Together we will beat cancer


Unhappy living with Cancer

14 Dec 2017 05:25

My husband has stage 4 and beyond.  Every time they do radiation it works for 3 or 4 months and then you start the grieving process all over again.  I don’t think anyone in this family including myself is handling well.  His Dr. says to go live and take time to get some happiness in my life but when I do I feel guilty and his family members get mad and gossip and judge and carry on non stop! He’s so sick and they just want drama all the time.  I’ve learned after 22 years of marriage they have never cared about me and just can’t handle the situation. I have chosen to move us closer to my family to get out of all the drama and to have my family and friends to help support us through this.

Re: Unhappy living with Cancer

14 Dec 2017 07:16 in response to dena2017

Oh dear, you can do without hassles at the moment.  Do whatever seems right for you and your husband.  The phrase "life is too short" has great meaning for your situation.  His family members are having their own problems too, I imagine but presumably they love your husband in their own way.   What does he say about the disagreements?  It is so difficult to comment on someone else's family situation but I would just repeat this is about you supporting your husband now.  Best wishes.

Re: Unhappy living with Cancer

14 Dec 2017 14:46 in response to dena2017

Hi Dena... well as someone who knows just what in laws can be like, my heart goes out to you ... my ex in laws came from a posh village, and in their words l lived in a dirty hole of a town ... my husband was in the army, so when we married, thank God we hardly saw them ... my home town wasn't the biggest or the best but it was our family town ... it came to a head and we walked away from them, and never looked back... I was still a teenager then, but now in my 60s we lived in my town when he left the army, and he loved my wonderful family ...

So Dena, you make those memories ... you find the strength to make what time he has, with as much love, hugs, and even laughter ... those memories you make now will live in your heart forever ... I'm so lucky, i adore my daughter in law, and she's seen me through my cancer journey...  so you know what your heart is telling you ... what a shame, they can't hold your hand, and walk it with the two of you .. l know it's hard for them too, but there's no excuse to make this time so sad ...

Sending you and hubby a big caring hug ... Chrissie xx ❤

Re: Unhappy living with Cancer

14 Dec 2017 22:38 in response to dena2017

Hi Dena,

He's your husband and its your life. If he doesn't judge you, why bother if they do? Some people thrive on drama and stress - usually the same people offer no practical help and just get in the way if and when they can be bothered to visit. 

I'm with Lonnie Donegan on this one, "you can't please everyone, so you might as well please yourself". 

I'm sure you're doing the best you can for him, but his doctor is right, you need to get some happiness in your life. Otherwise you'll be rubbish at caring for him because you'll be tired and depressed all the time. 

Best wishes