The pain of losing my mum will never get "easier".

I lost my mum when I had just turned 15 back in 2016 and I still miss her just as much as I did the moment I watched her die. I hate being alone because all I think about is her and any kind of emotion makes me want her back so bad. I f I am happy I want her here to be happy with me, and if I am sad I need my mum. I feel as if the trauma of losing my mum so unexpectedly has caused me to always feel like a vaunerable 15 year old girl, confused, scared and a complete and utter child. I feel like I will always feel like that 15 year old girl holding her mum in her arms and It upsets me so much. I will never be able to 'move on' or forget that part of my life. It doesnt get easier, im many ways I feel as if it gets harder. The people around you stop talking about her and the sound of her voice begings to vanish from your head. It is scary to think that you could forget the small things about someone you loved and want to hold onto so bad. I am scared about every big life event, graduation, marrige, babies because it all brings up that sadness and loss. It all brings me back to being 15 and makes me feel as if i shouldnt move on, If i do then i forget her even more and thats something I never want to happen. 

  • Missy,

    I am so sorry for your loss. You are right, it does not go away but it will subside at times. I am a lot older than you and lost my Dad seven years ago. I go through periods of deep grieving that are almost unbearable and then it subsides and I am able to carry on. I find that talking to him helps, actually speaking things out loud. I know that sounds crazy but it does comfort me. My mom has lived with me since his passing and I dread the day that she will not be here anymore.  I'll pray for you.  I hope you are able to find peace, your mom would want that for you.

    Laura xx