell us what they see and I will see it too. I'm not squeamish but that thought I might see an untreatable tumour is scary. I will try to fit as much in of the thing mum likes doing between now and 7th. x
  • Offline in reply to deejay12

    Sorry for the typo with your name x

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