Together we will beat cancer

Donate

Trying to hold on, but I'm scared.

10 Apr 2018 19:24

Okay, so here’s the story. (I feel like sharing everything because it will probably just help me through the next 12 days.) Here goes: Sunday I felt something new in my left breast. I made an appoint for Monday, and the PA felt the lump I did. A diagnostic mammogram was schedule for the left breast, and regular mammogram was schedule for the right to get it up to date. I have the privilege of having dense breast tissue. Then, an ultra sound was to follow on the left breast. Fast forward to appointment day, today Friday, I had the mammogram on both sides, but was switched to a diagnostic mammogram on the right side was well after the radiologist read the film. I then had an ultrasound on the left and right breast, as there was some areas to inspect on both sides. Then, I got a call later in the afternoon stating the left side was okay, but there was an area of concern on the right side that showed a 1.1cm solid irregular mass that need to be biopsies. That’s were I’m at right now. I’m trying not to freak out, but it’s hard not too. I know the calmer I am the better it will be, and I want to be positive. However, I admit I’m scared. I'm taking each day one step at a time, but it's difficult.

Re: Trying to hold on, but I'm scared.

10 Apr 2018 19:30 in response to kahuku

Normal that you are scared kahuku. Everyone on this site understand this. And taking each day one step at a time is a great strategy. It is what we all try to do. You will get through this. And hey, there is even a chance that what you have is benign. Until you have been formallly diagnosed everything is possible. So hang in there and share as much or as little as you want on this site. But never forget that we are all behind you. xx Harry

Re: Trying to hold on, but I'm scared.

10 Apr 2018 20:35 in response to Harry2

Thank you. Yes, I think that stats are still in favor of something benign. I really hoping that is the case. Thank you for your kinds words and encouragement.

 

Re: Trying to hold on, but I'm scared.

10 Apr 2018 21:21 in response to kahuku

Hiya. 

 

I wanted to stop by as I was diagnosed a month ago with invasive breast cancer and I wanted to tell you that everything you are describing is completely normal and understandable. Its a horrible conveyor belt that you can't get off til the end isn't it? 

There are quite a few of us breast ladies on the forums at the moment and it is an incredibly strong and resilient group who have supported me pre and post diagnosis. My first step of treatment starts Friday when I have my operation to remove 2 areas in my left breast plus sentinel lymph node removal. The plan is for radiotherapy after if my margins and nodes are clear. I hope this isn't too much info for you.

Quite a few lumps come back as benign conditions. But should this not be the case there is a whole group of ladies ready to help carry you through. 

Have you got your biopsy date yet? Please feel free to ask anything. If I don't know there are some more experienced bc ladies on here who may be able to help better than me.

All the very best xx

Re: Trying to hold on, but I'm scared.

10 Apr 2018 22:57 in response to Cornishpastie

Thank you for your kind words. My biopsy date is 4/18. The last four days have been difficult and I have just over a week left until the actual procedure. Then, the waiting to see what they find. I'm hoping the odds are in my favor for this to be a benign condition. I find that my emotions are like a wave. I have ups and downs through out the day. Sleeping has been the most difficult.

I hope to speak with you more as you go through your process.

Re: Trying to hold on, but I'm scared.

10 Apr 2018 23:06 in response to kahuku

One day at a time and you will get through this. It is the most anxious time in my experience plus initial shock at the point of diagnosis. But you do settle into it. Keep me posted on your biopsy x

Re: Trying to hold on, but I'm scared.

11 Apr 2018 00:32 in response to Cornishpastie

 

Hi Kahuku,

A very warm welcome to Cancer Chat.

I am so sorry to hear that you are now waiting another week for a biopsy. Just to give you the heads up - do you realixe that you will probably have another week after that to wait for your results. Do you take someone with you to your appointmnts? It is a good idea to do so if you can. Also it helps to write down a list of quesions before each apointment to ensure that you ask all of the questions that are important to you.

I have had 2 bouts of breast cancer and am happy to answer any questions I can for you.

I hope that all goes well next week and that your results are good news rather than bad.

Cornishpastie is quite right 'one day at a time and you will get through this.'

Do please keep in touch and let us know how you get on. We are always here for you. Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Re: Trying to hold on, but I'm scared.

11 Apr 2018 00:35 in response to kahuku
Hi I found a hard lump in my left breast the size of a grape 3 weeks ago. I was referred to breast clinic on 29th March and have NHS appointment on 12th April. Today I saw the consultant privately as was going out of my mind and it meant I would have longer worh him before the NHS appointment with him in Thursday. He examined me and didn’t say much but found the lump straight away. He said he couldn’t say one way or another of it was Cancer or benign, but that I must have a mammogram, my first ever , I turbed 46 in Jan this year, an ultrasound and biopsy. My Mother was diagnosed with breast cancer 16 years ago when my youngest was 9 weeks old. My Mum had a mastectomy and radiotherapy and tamoxifen. She recovered well and continued fairly healthily until April 2012 ( 10 years on) when she collapsed and was diagnosed with terminal ( secondary) bone cancer . They gave her a few months to a year at best but she lasted 2 years until May 6th 2014. Because of this history and the fact I have been on HRT for a few years due to losing my ovaries and tunes to suspected ovarian cancer which turned out to be benign endometrial cysts, I am of course terrified. My tests are on Thursday this week but then I have to wait 7-10 days for the results. Having nursed my Mum and saw her pass away , its of course affecting my view on my possible outcome. I have 2 daughters age 16 and 27 who really do still need me. I suffer from anxiety and also have an annoying heart condition SVT ( super ventricular tachycardia) which I am meant ti be having an ablation for, but of course this has now taken a back seat to the breast lump. I have a partner who could not be less understanding or sympathetic and I probably shouldn’t still be with him but I can’t think about going it alone with this hanging over me as I have no family support either. I don’t want my daughters to worry, but they are aware there is something wrong. My head is a total mess and to say I am terrified is an understatement. I feel so alone

Re: Trying to hold on, but I'm scared.

