I'm so sorry for your loss cancer always takes the good people it took my wife she was 39 left the boys behind age 9 and2  I have advice not really I understand about watching someone you love deteriorate that will be with me forever here if you want a chat 

Hi,

I lost my mum Nov 2020 so I know how you're feeling.  I'm much older than you but it still hurts me to the core.  Mum deteriorated quickly too.  She was so lovely, caring, kind and selfless and had a big heart full of love for me and our family.  She was good fun, sharp and with an amazing sense of humour too. This is what I keep reminding myself of.

You are allowed to feel as you do but you are young and have so much to look forward to too. One day you may become a parent yourself.  I would suggest making a scrapbook of memories of your mum. Write down things you remember too and your thoughts now - keep adding to it over time.  Visit it regularly for comfort and in many years to come you can share it with people you love, hopefully your own children.

When you are feeling really down try to ask yourself what your mum would have said to you and how she would have comforted and encouraged you. Talk to a bereavement counsellor, it's never too late to ask for help. Look after yourself physically and it will help you mentally- love yourself the way your mum loved you and the way your mum would want you to love yourself. Every night before I try to sleep I find 3 positive things to say about my life, then I tell my mum too and say good night.

Take care and try to find happiness in the here and now and the fact that this difficult situation (pandemic) will pass and we do have a future. Xx