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The waiting

9 Oct 2019 13:41

Hello I just wondered how everyone keeps busy and their mind off things whilst waiting between appointments and for results?

my story is I was getting aches in my right breast almost a month ago now, which progressed to me finding 2 dimples in my right breast and then a large lump.

id seen a gp who referred me to the breast clinic another wait) and when I attended my breast clinic appointment the doctor said she could feel 2 lumps and a large mass, my scans were then rearranged for another week because the scanning department was too full so I attended yesterday for my scans.

i have had an untrasound, then set of mammogram images, biopsy in which they had to take 9 samples and leave 2 metal tags on (which I don't know if this is usual procedure?) I then had to have another mammogram to have pictures of the metal tags.

i am now awaiting my results and I have an appointment for next Wednesday. 
 

I am starting to panic and I am trying to stay busy but I keep breaking down in to random fits of tears. I just feel like an emotional mess.

i am trying to prepare myself for them telling me it's cancer, as even though this won't be confirmed until the results are back I got the impression yesterday from all the tests and asking for extra samples that it is cancerous and I really need to prepare.

just don't know what to do with myself or how I can even prepare for this?

id love to hear advice or hear from others in similar situations please

The waiting

9 Oct 2019 14:19 in response to Louisa.g

Hi,

Sorry to hear you are going through a hard time. 

Just want to say you are not alone. I too have had scans, biopsies and marker clip in 16 days ago. Getting results later today and starting to feel worried. I have no advice other than try and keep busy and remain positive. 

Hope you get good results xx

The waiting

9 Oct 2019 14:34 in response to Louisa.g

Hi, I seem to be keeping busy doing the most mundane things as I'm too distracted to do anything which takes concentration! My results are tomorrow so I've been waiting 10 days which has meant little or no sleep - so as you can imagine I look great Laugh

I too am expecting the worst and have been making a list of questions, when I start feeling overwhelmed by it all I just think I'd rather it was me than my family or friends.

There are so many positive people on here it's really inspirational, it's important to know we're not alone xxx

The waiting

9 Oct 2019 15:58 in response to Flou

The waiting is like a form of torture. I had an excision biopsy of a lymph node 12 days ago. I'd already had a needle biopsy which raised suspicion of Hodgkins lymphoma, it seems unlikely results will be this week now, so it'll have been 8 weeks from my initial referral. I'm so done with it already, my husband keeps telling me to stop being so impatient. I hope your results are soon.

The waiting

10 Oct 2019 13:22 in response to Glasgowgal

It's just awful, I am working from home as I just don't want to be around people at the moment, I have been snappy and moody with my children too which I feel dreadful for. It's just the stress has totally got to me. I'm 35 and never expected to encounter anything like this so young.

 

how did your results go if you don't mind me asking?

The waiting

10 Oct 2019 13:26 in response to Flou

What questions were you going to ask?

the doctor asked me if I had any questions and I just didn't know what to say. I just can't even get the words together to talk about it.

let me know how your results go. 
 

im wishing everyone good luck, I hope it turns out to be something benign for all of us 

 

 

The waiting

10 Oct 2019 14:00 in response to Louisa.g

Hi, yes here's hoping for us all - did you get your results yet? Regarding the questions I've added the link below, it just helped me think as my mind is all over the place!! 

Just an hour to go until my appointment and I feeling quite sick about it...

https://breastcancernow.org/information-support/facing-breast-cancer/diagnosed-breast-cancer/diagnosis/questions-you-may-want-0
 

The waiting

10 Oct 2019 15:51 in response to Louisa.g

Hi Louisa.g,

Unfortunately, my results confirmed cancer. Now waiting for MRI to check further. Lumpectomy, radiotherapy, tamoxifen for 5 years. Hopefully no chemo, but that will depend on MRI.  Still in shock, got 2 kids (13 & 10) and due to remarry in March, so looks like wedding will be off.

I'm praying you get better results than me and try to remain positive.

Let me know how you get on. Sending you lots of hugs xx  

The waiting

10 Oct 2019 15:53 in response to Flou

Hi Flou,

 

Praying you get good results today x

The waiting

10 Oct 2019 16:38 in response to Flou

Thank you flou,

I have just spent some time reading through all of that it's very informative and I feel a bit more 'in the know' now about things. Not sure if that's a good thing because fear and anxiety is really kicking in but it's definitely important to know.

i don't get my results until next week on Wednesday and of course the days are dragging and it's difficult to put to the back of your mind and do other things.

i feel like If I prepare my self for the worst then maybe I will handle the results better. But at the same time I feel like I'm going mad convincing myself it's spread as I've come down with a cough today, which shouldn't be unusual as my children have all had colds and my youngest has a cough but of course I'm over thinking things. I've also got back ache.

i do a lot of crafting so really want to just absorb myself in that to take my mind off things but finding I've lost my mojo completely even for Christmas themed sewing which I usually get excited for I just feel deflated.

