Oh Monique ... cancer wants us to give up on life ... it creeps in , uninvited to our bodies, and then it's not happy until it can ruin every inch of your being ... 

You have to start by liking yourself, you don't need to be perfect ... just an average Joe. .. try looking at yourself through your hubbies eyes, when you were at your happiest... what did he see ... do the same through your sons eyes ... before cancer ... that was who you were ... you havnt changed, it's the cancer that has changed you ... 

Your boss needs a kick up the bum ... there are laws now that will stop him doing that ... phone McMillan and tell them you need advice about harassment at work ... find out your rights ... 

You can only do this if you look in the mirror and say  "I can do this"  and in your head, you tell cancer, it may have damaged your body, but your taking back control ... your hair may grow back... but a good wig is fine ... you have a choice of colours and styles ... wear it with pride ... it a symbol of how far you have come ... and never forget just how brave you have been, don't give up now ...I'm proud of my mastectomy scar , I don't see a missing boob, I see a sign of strength and a will to put two fingers up to cancer ...

It won't change in a day ... but baby steps ... you have to learn to like yourself again ...you can loose weight after you get sorted ... though l remember my mum's jelly belly and still miss seeing it wobble when she laughed, which was often .... slowly become that person you was before cancer ... and if you get knocked back, have a cry, scream shout, and then get back on this rollercoaster ride and hold on tight ... wer all there with you ...

And if one time you can stand up to that boss of yours ... tell him, he must be blessed not to have had someone he loves dearly have it ... then he might have a different attitude ... coz his attitude stinks ."..

I'm here most days ... there's lots on here that will help you through ... and you can do this ... you can go back to the real you ... in doing that your kicking cancers butt down this path ...

When I felt really weak one time, I wrote it on here, and someone who had never posted before wrote ...

The devil whispered in my ear "your not strong enough to weather this storm"   I whispered in his ear ... "l am the storm"   well it got me to stop having a melt down ... I found my boxing gloves, put em on, and told cancer to watch out... I'm coming ... we may win or loose this journey wer on, but we can kick it's butt along that path ... always here if you need a shoulder ... l care ... l know your amazing even without meeting you ...  sending you a big hug ... Chrissie

What a horrible man. What goes round comes around. Re your appearance. There are lovely wigs about. Just make your it’s fitting  properly (maybe your hairdresser could cut it if needed) I also  have put on weight and look pregnant so I’ve had to buy a bigger size and watch it doesn’t cling. I’m sure your husband still loves you. He’s probably done in with all that has been going on. Maybe suggest a date night. I admire you being able to go to work. I had severe depression before being diagnosed with secondary breast cancer. I’ve got an appointment on Monday and am totally convinced it’s spread to my bones. I feel G-d is punishing me. I read about all those ladies carrying on with their lives and so envy them.I am wasting mine (and my hubbies) so can I join you in the G-d  is punishing you Club? He’s a busy man so maybe he’ll leave us alone.

Hi monique.

This is bullying the workplace, and it is unacceptable in the 21st century. 

If you are unionised that you can see your union rep to discuss your options. You can also do a Google search for bullying at work to find advice. Don't try to tackle it without guidance, and don't lose your temper and flip (tempting though that might be). 

Hi Monique. I’ve tagged [@davek]‍  who is brilliant with this kind of stuff. He really helped with advice when my bosses were being horrible when I went back to work. 

Hi Monique,

What an utterly horrible person your boss seems to be. That sort of outlook on life is positively mediaeval. Nothing to do with Christianity - that's for sure. Having cancer is simply unlucky, nothing else. I'm not a Christian but I was raised as one and I remember being told that we are rewarded or punished by God for what we do in this life in our next life and that only heathens and pagans believed that illness was a punishment from God

His bullying actions are not only nasty but probably illegal. His breach of confidentiality, telling people about your cancer without your express consent, is particularly vile and possibly unlawful. His victimisation of you is a breach of your human rights.

I suggest that you seriously consider taking legal action before you do anything else. If you are in a union, start with them. If not, both Citizens Advice and MacMillan will be able to advise you for free. For details on some of your legal rights see www.macmillan.org.uk/.../legislation-about-work-and-cancer.html

Having cancer is depressing enough without all this sort of hassle. I hope you find a way forward soon and that your story has a happy ending. 

Other people have given far more sensitive advice about your personal issues than I ever could. 

Best wishes

Dave

Start with your boss here, there is some very good advice on this site about how to deal with cancer treatment and the effects this can have on you in the workplace. You are also covered by the Disability Discrimination Act, as cancer survivors we all are. Put this into the search banner at the top of the page. You have the right both as a human being and an employee to be treated with respect. 

Let’s look at you and yours now.  Are there any Look good, Feel Better sessions where you live? I went along to one and just the afternoon spent making the best of what I have made me feel better and more positive. One of the friends I have made on this site also recommends The Haven Centres. Look them up, they might be really helpful. I’ve also heard of Maggies but know very little about them so that might be another road to explore. If you can start to feel better about yourself, those around you will as well