Together we will beat cancer


4 days post diagnosis’s

24 Dec 2017 13:21

Wow- don’t know really how I feel - in the process of preparing for the worse and hoping for the best - the funny thing is that on Wednesday pre diagnosis i felt fine. Usual aches and pains associated with being 52 - however now every twing imagined or other is now evidence of the breast cancer spreading. Why do we get more worried when it’s dark? To the point if I need to get that loft cleared out- pack my stuff up - well I could give my Hillwalking gear to such and such. Am a single parent of 3 children 2 of which are grown but still in their 20s - and my 16 year old - haven’t told s 2 of them as they are in critical stage of their education - and I don’t want them to worry or be destracted from their education. However my middle son guessed- god only knows how. This I I have to be honest - if it is the end I have a lot to be greatful for - but idea of my children having to go through this “ kills” me. And daft as this may seem I’m worried about if this all heads south - who will take my dogs- daft I know. Suppose it could be stages of denial but I don’t give a **** about myself - sorry if that offends anyone - it’s not my intention - My friend reactions range from laying out their funeral cloth to just listening- prefer the later. Positives of a new cancer diagnosis - historically I was never considered house proud - now my house looks like the front cover from Goodhouse Keeping. Perhaps I should make more of an effort not to bother as the kids will figure out something is wrong. Sign off for now from the latest member of the **** club. ( again apologies for any offence)!

Re: 4 days post diagnosis’s

24 Dec 2017 15:16 in response to Shona123

Oh dear, Shona, you know what resonated with me.  Your comment about the dog.  Let me be straight - I have not had cancer but I have medical problems and my main worry was about the future of my little dog. I know Dogs Trust will take him but I wanted someone that I knew and who already loved my dog to take him!  Perhaps that is the only level of problem with which we can cope sometimes but it was very real.  There are ladies who are post operative breast cancer on this forum - at the precise moment I think many people are doing last minute Christmas things - I should be tidying up a bit but am not particularly fussed as I have already done the family rounds and we are having a quiet one at home.  I am saying everything in the wrong order and I really am very sorry that you have had a breast cancer diagnosis - I hope it has been caught early?  Do you think your son might tell his sisters?  Whatis your next step now?  I cannot offer any knowledgeable comments on what yu should expect but I did want to respond to your post.  If you look through previous posts you will find more informed comment than I can give also this website's section on breast cancer.  Bless you, Shona, this is a really nasty Christmas turn-up for you.

Re: 4 days post diagnosis’s

24 Dec 2017 16:25 in response to Shona123

Hi Shona,

Welcome to the forum.

Great timing! It sounds like you've had a very busy few days. The first few days after diagnosis are a weird time, I was just emotionally numb and concentrated on practical matters and hassling to get my treatment started as soon as possible! 

What diagnosis and prognosis did you receive? Has your cancer been staged and graded yet? Once that's done, you'll have a better idea of exactly what you are dealing with.

Best wishes




Re: 4 days post diagnosis’s

24 Dec 2017 19:20 in response to Annieliz

Hi Annieliz thank you for replying to my post - was beginning to think My emotional response to my situation wasn’t suitable for the **** club. I have done a lot of random reading over the past few days - and the advice re telling children seemed to towards telling them - as by not telling them can create a whole range of rejection type responses in them. ( this website specifically) so I told my eldest son ( who is currently finishing off his masters) . It was fine ( as far as telling someone you love more than life itself) that’s theirs a chance you may rot in front of them and that from that point onwards their family will be their brother and sister - and to keep that relationship precious regardless. Son shocked obviously spoke about practicalities, emotion and possibly future- then after that but there is still hope. When I told Him I may need to put dogs via the breed rescue he said he wanted them and wouldn’t see them go - being family pets - phew one less thing to worry about. Does your dog have a breed rescue you could call on if required ? I don’t think it’s the illness that counts and makes use ruminate it the fact that our mortality is called into question- personally I don’t give a **** about cancer but I care about leaving this world a tad to early leaving a job half finished. However where are we promised a day? Where does it say life is fair - cancer is just another illness that calls into question what we feel is fair and right. ( again no offence ment) 

