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Terminal and fighting

13 Jul 2019 10:29

Hi, I am Jenny, 

suffered with back pain for 3 months, eventually get x Ray told wear and tear go home and live with it. Only by chance had appointment with consultant to replace knee joint, explained could not have op as pain too severe in back, he arranged MRIscan within  48 hours. Had scan collapsed over chair taken to A and E, 5 hours later told I had camce r in spine but it had to be coming from somewhere else. Taken to ward, 3hours later told I had terminal cancer, and only palliative care would be given. I was all on my own. I was totally terrified. Thought I would be dead by Christmas. Told hospital staff not to tell my son, as I would do it when I got home. This was Friday had biopsy Tuesday 3pm, sent home 9pm. Told son, it was the most heart wrenching thing I have ever done, he is only 24, he just hit the floor, I knew I could not cry that I had to stay strong. As I had no symptoms apart from back, thought they must have this wrong, but within 10 days ringing 999, I realized I was ill. I was now given the news I would be put on immunotherapy. I have been having treatment since October every 3weeks, I am still here, still have no symptoms only pain in back, have reduced morphine down to 40mg per day, trying hard to stay positive, not always easy, would like to hear from anyone going through anything similar would just like someone to chat to. I do not know when things will turn and do not want to be given any timescale, it is so scary just knowing you may not have long, but hopefully I still have a long way to go yet, positive thinking. Hope someone replies. Love Jenny

Terminal and fighting

13 Jul 2019 11:04 in response to Saiyanandcookie

Hi jenny, I'm not same as you (male,) as well as being non curable i know it'll get me sooner or later mines in prostate, lymph nodes, spine, ribs and pelvis and one lung I've had it over 3 years now like you i know it's not nice living with it, but we've not much choice, it's possible there are others (terminal) on the forum oh and welcome to the club nobody wants to join, if nobody else joins your welcome to talk to me (if you want to) have a good look around you could find others, some people stay on the one string others go all over the place to look around,. Whatever happens they'll be someone to talk to on here,. Best wishes.

Billy 

Terminal and fighting

13 Jul 2019 15:10 in response to Saiyanandcookie

Hi jenny,

I am sorry to hear about your diagnosis but glad you are responding well to treatment. 

Do you know what type of cancer it is (beyond that it is in your spine) and what type of immunotherapy you are receiving?

All the best 

Terminal and fighting

13 Jul 2019 15:24 in response to Kajena

Hi there

Nice to hear from you, my cancer is stage 4, in my left lung and liver. The treatment I am on is Keytruda. No I cannot be cured only have my life prolonged, I do.not want to know what the prognosis is. Made a friend in hospital who was told in January she had 4 months to live, met her in April and she was.in bad way, thinking about death. So I do.not want to.know, I just live day by day trying to keep fit eating healthily, and enjoying my son,. Jen x

Terminal and fighting

13 Jul 2019 15:31 in response to Billygoat

Hi Billy

Thanks for replying. You are dead right it will get us sooner or latet, so we just have to go on living best we can. I was told in beginning if they can get me through the 2 years of treatment, I should live a good few years after, do not know if true.or not but been going 9 months now and I feel fine. Hope you keep doing fine too. Jen x

Terminal and fighting

13 Jul 2019 15:48 in response to Saiyanandcookie

Hi jen I'm stage 4, did specialist say terminal you sound more non curable same as me, i was given 5 years specialist said I'd need more cemo before first year was up I've not had any more yet, they don't always get it right also they are always causous of saying wrong things so you only get half truths I'm like you i feel fine apart from getting older and more aches and pains, good 1 for you i started getting bad pains in both legs went to GP straight away he said its my C, i saw specialist couple of weeks later told him about it he said straight away it's not C it's treatment I'm on, that was a big relief, it just shows don't always trust your doctor, best wishes,

Billy 

Terminal and fighting

13 Jul 2019 16:56 in response to Saiyanandcookie

Hi there 

Thanks for responding. 

I understand it is not curable but as you said you may have many more years due to the treatment (which I hope very much). And it is good that you feel fine Happy

 

Terminal and fighting

13 Jul 2019 20:18 in response to Saiyanandcookie

Hi Jenny - you did the right thing posting here - lots of people understand what you're going thro'. The reason I'm responding is just to let you know that my cousin's son was diagnosed with terminal cancer over 4 years ago. He's still with us thank goodness & battling on. He never gives up despite some setbacks is living a life with his partner & teenage son. They want on holiday to Italy not long ago & enjoyed themselves. 

I just wanted to share a positive story with you & to wish you all success in your journey. Love to you xx

Terminal and fighting

14 Jul 2019 18:51 in response to Saiyanandcookie

Good luck with the future and keep fighting we can win, if you want to keep in touch i or you can do a friend req if you want to,, and don't forget keep fighting. Best wishes. 