11 Apr 2018 02:55 in response to Proudlady1

 

Hi Proud Lady,

A very warm welcome to Cancer Chat.

Like you, I nursed both of my parents, several family members and close friends to cancer. I was absolutely terrified when I was first diagnosed. Mammogram, ultrasound and biopsy seems to be the standard tests for breast cancer. Unfortunately, even after these are over, you will have another wait of about a week before you get your diagnosis.

My Mum survived for 12 years post-diagnoses. Her treatment was the same as your mums. She developed metastases in her liver, lungs, bones and brain in her final year and it was devastating to see how quickly she failed. She died 20 years ago. I have had 2 bouts of breast cancer in the past 8 years. Fortunately, treatment and post-op care seems to have come on leaps and bounds since then thanks to our buddies at Cancer Research, who are constantly working to find better solutions for our treatments. People are now living with cancer instead of dying with it and I intend to live with it for as long as I can.

I am sorry to hear that you do not have much support from your family. Do you have any friends who you might confide in? It makes such a difference to have someone to support you. Once you know your test results you may find it easier to be open with your daughters. They are both old enough to know when something is amiss and will probably feel better knowing what is wrong and being able to talk to you about it. Besides, if this is a familial cancer, they may want to get tested too.

I gave my daughter this option, but she declined, saying that she would prefer to deal with things when or if they cropped up.

Not knowing what the future holds is scary and your emotions will be all over the place just now.

I wish you all the best for Thursday.

Do please let us know how you get on. We are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Re: Trying to hold on, but I'm scared.

11 Apr 2018 10:39 in response to Jolamine
Thank you for your quick response and kind words. Is it normal for me to be feeling every ache , pain , headache and it all seems to be in the left side ( same side as lump ) I am hoping uts due to tension but its really not helping the complete feeling of terror right now .

Re: Trying to hold on, but I'm scared.

11 Apr 2018 14:05 in response to Proudlady1

Completely normal, Proud Lady. I have a scan on the lymph nodes on my groin every three months. And every day I seem to feel something, but now I know it is in my mind and I don't worry any more. xx Harry 

Re: Trying to hold on, but I'm scared.

11 Apr 2018 18:44 in response to Proudlady1

 

Hi Proudlady,

Yes. It is perfectly normal to feel every ache, pain and headache. Harry has described beautifully how he feels. He is not alone. Many of us feel the same.

I hope that your consultant cann put your mind at rest tomorrow.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

 

Re: Trying to hold on, but I'm scared.

11 Apr 2018 18:51 in response to Jolamine

Thank you to you both I do hope so as got a nagging cough and an ‘ ache ‘ in my lungs Sad x

Re: Trying to hold on, but I'm scared.

11 Apr 2018 23:21 in response to Proudlady1

 

Hi Proudlady,

Don't forget to mention all of your symptoms when you see your consultant. Have you drawn up a list of questions for tomorrow? I always draw one up before each appointment.

Do you have anyone who you could bring with you for support? It is also a good idea to have someone with you at all of your consultations if at all possible, especially that you have someone with you next week, when you return for your results. What about your older daughter (or even both of them) if you're stuck? You will find a great load off your mind as soon as you let them know what is bothering you.

If you don't confide in them, you may find that they later resent the fact that you haven't told them. If they know about it and you can all talk about it and fight it together you will find that this will help you all tremendously.

I shall be thinking of you and have everything crossed for tomorrow.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

 

Re: Trying to hold on, but I'm scared.

12 Apr 2018 01:43 in response to Proudlady1

Hi there proud lady ... things really have come along way ... jolomine is a grate example ... so hold on there ... I'm 9 months post mastectomy and like jolomine said there's quite a few of us on here all different grades and treatment but the one thing in common is wer all holding each other up ... so you'll never be alone ...

You said your partner wasn't very supporting ... well my ex hubby was the same ... needless to say that's why he's my ex ... maybe he needs a kick up the bum ... or hopefully he does care , just doesn't know how to show it ... but you have your babies (they are our babies no matter their age)  and I've learned through my cancer journey to share everything with mine ... the initial shock is hard for everyone ... but then you hold each other's hand through this ... and your kids won't thank you for not knowing ... gentle honesty .. even shared my journey with the granddaughter and she's only 6 but because she saw me o.k she was too ... they are stronger then we think ... she was just worried I wouldn't be able to feed babies ... I'm 63

Don't do this alone ... my son and daughter in law was with me every step of the way ... and remember most lumps are o.k , fingers crossed yours will be too ... if you can stop thinking "what ifs" and looking too far ahead , you will cope much better ... and if you talk to your babies it is o.k to share a few tears and both admit your scared ..  then say to yourself "I can do this"  cos if you look around wer all here to support you ... take care Chrissie x