Hi Gemini,

I do know how you feel as a lot of what you wrote was exactly how I felt when my mother was in hospital. Such a range of feelings and emotions. You feel guilty as you dont think your doung enough, but the reality is there is nothing much you can do to meke them better. I truely believe it is often harder bieng the carer than it is the patient. At least when your the patient, you do feel you have some control.

Sending kind thoughts and best wishes your way, Brian.

Hi Gemini..

So sorry you are going through this, how awful for you. As you might know my mom passed away a few months back and the last christmas she had was in hospital which tears me up inside. This will be my first christmas without her and it will be so hard. You do feel like you're not doing enough but in reality you physically can't take this away from her even though you wish you could. Cancer takes away so much it's true. I really don't know what to say other than treasure every moment you have with her right now. Spend time with her as much as you possibly can, make memories while you can. Tell her you love her and make her laugh. 

Sometimes it's easier to speak to a stranger about how you feel than a family member. Maybe contacting a grief counciler would help? I'm sure the medical staff at the hospital could suggest something.

You are all in my thoughts...

God Bless xo

Thanks so much Brian . 

Thanks Antoni hope you ok take care .

Hello Gemini

Please take some comfort knowing that you are not alone and your fears are shared by others.

I wish I could turn back the clock.

My mum was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer in July, words cannot explain sadness and anxiety my sister and I felt. I live overseas and the guilt I feel not being available 24 X 7 has almost sent me over the edge. I am so lucky to have been able to come home and be here for 5 weeks of chemo radiotherapy. She's had pneumonia and neutropenic sepsis, we almost lost her twice. She's very ill and having terrible mood swings which are so difficult and sad, as we so want to make her happy, and sometimes I feel while I am here staying, caring and transporting into hospital that each day that I am irritating and frustrating her. I cannot begin to imagine what she must be going thru emotionally and physically but this awful disease has sucked the life out of her and it is heartbreaking to watch helplessly. 

My friends and sister have been such a support and help and try to keep in touch with others and normal routine, daily events or get out and get some exercise to take your mind of everything for an hour or two its an enormous help. Even if it's just for a nice walk, do it!!

Like you we love our mum dearly and cannot imagine life without her.

Concentrate on time with your mum and worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. It's so hard.

Take care

M 

Thanks mn26 it's so hard I'm lucky in way because we don't live far from each other from my parents and my two sister . we are trying to carry on as normal as possible that the hardest part for me . Then it hits me that makes it worst its little things like is this going to be the last Christmas we going share with my mother what the new year will be like . I just can't stop thinking thanks again it means a lot .  

Hello, ive been really moved by your words which have struck a chord with me. Im so sorry that you and your family are going through this.   My mum was diagnosed with secondary breast cancer to her brain in august. We have a scan coming up next week and results the week after. Like you I love my mum so very much and cannot bear to think of my life without her here.  Shes being so brave but I hate to think of her frightened.  As you say its special times like christmas when you start to think, this is prob our last one together, hard not to let your thoughts be consumed.   Like you, we are trying to keep everything as normal and stay positive.  I had a rubbish few days last week, felt overwhelmed and agitatd but better now.  Im sending you a huge hug and hope that you and your mum and family are surrounded by love and strength. take very good care xxxx 

Thank you so much for you kind words it means a lot I also been struggling the last few days . this time last year we was all happy I was pregnant had my baby Jan/6/16 . Look where we are now July this year my mother had scan turned out there was mass . They said it was on ovary then it turned out to be on bowel. Then they said it was inoperable can't do nothing . My mother was first told she had bowel cancer two years ago. It's a lot to take in . It's so sad hearing how many have lost loved ones on here through cancer. :( take care thanks again x

I know, hearing all these stories makes you realise what a wicked disease cancer is.....but i guess you alo see the courage and kindness in others too.   it can be so hard  It is exhausting and relentless at times,  and there have been times where ive just felt overwhelmed with anxiety and sadness take care of yourself and get lots of lovely baby cuddles from your little boy xxx

Hi gaynor I totally agree what you say . I hope everything ok with you thanks again take care sending you big hugs to you all .x