Hi All

I have always had a "bad tummy", always passed small rabbit like stool however normal a lot of the time too. First started getting bleeding at age 20, always put down to piles. I do normally have the piles symptoms with it.

About 8 or 9 years ago I had my first bout of bad illness, I got excrutiating stomach cramps, worst pain I have ever had, I would then get diarrhea for a couple of visits to the toilet and then it would just be blood, this would last from 24-48 hours then go and I would  go back to normal. I have had this about once a year almost every year since. I have been in the hospital over night a couple of times, I have had blood tests everytime, rectal exams (finger), poked and prodded but only ever 1 abdominal xray. Other times I just had to wait it out at home while on phone to NHS 111.I feel fine between cramps, I get a cramp, go to the toilet, pass blood, pain subsides until the next one which could be 2 minites or an hour.

My most recent episode was just before Christmas, I called doc to get codeine as they usually give me that to calm it down. The doc asked me to come in and said I needed referred to the hospital. I had a blood test a few days later which showed I was aneamic and I have just had a positive FIT which isn't suprising as I went there for bleeding but now I am on the two week pathway and I am terrified beyond words. At the moment I have discomfort in my anus and episodes of itching and burning.

My episode in 2021 ended with doctor feeling my stomach with was stillpainful from the inflammation and a finger rectal exam where she said she felt a lump and it would be a pile and gave me suppositories. Nothing happened after that symptom wise so never followed up. Now I can't stop thinking what if this lump was something else.

I have health anxiety and generalised anxiety and I have been doing the wong thing and googling and everything says bowel cancer however nothing is specific to my symptoms which have epsodes of severity followed by for lack of a better word...remission.

I have a 6 year old boy who is my world, I am obsessed with him and I can't help thinking I am not going to see him grow up and we are so close that I know this would affect him terriby.

I don't know why I am writing this, just need to get it out as my mum and husband keep telling me to stop googling and there is nothing to worry about until there is something to worry about however I can think of nothing else. I am beside myself and feel sick to the stomach