Wow- don’t know really how I feel - in the process of preparing for the worse and hoping for the best - the funny thing is that on Wednesday pre diagnosis i felt fine. Usual aches and pains associated with being 52 - however now every twing imagined or other is now evidence of the breast cancer spreading. Why do we get more worried when it’s dark? To the point if I need to get that loft cleared out- pack my stuff up - well I could give my Hillwalking gear to such and such. Am a single parent of 3 children 2 of which are grown but still in their 20s - and my 16 year old - haven’t told s 2 of them as they are in critical stage of their education - and I don’t want them to worry or be destracted from their education. However my middle son guessed- god only knows how. This I I have to be honest - if it is the end I have a lot to be greatful for - but idea of my children having to go through this “ kills” me. And daft as this may seem I’m worried about if this all heads south - who will take my dogs- daft I know. Suppose it could be stages of denial but I don’t give a *** about myself - sorry if that offends anyone - it’s not my intention - My friend reactions range from laying out their funeral cloth to just listening- prefer the later. Positives of a new cancer diagnosis - historically I was never considered house proud - now my house looks like the front cover from Goodhouse Keeping. Perhaps I should make more of an effort not to bother as the kids will figure out something is wrong. Sign off for now from the latest member of the crap club. ( again apologies for any offence)!