Hi Summer68. It sounds to me as though you have been absolutely briliant. You have concentrated on all the evidence-based stuff, which is absolutely right. The alternative stuff is always secondary to that. Sure,  there are anecdotal success stories for alternative treatments, but the hard evidence is always to be found in the scientific literature, based on hard statistics of a large number of patients. And even if the statistics are really grim, there is always a small number that 'beat the odds'. That's statistics for you.  

So please don't beat yourself up. You have been fantastic. Here's hoping for the very best outcome for your Mum. xx Harry

Thank you Harry,

The problem is all the ‘advice’ I. Being given by well meaning friends - just last week my sister in law declared that she wouldn’t use conventional medicine at all if it were her as she believes in the conspiracy of the big pharma companies. I ended up having a heated discussion with her - but I feel people are judging me and will give a little smug nod when I loose my mum, if I haven’t tried their suggestion. Evidence doesn’t seem important to these people - They all know someone who knows someone who was cured. Can I honestly hand on heart say I’ve tried my best? - no because of what other people keep suggesting. 

Im struggling watching Mum be so ill and I’m not sure I’m strong enough to cope .

Hi there summer ... OH hunny ... you really don't need this guilt on your shoulders ... it sounds like your mum has tried everything that she can ... but I've heard the last thing we get is acceptance... all those well meaning people are probably trying  to give you hope ... everyone has their own journey with this cancer ... I would say, let your mum lead the way on what her heart tells her, and then support her on whatever path she chooses ... your just holding her hand ... let her lead the way ... 

We all hope for mirical cures...  but all I can say, being the one with cancer ... is take every day you have as a gift ... my mum spoke to me on the phone one Monday morning, last thing we said was see ya tomorrow ... there was no tomorrow, she had a heart attack that afternoon ... no time to hold her hand, to say I love you just one more time ... what I would give for one more day ... so you grab every day you have with both hands, and say all those things in your heart ... is there something she still wants to do ... something she needs to say ... bet she has lots of memories she wants to share with you ... and its o.k to feel scared ...cancer wants us to spend every day crying and it wants us beaten and knock us down, but I for one won't let it ... I'll pack every day making lasting memories, laughing, hugging and yes share a few tears too ... but please don't waste one minute on what ifs and maybes ... you are amazing .. and if I'd had a daughter like you, I'd be as proud as your mum is of you ... you take care of your heart .. and listen to that and let what others tell you go over your head ... big big hug brave lass chrisie xx 

Hi Summer,

This sort of thing really annoys me! When I was first diagnosed I too was bombarded with "advice" from supposedly well-meaning friends and colleagues. This included someone who photo-copied an article from a celebrity gossip magazine about the cancer wonder cure baking soda who earnestly told me about her belief in the Big-Pharma conspiracy! I pointed out that tens of thousands of people work for Big Pharma and that they would all need to be heartless to stand by and watch their loved ones die, knowing there was a cure locked in the safe. I have a friend who is a very senior manager in R&D at a Big Pharma company who has been in exactly that situation.

The only friend I took any notice of was the chief pharmacist at the NHS Trust where I worked, who kindly checked for me that the chemo regime I was due to start was the most clinically effective and not just the most cost effective. It was the most clinically effective one for the cancer I have.

Your Mum has wisely chosen the most appropriate route for her and it has given her three extra precious years. If she and I had gone down an alternative route I'm sure we would both be dead by now. 

Your sister in law is an inconsiderate fool who has no real idea about what she would do in the same circumstances. Would she be brave enough to trust her life to an unproven alternative whose "successes" are at best based on anecdotes?

If you read up on these alternatives, most of the so-called cures are of people who have received conventional treatment complemented by an alternative therapy but weirdly the people in question attribute their better than average outcomes to the alternative. I could quite easily and with the same degree of justification claim that my own better than average outcome from my chemo regime was down to the fact that I have drunk an average of one bottle of red wine per week and eaten muesli at least twice a week, as a complementary therapy and make millions in profit from desperate people seeking an alternative therapy selling my secret diet of red wine and muesli,

There are NO proven alternative cures. There are some chemicals within some of the alternatives (including cannabinoids) which look promising in the laboratory but safely translating this into something which works in humans takes many years to complete.

Of the hundreds and thousands of promising chemicals only a handful prove to be of any practical use. One of my chemo drugs was based on a chemical originally found in fungus. If the chemicals within cannabis oil do turn out to be useful, these would simply become another chemo drug available to oncologists. 

The so-called theories of starving or feeding cancer cells don't even stand up to common sense, let alone scientific enquiry. Cancer cells are simply mutated human cells, therefore anything which starves or feeds them will have the same impact on all the cells within a patient's body.

Apologies for this rant - you and your Mum have done all you can do and shouldn't be made to feel anxious by conspiracy theorists - however well-meaning they claim to be.

Best wishes
Dave 

Well, there is no big-Pharma conspiracy in my case. I have penile cancer (fortunately diagnosed at an early stage) and I was struck by the way chemo hardly ever figures in the treatments for the various stages of my type of penile cancer . 'Because  it doesn't work' was the reply I got. 'If it spreads beyond the lymph nodes it is almost invariably terminal, even with chemo, so there is no point'.  

The only medication I have had, in my entire cancer journey, has been a local anesthetic during my biopsy, a general anesthetic during my operation, a morphine tablet immediately after surgery, and a few paracetemol tablets during the following days. If that's a big-Pharma conspiracy, it's pretty rubbish  :)

Doctors weigh up the evidence, and decide whether to prescribe accordingly. And in some cases it is not black and white. If you have Stage I colorectal cancer you will normally just have surgery, if you have Stage III you will normally have surgery+chemo. If it is Stage II however, the survival advantage (i.e reduction in the percentage chances the cancer will recur) definitely exists, but is small, and doctors discuss among themselves, and hold different opinions, about whether chemo should be administered, given the side-effects. The point is that the doctors themselves decide, based on hard evidence.

I think I'm also trying to say, in as polite a way as possible, that your sister-in-law is full of crap :)