Hello Phil, my husband was exactly the same - he would not ask for help from nurses or GP, saying that they could not do anything to help him anyway, or that they would make him worse (he believes the chemo has made him worse and he would have been much better without treatment at all). If it had been up to him, he probably wouldn't even have been diagnosed yet because he didn't want to see the GP... I think it is mostly because he hates not being in control and having to ask for help, being a very proud man.

a few weeks ago, he was really sick over the weekend, constantly vomiting etc. So I decided to call the hospice nurses for some advice anyway, despite his protest, because at the end of the day it was really upsetting me to see him so poorly and I told him that he could look at it like I was calling them more for my benefit (getting some reassurance etc.) than for his. Eventually, the hospice nurses advised me to contact the out of hours GP service for someone to come and visit - since then, he has had a syringe driver put in and a district nurse comes every day to reload the syringe and amend the medications as required and we also have carers coming twice a day. He has made it very clear that he didn't want to go to the hospice or to the hospital, and so he is at home (similarly to your mum, he hasn't eaten in ages and is bed bound). He has also agreed for the GP to complete a DNR, because he doesn't want to be rescutitated in case he was to be ill/fall so that he doesn't have to go to hospital and spend his last days there.

So what I am trying to say is that sometimes you have to do things that you think are right even if it upsets your mum, because doctors and nurses really can help with all sorts of medications and equipment. Andy has a medical bed in the house now as well so they are making him as comfy as they can in the house, as per his wishes. 

Ring the numbers anyway and ask them to pretend they just happened to call in as they wanted to do a routine check that everything is OK. My Mum was terrible for not wanting to make a fuss or put people out - even though she accepted that this was what they get paid for!

Sometimes doing the right thing isn't always straightforward.

Best wishes

Dave