We have decided not to tell daughter till I know more on the 11 th when I see the surgeons - then I will know what needs/ can be done. Both boys will take care of daughter even if she chooses to live with her dad. As for not knowing the right thing to say - I don’t think there is a right  or wrong thing to say except most of us don’t know what’s ahead of us - we may know a bit more - x I hope you manage to find some joy this Xmas as that’s what makes life good x 

Re: 4 days post diagnosis’s

24 Dec 2017 20:36 in response to Shona123

I do like what I read of your posts, Shona.  I hope your upbeat mood continues but don't be surprised if you have ups and downs. How serious is your diagnosis (not that you are obliged to tell me or anyone else here) but what I am trying to tactfully say is what does your consultant say about future treatment?  Re my dog, there is a probably a breed rescue thingie - he is a bischon frise - but I accidentally missed a word from my post and made it read as though I was currently on a downhill path which is not the case - I just have to be careful following tuberculosis and chest problems generally.  But I am okay at the moment - apart from normal 65 year old thingies.  When do you see your doctor again?  I know what you mean by middle of the night blues - it must be pretty nasty in your situation.  If I cannot sleep I do not fight it but sometimes go and get a cup of cocoa and/or play word games.  There are loads of different ones - think of a capital city beginning with A,B C, and so on.  Think of, say, five girls names beginning with A,B,C etc.  There are loads of variations on this theme - doggie breeds beginning with A,B,C, or whatever subject you want to try it for.  I hope you will keep us informed - so many people on this forum with first hand experience then others like me who have lost loved ones to cancer and just like to chat to people.  It is 8.40pm and I still cannot say I have tidied up in any meaningful manner for Christmas Day but hey there are lots worse things in the world.  I hope you and your family have a great day together. 

Re: 4 days post diagnosis’s

24 Dec 2017 21:44 in response to davek

Dear Dave I have been told I have breast cancer by a consultant I met the day I got my diagnosis- after being scanned in a van outside Tesco’s - i got a letter telling me they wanted to see me the next day - I thought it was for a few more checks which turned out to be a rake of prodding scanning and a biopsy. what I know is I have to see surgeon s on the 11th - apart from that I know nothing - I didn’t  know the protocol -  it was a shock - I didn’t have a list of questions- or know what to ask - I thought they would send me away - but they told me to stay as the consultant needed to talk to me- just remember thinking this is nonsense. It was only when I was driving home and I was talking to my sister the penny began to drop - so will need to wait till the 11th to find out grade type etc x 

Re: 4 days post diagnosis’s

24 Dec 2017 22:18 in response to Shona123

OMG - what a shock!

On the one hand you've been spared the usual wait to see a consultant to get the results of your scan. On the other you've not had time to prepare for the news and work out what questions to ask during your first appointment with your consultant, or even get your head around the fact that you might have cancer.

Good luck for the 11th and I hope you manage to enjoy your Christmas.

Best wishes


Re: 4 days post diagnosis’s

24 Dec 2017 22:24 in response to davek

Thanks Dave you to x however to be honest I was never big on Xmas or as I like to call it the festival of consumerism however just taken the kids out for dinner at a really posh restaurant- I have never been so glad to leave - as each child pushed the other to do stupid things - final hilarious straw was my 16 year old downing a pint of lager - haven’t laughed so much in a while x 

Re: 4 days post diagnosis’s

24 Dec 2017 22:30 in response to Shona123

lol - that sounds fun Wink

Re: 4 days post diagnosis’s

25 Dec 2017 02:53 in response to Shona123


Hi Shona,

What a terrible way to start the Festive season. As Dave quite rightly says, the first few days after diagnosis is a weird time and we all react differently to it. I do hope that you have caught this early and that you respond well to treatment.

