Hi bharanink

The consultant has given you a fair idea of your father in law's life expectancy, he has metastatic cancer. Treatment may or may not lenghten his life however no one can say how long a person with cancer will live. I know you'd like to protect your wife especially as she is pregnant and should be enjoying life right now. However it is important to talk with her and be frank about the situation. It will give her the impetus to spend time with her dad and enjoy his company, to say all those things that many of us regret not saying, when someone is suddenly taken from us. I say this as someone on both sides of the fence so to speak. Best wishes for all your family. Kim

Hi bharanink

No not all stage 4 cancers are terminal but the % chances of surviving for five years is very low.  (after reading Michelles reply I am editing this to say stage 4 in general not Lung cancer specific)

The consultant can only give you an estimation of how long he will live without treatment and this is usually based on how fast and far the cancer has spread.  His reaction to chemo will also depend on various factors including his present health condition.  Many people have had treatment and are surviving (like myself) others unfortunatly do not there is no guarantee.

Only your Father in law can make this decision but information can be found on this website and MacMillan's also have lots of information.  The more informed the better.

It really is a difficult time for Him and staying posative is a good thing but I agree with kimchoson that you also have to be realistic make sure you do things that worst case scenario you wished you had done and then best case scenario you will have made his cancer journey easier.

Best wishes. River

Hi there, 

im sorry to see your father-in-laws diagnosis. Stage 4 lung cancer that has spread is terminal I'm afraid.  A realistic prognosis could be days to months, chemo could enhance life or speed things up. It's a gamble. 

I personally think your wife needs to be prepared for the inevitable rather than believing he can be cured, this way the grieving process will start gradually rather than be forced on her further along.  Cushion the blow if ever you can when you lose someone so precious. 

8 months ago I lost my precious dad to suspected lung cancer that had spread to his liver and also adrenal glands, maybe further. He died suddenly 3 days after being diagnosed and being told by the consultant a possible 8 months. 

Im sorry you find yourselves in this position and hope my views don't offend? This is purely based on my journey and my loss.

take care

Not all Stage 4 cancers are terminal (which means death is imminent - usually within 6 months) but your wife needs to be realistic as well as positive.

Whatever you do, don't make promises you have no control over - this could backfire horribly especially given the sites you mention to which the cancer has spread. The professionals will probably be concerned that a negative attitude might persuade him to do nothing and refuse treatment. 

The estimated timelines consultants give are only ever estimates and are based on averages. Michelle's family have sadly experienced one extreme, mine has thankfully experienced the other but I am under no delusions regarding my own prognosis. There are so many unknown variables, no-one can ever be sure how things might develop but the balance of probability is always with the average. 

I hope this helps and doesn't further confuse things.

Dave

Hi Bharanink,

My Mum just passed from stage 4 lung cancer and I’m devastated. She tried immunotherapy and that didn’t work and then by the time they gave her chemo she was so weak that she was admitted to hospital that night and passed 12 days later. I believe the chemo was too strong. I don’t know how much longer she would have survived without it but feel we were robbed of some time. Best wishes to your family.