Hi there Julie. .

This first year is like raw grief .. like a wound that won't heal... like being in a world where everyone around you ... the t.v .. the other shoppers .. they are looking "normal" and how can that be when your world has turned upside down ... how come it doesn't all stop ... 

But in a weird way .. that's what gets you through .. for me, I looked at my one place where I'd leave my thoughts of mum at the hospital door .. as I then worked in the maternity unit .... seeing new life while , my mum had left ... and I'd pick it up on the way out .. it gave my brain a few rest hours from that pain ..

And I'd often picture my mum right there and think what she'd say to me .. there are a couple of coping mechanism... but sometimes l think we have to acknowledge that because we were blessed to have had wonderfull amazing parents ... it's gonna take a lot of time ... 

I've know my mum's come along my journey through life ... and she's helped my boys at times too .. they show little signs when you least expect it ... and when I got diagnosed with breast cancer , from that day found feathers every where ... the day l got the news it was "low risk" they stopped .. 30 years this year, my mum left .. yes we do in the end come to terms with it .. but we never stop missing them ..

Remember you are half of him ... he will see through your eyes ... just coz we can't see them, doesn't mean they are not there ... sending you a vertual hug .... Chrissie x

Awww hiya Christie xx 

      I know, I know

I just don’t want to go through it again. 

I’ve done  this when I found my daughter passed away in her cot totally unexpectedly, at age of 2 ( she had cerebral palsy ) in 1989.

and again when mum died 4 and half years ago. 

Its because I’ve been here before that  I feel like I’m on the floor again and will do anything not to walk that long lonely walk yet again. yet I have no choice and it’s worse than ever, I don’t feel strong enough for this, but I know there is no one in the world that can walk this walk for me. Xxxxxx 

Thankyou