Keeping my fingers crossed for you and your results today xx

 

The waiting

10 Oct 2019 16:59 in response to Glasgowgal

Glasgowgal oh I'm so sorry,

did they give you results of type and staging at this point so you know what your up against at least?

you could still go ahead with the wedding, I'm sure your fiancé and children will be super supportive of you and help you along the way to make your day special.

try to stay positive, I'm new to this myself but I've heard More positive outcome stories than negative.

sending you my love xxx

The waiting

10 Oct 2019 17:15 in response to Louisa.g

Yes, its only 6mm is size so couldn't be felt. Found by pure chance so actually feel very lucky. I had gone to see about another lump, which was just a cyst and was drained. They picked up on it under ultrasound. Didn't show up on mammogram as so small. It is a oestrogen receptor type of cancer hence why tamoxifen at end of treatment for 5 years. Need to wait on MRI to see if in lymph node etc. Getting a call tomorrow with an appointment slot for it. Praying I dont need chemo, but will just go with what specialist team advise. I have to say they were all so lovely. Feel I am over the initial shock so will work from home tomorrow until I get the call re MRI, dont want to take it in work and have everyone fussing as that will just start me crying again and then I will head into work. Trying to keep everything as normal and as positive as possible.

Here's hoping you dont need to worry about all this,  but I know easier said than done. Waiting is the hardest part x 

 

 

The waiting

10 Oct 2019 18:10 in response to Glasgowgal

Oh that does sound really positive and treatable. 
 

ive kept my manager updated with all my appointment details etc so in effect my work already know so I don't need to go through that awkward discussion. i just need to update her along the way. Work are very supportive and flexible so I'm lucky for that.

 

I don't think I've caught mine very early, I have 2 lumps, the one I can feel it's really big, you can grab it with your two fingers and takes up a big chunk of my breast, I only have very small breast so it's weird, I didn't feel it at all for what must have been a long time, it seems to fall back into my chest, and I first discovered it by leaning forwards when I was inspecting dimples and pain I was getting. I cannot find the second, this was discovered by doctors.

I tend to neglect looking after myself a lot because my children consume so much of my time. I'm a lone parent to three children, my youngest is a very active and cheeky toddler, my middle has autism so has so many extra needs and my eldest is 10 and starting that pre teen stage where moodyness and hormones take over so my hands are always completely full, all day and all night, and I work too. All this just fuels my anxiety because I don't even have the option of taking a sick day for a cold never mind something more serious. it is what it is I guess.

I wish you all the best in your treatment and recovery, at least now you can make a plan and it seems to be pretty straight forward for you. Keep moving forwards.

lots of love xx


 

The waiting

10 Oct 2019 18:30 in response to Louisa.g

Try not to worry too much as the lumps ... 2 on each side I could feel were cysts and all ok, 1 was fluid filled and drained. It was the one I couldn't feel that was cancerous. I had a biopsy 9 years ago and it was all clear so fingers crossed for you. 

I know you will be worrying more especially if you are a single mum. I have been there and working full time, you really dont have a minute..... luxury for me was ironing at 10pm at night and being able to watch tv in peace! My son, 10 is on waiting list for autism assessment so I know how hard it must be for you and that is a whole new worry.

Once kids are in bed try to take a little time to switch off and relax and try to keep positive.

Let me know how your results go next week. Sending you big hugs xx

The waiting

10 Oct 2019 19:17 in response to Glasgowgal

Oh that is such a long wait (ASD diagnosis) how long has he been on the waiting list for? Ideally you need a diagnosis before high school or they can be really rubbish with meeting the child's needs and dismiss it.

i was lucky with the whole diagnosis for my boy because he very much ticks all the boxes (which makes it easy for doctors to diagnose) and has done from a young age. We was fast tracked as an urgent diagnosis and in all it took about 6 months for the actual ASD diagnosis. There was a year before this doing blood tests and such to rule other things out. He was fast tracked mainly because he is very violent and violent at school so it's seen as urgent. He became self aware last year though so has gradually been taught an understanding of ASD and now he understands it and he's just developed so much in the last year and has now started to manage his own meltdowns and sensory triggers which is amazing. I'm so proud of him.

 

I don't think my lumps are cyst or I wouldn't have had the biopsy? I haven't had cancer confirmed but I'm very receptive of people like I feel emotions and moods from people and I felt a bit of an atmosphere at my biopsy, and just by the doctor saying 'oh I want to take more samples of this one' and just expressions, looks between the doctor and nurse and worrying moods in the room, like the nurse came and hugged me and held my hand. I just knew there and then. I probably sound really negative, but I'm trying to be positive in preparing for Wednesday. If I think the worst then it will be less of a blow.

 

i just need to know the details so I can plan or prepare, the not knowing is the worst thing it's driving me crazy.

 

I don't have any swelling in my armpit though or lumps in that area, so that's a good sign I guess . I do have pain and numbness in my arm and hand though, I've had that for a few weeks now and doctors are aware.

 

just have to wait an see.

 

when you get your phone call tomorrow you can start a plan for your recovery too and at least you will know what steps you then have to take.

xx