Hi there ... bless your heart, your still so young to loose your mum ... and it does get easier with time, but you never stop missing them ... my mum went suddenly, she phoned me in the morning about seeing each other the next day, but that afternoon she had a heart attack and there was no tomorrow... that was 28 years ago ... I still think of her every day, especially now I'm on my cancer journey...

The way I coped was a book by Paul McKenna... he said when painfull memories creep in, you have to visualise a wonderfull or fun memory you have of them, and relive it, every word, every look, and play it over and over, till it makes you smile, and push the painful one away ... it does help ..

As you said, it is quite normal to feel and go through what you are, and there's no easy way round it, its part of loosing someone we adore ... those who hold it in, suffer years later, coz it does come out sometime ... but remember, there's lots who have never had a loving parent, we were so lucky to have had them in our life ... one saying I love is, don't cry because you loose someone... smile because you were blessed to have had them ... sending you a big hug ... Chrissie xx

Chris is always sensible and helpful (as opposed to me who sometimes just says the first thing that comes into my head!)  I know I sound like a broken record to regular users of this forum but try ringing the Cruse bereavement service (Freefone 0808 808 1677).  I have never used them but in a life where I have lost family and friends I have often heard good reports of their service when there is difficulty in moving forward after a death of a loved one.  My best wishes.

Thank you Chrissie <3 I always wonder what it will be like in later years. I've never actually thought to try to visualise a good memory when the bad ones come in, so thank you so much for that - seems very effective. I'm so sorry to hear you're going through what your mum went through. Stay strong and keep your head up. Thoughts are with you xxxx

Hi there ... so glad it helps ... though must confess my mum always phoned me all times of the day, and she'd just sing "I just called to say I love you" and put the phone down... always made me chuckle, and now when I hear it on the radio, i do have a moment or two ...

I always thought if mum was there with me, what she'd say to me ... and I knew if she saw me crying she'd be heartbroken as she was full of love, and loved a giggle.. and now I try to stay positive, coz then she would look down and say that's my girl ... mum didn't have cancer, she phoned me one Monday morning, making plans to meet, and stay at mine Tuesday... she had heart attack that afternoon, out of the blue ... I never got my tomorrow... but I feel her with me all the time, esp when I had my mastectomy.. 

And I know, one of these tomorrow's shell be there waiting ... so hunny think of what your mum  would say to you ... bet she'd be so proud, of how much you love her ... so in her memory make her smile when she is looking at you... xx Chrissie 

A little poem to keep in your heart ...

I'm sending a hug from heaven, i wish you could feel it today ...                                                                            the love we shared is forever, time and space can't take that away ....                                                                

I see you on days when your crying, or just wishing we could talk ....                                                                   even though I'm now here in heaven,  i still need to see you smile .....

I send you butterfly kisses ,  thought you don't even know I'm there ....                                                                but it's me peeking around the corner,  and touching a strand of your hair .....

Hi Atrkr,

I'm not a therapist but I think because you're mum was away from you during her treatment and when she returned 2 years later very weak you haven't been able to reconcile her diagnosis with with how weak she had become because you noticed never went through the stages of treatment or illness with her.

in your mind she went from happy and healthy to being in hospital.

you never got a chance to come to terms with her diagnosis.

im not saying it makes it any easier watching somebody go through it - that in itself is awful too. I'm currently going through this with my dad. He's fine at the moment but each day he's on chemo he's getting weaker and he's lost weight. I'm praying he goes into remission.

i agree with AnnieLiz in that you should call the number she's given you and talk it over with one of the trained nurses.

i think you're so frustrated because you feel cheated out of spending any time with your mum.

i hope it all becomes easier for you and you can find some enjoyment in life again.

our lives feel like they're stuck for 3 months till dad gets his mid-treatment scan done.

take care

mari

I lost my dad a month ago and I am exhausted. I can't sleep, one minute I'm OK next minute I want to scream. My dad died in France and in currently still here to be with my mum for abit. My mum is so strong and is the only reason I actually get out of bed in the morning. I'm so worried that when I get home it's going to hit me hard. At the moment I'm in my dad's house, all his things are around me his favourite chair his music his shoes and his jacket is still hanging up, it feels as if his popped out and will be back soon. 

I feel as if I'm going insane, I don't know how I'm going to be around people when I get home, the slightest thing triggers me, a certain word or a song and I'm back beside my dad watching him take his last breath.