Together we will beat cancer


At end of my tether

8 Jun 2018 17:26

Well its just over a month since i lost my liz the pains getting worse been put on tamazapam its helping a bit but ime in depair guess ime ime just exhausted and warn out have had lots of intrusive thoughts about escape dont think i can go on much longer. To me its its  like loosing ten people my love my friend my confidonte my carer had a bike accident last friday lorry engine blou up sprayed oil on road and bike sliped out from under me ended up in a/e for eight hours they found i had some pancreas calsificatcal and amm bruised lorry company admitted liability .but all that to sort my deseased wifes cars still at the back of house our caravan has to be sold as cant bare to use it is ime having grief counceling .has anyone had grup therapy is it helpful?? To me the accident was as if my liz had caused this so they could find the problem with pancreas otherwise how would have been found i could have gone on till it got bad think they call it synergie other than bruising i wasnt damage ime hoping this is the case as it gives me confort for a while other things unexplainable things have happend to ive gone to bed because being awake is to painful 

At end of my tether

8 Jun 2018 22:15 in response to Paulus

I do not know what to say to you except I read your post and it truly touched my heart,just to let you know I am thinking of you and your situation,but please try to be as strong as you can and god bless for now.

At end of my tether

8 Jun 2018 23:21 in response to jipster

Thank you i keep telling myself ile be ok but somtimes i dont  beleive myself and it all comes crashing in nice to know that cared enough to send me your kind messag regards p

At end of my tether

9 Jun 2018 03:48 in response to Paulus

I'm so sorry that things have been so difficult for you. I hope that you've gotten as low as you can go and that things will just get better for you. It sounds like you have made a lot of positive steps in dealing with your grief. A lot more than many of us, I'm sure. Sending my warmest wishes your way, and wishing you all the strength you need to keep feeling better 

At end of my tether

9 Jun 2018 04:08 in response to Serapine8

Thank you so much for your kind words its a lonlyl trip one i didnt think i would have to make just yet .but i do beleive my lizzie is with me .think they call it sinergi excuse grammer i have mild dyslexia once again many thanks its helping me keep going .p

At end of my tether

9 Jun 2018 10:43 in response to Paulus

Hello Paulus,

It is heart-warming to see you have received so many kind messages from our community. Many here have embarked on a similar journey having lost a partner - they may have lost a loved one a while ago or like you only in the last few weeks but they will know only too well how you are feeling at the moment and how raw it must all be for you. As Serapine8 said, it does sound like you have taken some positive steps in dealing with your grief and it is normal to be feeling exhausted and that it is all a bit too much. We have some interesting information on Coping with Grief here which describes the different stages in the grieving process and the complexity of the emotions involved.

Don't hesitate to reach out to others when it all gets a bit too much, whether it is talking to a friend or talking to others here who understand exactly what you are going through. There is help available, for example the charitable organization Cruse Bereavement Care which specialises in bereavement support. If you want to talk to someone even in the early hours of the morning, you can also get in touch with Samaritans who have a free helpline 24 hours a day every day of the year.

And finally, rest assured that we at Cancer Chat are also all here for you, from the moderators who are online every single day to our community of members many of whom have  felt the  intense pain and loss you describe. I am sure they will be there soon to share their own story and experience with you and maybe you can use this site to support one another.

Warmest wishes during this difficult time,

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

At end of my tether

12 Jun 2018 14:37 in response to Moderator Lucie

Thanks ime not so bad i was saying to crissie its like stood up to your waist inth water with your back to the sea and then a big wave hits you and down you go again thing is liz and i were so wrapped up trying to keep her going it took over our lives even in my job ive spent my life putting things right and this time i couldnt so i feel a failure even though ime ime the only one who thinks it everone else thought no one could have done better i just need to believe that myself some days i do then i dont think we were more than in love like two lost souls who made up one complete soul but i am feeling better the grievings horrid its the anxiaty we suffer that makes us near mad 

At end of my tether

12 Jun 2018 20:57 in response to Paulus

That's beautifully written Paulus, I am sure many on this forum will recognize themselves in your description, the image of feeling you have been hit by a big wave. Don't feel a failure though you've done amazingly you definitely couldn't have done better. I hope this forum will bring you a little comfort and that you can talk to others who also feel they have lost a soul mate. It can help just to talk to others who really know what you are going through because they are going through the very same thing themselves.


At end of my tether

12 Jun 2018 21:55 in response to Moderator Lucie