I see that you haven’t discussed your treatment options with your consultant yet? It does become a little easier to deal with once you know what stage your cancer is at and, what type of breast cancer you have, as some are more aggressive than others. Fortunately, treatments are improving all the time. Instead of the death sentence that it used to be, there are now many people living with cancer instead of dying with it. I lost my mum to secondary breast cancer 20 years ago and have now had 2 bouts myself. My treatment began 7 years ago and there is a huge difference in the treatment that I have been offered in comparison to what was done for her.

You might find it helpful to draw up a list of questions before you return to hospital on 11th. I do this for every visit, as it is all too easy to forget important questions during your appointment. You will find that you may not have so many questions to start with, but you will get more as you learn more about your condition. It is also helpful to take someone with you to all of your appointments.

Don’t be at all surprised if your mood changes like the weather over the next few weeks. It is perfectly normal to experience floods of tears one minute, anger the next, desolation, worry about family, etc. Don’t try and stem the tears. They are a good release valve for stress.

A positive approach is helpful in fighting this disease and will help immensely when it comes to telling your children. As you have already discovered, most of us here have found it better to let our families know our diagnoses as early as possible. I appreciate that they are at a serious stage of their education and that you don’t want cancer to impinge on this, but, say that the worst did happen and you hadn’t told them, how do you think that they would feel knowing that you had discussed this with two of your children, but not with the third?

I am glad to hear that you all enjoyed your night out. Try to make special memories while you can. This is so much better for all of you instead of dwelling on doom and gloom.

I do hope that you manage to enjoy Christmas, despite having this news thrust upon you. Please keep in touch and let us know when you get your further results. We are always here for you whenever you feel like talking.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Re: 4 days post diagnosis’s

26 Dec 2017 14:56 in response to Jolamine

Hi Jolamine

Thank you for your reply - it does offer hope - however It feels a bit strange saying I take comfort from you experiencing this twice - But that may well be denial speaking and I haven’t as yet fully let the more subtle implications resonate with me  - faced with them having to face these set of circumstances - and selfishly I know not being there to continue to watch/ guide them grow and experience life - I would happily peel my skin from my bones. So will need to wait till the 11th and then I will know more - to be honest I haven’t even got the foggiest what I need to know - as fortunately this far perhaps I am no expert - what I need to do is read and learn - but really will my knowledge make any difference- if they ask me to cut off my head and sew on a button - I will do this if it helps. 

Why not the 3rd child - agh - it’s almost if I tell the 16 year  old it’s real - I couldn’t deal with her grief - and by telling her at this time of year could stain this time of year for her going forward. I don’t know I just knew it wasn’t the right thing to do at this time. But I know I have to. She will se what’s coming and experience it as she still lives at home- I know I don’t want this time in her life detailed by me and some illness. But I also know this is also part of her reality - and I owe it to her to be honest. My difficulty is I am a single parent- and like a lot of single parents - we fear if we die who will take care of the kids - That was and is my biggie man - know this must also be a great fear for those in couples/ and other arrangements - and my intention isn’t to cause offence- but it will be what it will be. 

Im scared because she lives with me some of the caring role will fall to her - I won’t allow this- I don’t want her to watch me die - yet is this me denying her her place and right - who the **** knows - what I know is I am resilient - self sufficient with a stupidly high pain thread hold - I may need to rely on those traits in the months to come.Currently trying to prepare emotionally for the 11 th so - reasons to be cheerful if the news is ****.

1. I have wonderful sensible healthy children who are strong as a unit.

2. I have ****** up a lot in my life but am a really good mum/dad

3. My children are grown or nearly grown ( not like some peoples experiences I have read on this site)

4. If I die the kids get a big pay out.

5. I won’t have to exsperience my kids going before me.

6. I have lived 52 very healthy happy years.

7. Won’t have to exsperience the indignities of old age. ( pensions **** anyway)

8. Will hopefully have time to write the kids a pamflet on sage advice on managing imagined challenges they may face in time to come. 

9. Knowing they won’t have to balance getting on with their own lives while feeling guilty for not spending time with an aging parent.

10 oh the big one for me - telling arses to do one - I have a few. 

these are again my internal thoughts rants and I don’t expect everyone to agree. 

Sorry for offence