Hi lsteed85

Firstly I am very sorry for the loss of your mother and what you had to go through with doctors not being able to diagnose your mother, it just shouldn't happen. I can tell from reading your post that you loved her very much and were very close.

I just wanted to reply to your post as I can in a way relate to it, you are further along than me I lost my mother November 2018 after finding out she had lung cancer in Feb 2018. This was when things changed forever. Still for me this does not feel real I wonder if it ever will sink in. The thought I will never see her again is crippling, like you I saw and spoke to my mother every day.

I also feel robbed of how many more years, love and memories I could have had with my mother. I keep asking why her? She was loved and very much needed still. Life is very cruel and unfair. I know there are no answers out there for why this happens to the very best of people. All I do truly know is I was very blessed to have a mother like mine. It sounds like your mother was also very special person and you are trying your very best to carry on for your mother. 

There is a point to your post, you needed to write it down and I needed to reply to say I understand you in saying you hate this new normal because I hate my new normal too.

Take care, I hope you manage to try and enjoy some of the weekend with your friends. I think this Sunday is going to be difficult for a lot of people. I know I am dreading it greatly but it will come and it will go and we will be stronger for it.

X x x

Hi I no excatly how your feeling I lost my mum in August 2018 to sclc that spread to her brain my mum was only 60yrs old,Everyday since she passed has been a struggle her birthday is coming up on 30th march a day I'm not looking forward to at all I wish you all the best I hate cancer so much.

Hi

Your story struck a chord with me. I'm in Canada, so mother's day is in May, but like you, we celebrated that special day. My mum was in the hospital on the palliative care ward and we didn't know how much longer we had with her. But she was in such good spirits that day, requesting a McDonald's cheeseburger of all things, and coffee, donuts etc. We were having conversations about politics and movies. I really thought we would have more time together. She had only had her lung cancer diagnosis in February. Sadly, she passed away just four days later. Ten months on, it still doesn't feel real. Although we didn't talk on the phone daily, I visited her once a week and we had the best chats. We connected on such a deep and profound level, two peas in a pod. Life without her is hard. I totally know how hard the milestones are, it would have been her 80th birthday just ten days ago. I know that in two months time, the first mother's day without her will be heartbreaking.

Cancer would have to be the worst disease there is what is does to the human body is terrible,my mum has been gone 8 months and it still doesn't seem real I still have my mum's phone number in my phone it's turned off but I still call it so it goes to her voicemail so I can still hear her voice I just hope it gets easier with time.

I wish I had my mum's voicemail but unfortunately she just wasnt that tech savvy :-)

She did take part in a programme for our local Hospice and was even filmed 2weeks before she passed away - I watch it every now and again just to hear her voice but i'm not sure if it helps or not.

I've also started a blog over the last couple of weeks - just to talk to mum as if she was still here - telling her about things and what we have all been doing.

I find myself getting jealous of my friends and them having there mum's - throughout mum's diagnosis I never aloud myself to believe she would actually die and even when we were told that day in the hospice I just shrugged it off thinking oh its ok she will pull something out of the bag and even she herself didnt hear it and kept talking about how she would be stronger tomorrow and that she would try and eat more. It broke my heart seeing her like that but I think I believed what she was saying to me as the truth just devestated everybody so much.

I write to my mother too. It helps. I get a bit torn up inside when I see people with their elderly mums, it hits home that mine is gone. I too didn't believe she would die!!! I don't know how I pushed those thoughts away, but my mum and I were both in denial I guess. I think we both thought that she'd be one of the strong lucky ones and would live long past what anyone else thought. I wish I'd accepted it sooner. It might have made things easier. But maybe it wouldn't. Either way, it's hard. It just is.