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20 yr Daddy-daughter relationship ending

6 Nov 2018 19:54

My father is my biggest inspiration and influence. He has taught me virtually everything I’ve ever needed to learn: life lessons, how-to’s, skills and traits.  I am a mini him overall. 3 days ago I learned he has 2-4 weeks to live. Tell me how heartbroken I was.. am. He looked the saddest I’ve ever seen him. It seems my family and I have kind of pushed this illness too the side to continue living our lives regularly.. now reality has kicked us in the face. I love him unconditionally as he has me but now these years that I’m supposed to be spending thinking with him and going on trips with him.. are being ripped out of possible reach. He is too sick to do much of anything .. so how can I spend the time we have left with him. I feel sad, alone, tired, hurt.. as I’m sure he feels 110x more than I. How can I continue to give him my all

Re: 20 yr Daddy-daughter relationship ending

6 Nov 2018 21:42 in response to daddysgirl245

 Oh dear, my heart goes out to you. How sad it is to read your post but it is filled with so much love for your dad. He must be a very lucky man in that sense. 

 You say in your post that he is not capable of doing very much at all. I’m guessing at this stage he probably doesn’t want to do anything other than sit with, and be comforted by, those he loves the most. And that most definitely includes you.  Have you asked him what he would like to do? Perhaps sitting and looking at photo albums, watching a favourite film together,  could you help him write down some of his favourite memories from his childhood ?  I am in a similar situation, my husband is also dying although we have no firm timescale. I am helping him compile a list of “ favourites“. Favourite film, favourite holiday, favourite childhood Christmas, favourite childhood present, all those kind of things that evoke comforting memories and I am discovering things about him I never knew even after 33 years together.  I am going to help him put together a memory box.  Is that something your dad might like to do? 

 Do you have siblings that you can lean on?   You mentioned family – I hope you are all supporting each other through this most difficult and sad time. 

 The important thing is that you spend a lot ever time you have to gather, holding hands and making sure that nothing is left unsaid.  

 Take care of each other and be kind to yourself. Sending you lots of love 

Ruth x

Re: 20 yr Daddy-daughter relationship ending

7 Nov 2018 16:38 in response to daddysgirl245


i am 100% praying for you. i am in a similar position with my dad. somehow we find that strength from somewhere.

its still so raw and new to me too. 

please keep us posted. you never know, it may help others. you got this!

x x x

Re: 20 yr Daddy-daughter relationship ending

8 Nov 2018 22:54 in response to daddysgirl245


i'm so sorry to hear about your dad. I'm in a similar situation and we have been told Christmas is a good aim at the moment. So children counting down to Santa calling has a totally different heartbreaking effect on me....but we go on.

like you I think I lived in denial for the first few months (he was diagnosed in July) then it hit me....hard. He's lost around five stone since diagnosis and is to poorly to leave the house. He's a fantastic taid to my three boys and I break a little more every time i see them with him...but we go on.

my dad is 63 and I'm 35. He was lying in bed over the weekend...I sat next to him with my middle son...we watched Santa clause the movie...I felt like I was seven years old again...I will always have that memory.

dont put pressure on yourself...sometimes it's just being there...having a cup of tea...watching a film...offering support...just being there. 

I have lots of similar thoughts to you...the trips we were all meant to take, the meals, marriages, birthdays....I hope it gets better for you...reach out to us...keep in touch and know you are not alone. Big hugs xx

Re: 20 yr Daddy-daughter relationship ending

9 Nov 2018 07:38 in response to star101

Hello Sez... just wanted to say what A lovely message you have just sent. This forum is all about supporting each other and it’s so heartwarming to see it in action. Thinking of you and your boys and of course your lovely dad xx

Re: 20 yr Daddy-daughter relationship ending

9 Nov 2018 17:37 in response to SusanRuth

Thank for your beautiful suggestions. These have really helped me feel more comfort knowing that although my father may be too weak to get out and do things we can still share thoughts, memories and bond with the time there still is. I’ve realize it’s super important to focus on the fact that he IS here now, being present is key. Much love to you for your own experience currently. Xoxo

Re: 20 yr Daddy-daughter relationship ending

13 Nov 2018 00:28 in response to daddysgirl245

My father wishes to have a father-daughter dance with me before he leaves.. Suggestions on the best way to make this possible?? He is unable to walk on his own these days, uses a walker to get from room to room, little to no energy throughout the day to do most anything other than lay on the couch or in bed.  I love this beautiful idea, I feel as though it may not be possible,. I know nothing is impossible though

Re: 20 yr Daddy-daughter relationship ending

13 Nov 2018 22:41 in response to daddysgirl245

this is so lovely I'm trying to think how you can achieve it! What sort of scale are we thinking? Could it just be a 'slow dance' which doesn't really involve much movement just rocking and going in small circles? You may be able to support him? Someone in the back ground as a fail safe? Do you have any thoughts on what you'd like to do? Big hugs xx