Together we will beat cancer


28 year old boyfriend stage palliative care

11 Jan 2023 22:58

My boyfriend at 28 was blocked couldn’t go the toilet for 3 weeks he eventually went to the hospital on Christmas Eve  where they did a scan and found cancer, bowel cancer he underwent surgery to remove the poo stuck there he woke up too 2 stoma bags and has been in hospital since recovering we new it was cancer and it was in his bladder and again see his stomach wall. 

All the doctors had a meeting Friday they came monday to tell him he is riddled with cancer in his bowel area it’s everywhere and in difficult places He has a week to a month to live with no chemo with chemo a year there a tiny chance the chemo works and then he can have surgery but they would be removing everything his bowl bladder all of it, he’s getting out Wednesday at the latest because either next Wednesday or Monday the following week he starts chemo

and I’m lost, I Don’t know what to do I have no hope I’m 26 and I’m heartbroken it’s happened to him and it’s as bad as it can get for him, I see how sad he is and scared and I want to take it all but I can’t I’d swap positions if I could. His family are great and so are mine but I’m not as strong as I make out he’s my first love and I’m going to lose him. And I’ve never been so scared in my whole life. He keeps making little comments about when he dies and it's like someone has taken a dagger through my chest. I'll never grow old with him or have kids or have any of the life we dreamt of. I'm at a total loss.

28 year old boyfriend stage palliative care

13 Jan 2023 14:04 in response to Steroline22

Hello Steroline22

I'm so very sorry to hear about your boyfriend's diagnosis. Undoubtedly this is a very difficult time for you both and for your extended family and friends. 

I know we have lots of remembers who have lost loved ones and hopefully some of them will post to share their advice and support with you but in the meantime I wanted to give you a couple of links to organisations where you may be able to access some additional support. 

I'm not sure where you live but if you have a Maggie's local to you then I'd suggest getting in touch with them. They're able to offer a number of different face-to-face, telephone, and online support services and I know lots of people have found them to be an invaluable source of support. 

You might also want to look at this link for Shine Cancer Support. They are an organisation that supports people of your age diagnosed with cancer as well as their loved ones. I hope that you will find some of their support services useful. It may be that your boyfriend wants to access some of their services as well if he feels he'd like to talk to someone outside of his immediate circle of family and friends. 

However long the two of you have left together, undoubtedly this is going to be tough for you both. Keep talking to each other. Don't be afraid to share your thoughts and feelings with each other. You may not get to have the future that you planned but you do have the here and now so make the most of each day and in some way find or make a happy memory together. Something to sustain you both on the dark days. 

If you want to talk with our team of nurses at any point you're welcome to call them on 0808 800 4040, Monday to Friday 9 am to 5 pm. I know they will be glad to offer any support and advice they can. 

Keep in touch here on the forum. Let us know how he gets on with his first chemo and how you're both doing. 

Thinking of you both, 
Cancer Chat moderator 

28 year old boyfriend stage palliative care

16 Mar 2023 02:15 in response to Steroline22


I'm so sorry this is happening to you both. It's an awful situation and I am in a similar one so understand all the things you mention about the future. My now husband was diagnosed with stage 4 bile duct cancer last May at 28, out of nowhere. I so hope that your boyfriend has responded well to chemo and it has given him some relief, if he's able to, plan a night or two away and spend lots of time together. I know it must still feel so surreal but I find comfort in spending every minute by his side, knowing that should the worst happen, you were there as much as you could have been.

Sending lots of love ❤️