Hello all,

My dad was diagnosed with cancer just over 2 months ago. Started in his prostate and has spread to his bones. It's incurable, but we have not been given a prognosis for how long he has left (do they actually tell you that if you ask for it? Doctors have dodged answering when we ask them, but we don't push too hard as we're afraid of the answer I guess). He went from living a relatively normal life to not being able to walk more or less overnight. I was living abroad but moved back to look after him, so I don't have a home of my own here.

I'm staying with him right now but the house isn't ideal for either of us. It's a terraced house, and he sleeps on a hospital bed in the living room, it's quite cramped and difficult for him to reach things he needs. There is no downstairs bathroom and he can't manage the stairs, so a carer helps him wash and he uses a commode which he can get to using a walking frame. He usually feels quite well, it's just that he's not that mobile, but he is able to be independent to a certain extent, enjoys that, and would like to do more for himself, but the way the house is laid out makes it difficult to get around with a walking frame. As for me, I'm sleeping in a bedroom upstairs which leads to the bathroom, so the carers need to go through to access it. I'm struggling with not having the privacy or space to recharge (or in fact the space to even unpack). 

I'm considering a few options: 1) me moving nearby so I can still look after him most of the time but have my own space. But this doesn't solve the problem of him getting access to a proper toilet and shower which I know would make him so much more comfortable. Option 2) find him a bungalow or house with downstairs bathroom (private rented, he's a private renter at the moment) or Option 3) finding special adapted housing for older people/people with disabilities, like social housing? I've been looking into these housing options but there is hardly anything suitable and we don't want to move away from our support network. 

He's a bit resistant to 2 and 3 which I totally get as moving is a huge upheaval anyway, especially when you're ill though I would be happy to do all of it with help from friends and family. And he's not keen on 3 because I think he doesn't want to see himself as someone who would need this kind of special housing... like I say his life changed more or less overnight, it's a huge adjustment. I just think that it would be nice for him to have a better living environment and more independence while he can... but we don't know how long that will be before he deteriorates... I'm just not sure how much to push talking about this issue with him. He is going to start enzalutamide treatment soon which the doctor has told him people live for "years and years" on. 

I was just wondering if anyone who is either a carer or who had/has cancer themselves has faced a similar decision and might be able to offer me some advice about whether moving him would be a good idea or not? Would love to hear your thoughts.

Thank you! :)