Billy 

Terminal and fighting

18 Jul 2019 02:20 in response to Saiyanandcookie

Hi Jenny well here I am if ever you need to chat I am Marj. In 2012 I was diagnosed with lung cancer, I had not been experiencing any symptoms. It was only have knocked something in the back of my throat. Me being me kept coughing up blood for days days turned Into weeks, weeks tuned into months. Only 2 and a half  months. I got so sick of coughing up blood I went to see a out of hours doctor. I had gone Coventry to see my friend she needed out of hours doctor due to her asthma. While I was there I thought perhaps a doctor could put s couple of stitches in the back of my throat only when I told him how long it had been going on. He asked if I suspected anything. Truthfully I said no I had no need I haven’t got a chest infection or sinus one either. I said now you disagree with me if you can. Firstly having left it so long was because we all know unless I was going to sit there with my mouth open all day so the air could get to it to help it heal, we all know it takes a lot longer a internal but takes 3 times as long to heal, with myself coughing as it starting to heal I keep opening the cut up. He did agree it could very much be the case. But in examination he said he. Believed I was suffering from pneumonia of the right lung and wanted me to go university hospital of Coventry, I went he gave me a letter to take with me. I was seen almost straight away who this female doctor confirmed pneumonia. Then she went to get her consultant who I could not understand at all, they put me in a bay next minute s porter cane took me for a X-ray 10 mins went back came the portor to take me for another X-ray, it happened one more time so I had 3 xrays in all for this doctor who I could not understand so one of his registrars spoke for him apparently I had got a chest infection and needed antibiotics. They went off and brought me some penicillin. To which I asked if they where trying to kill me, and why ask so many questions if they where not prepared to take notice. It was in big letters on the front of my notes allergy penicillin anaphylactic shock syndrome. Just a standard question that’s asked when you go into hospital. I had a anaphylactic shock one time with penicillin so it’s highlighted with a red marker going through the answer. So I was told they would prescribe something else almost a hour later I was still their when I saw the doctor who I couldn’t understand, he did ask what I was still doing there. I actually managed to get that but told him still waiting for antibiotics, he said no you can go but do you have a number we can get you on someone else was talking to me because of me not fully understanding what he was saying, I gave my mobile number only to be told I would get a phone call within 48 hours because I needed a urgent CAT scan. Honest to god by Now I looked at my friend Zoe, I burst out laughing. Everyone was asking me what was a matter which made me laugh even more to a point I was laughing tears. No one had a bloody clue but my mate Zoe got it straight the way. I just said between laughing I am going then bye. When I eventually stopped laughing I said to Zoe what is this place. Here I was wanting a couple of stitches next minute I have pneumonia, for a registrar to agree then along comes a senior consultant, who I barley could understand I caught the odd few words. Had 3 xrays told I had a chest infection, give me penicillin, then suddenly told I didn’t really need them so you can go but to be asked for my mobile number because I need a urgent CT scan, I skied Zoe where in gods name had i landed. Everything that night was a comedy of errors.  Anyhow on my return back to Leicestershire I went to see my GP to get stitches in my throat first thing he did was to look in my throat yet he couldn’t see anything to say where the blood was coming from. He decided to make me a urgent appointment with the lung clinic I told him about my experience at Coventry, I also told him I thought I had landed on another planet. With the weird experience I had, had in Coventry. He said it sounds like they didn’t have a clue. Anyhow he told me this emergency appointment mean I would have a appointment within two weeks. 3 days later I got a phone call could I get to the hospital nest day, I said yes. On meeting the doctor he asked me a few but felt like a million questions. One he asked me was had anyone in the family  had king cancer this by the way was end of September. I said well it’s weird you should ask me that because if you would have asked me this question 6 months ago I could have said with 100% honesty no one even from generation ago no. However on the 1st of May this year my younger brother was brought in with what they thought was heart problems he was brought to this hospital because his organs was closing down they had no time for sedation they went straight in putting a chest drain in and told him a few other things, following further test my brother was diagnosed with stage 4 terminal cancer, he asked me again to clarify it was that hospital I said yes, I was sent for  aCt Scan only to be called before my appointment that was scheduled for the following week I went alone, I was not worried. I knew the minute they kept asking me if I was alone and I said yes, this nurse made a big issue that I wa alone. I just said whatever it s just spit it out, so she put up the scan telling me a pet scan was being arranged for Friday because you have cancer of both lungs. I literally said never mind these things happen in life. They asked me to se Macmillan who expected me to sit and talk about things for a hour or so, after 19 mins I got up and said is that it then I need to go shopping. Anyhow I went shopping went home told my husband etc went and had pet scan biopsy’s etc had my left lung removed told in remission a few months later. Meanwhile my younger brother passed away on the 12 of May 2013 September 2013 following a scan told I am terminal with a prognosis of 6/8 moths with palliative chemo 3/4 without. I had two sessions of the palliative Chemo for only the Chemo to almost kill me. I pulled through that only here I am 6 years later with everyone confused to why I am still alive. I am lucky enough to have one of the worlds leading cancer researchers as my oncologist. Who asked me if he could use my case and would I give extra bloods and biopsy’s for cancer research I agreed and baffled everyone because I genuinely should not be here. None of the researchers know why. So hopefully they will find something in my blood also I am in a PEACE TRIAL it’s just letting cancer research take any part of my organs when I die to help them find out why I have lived a lot longer than I should and they are hoping to find out to see if it can be replicated to give other people a longer life. I have had the immunotherapy started that back in May 2018 I had the new once that was released the week I went to see my oncologist, he had just got the go ahead the day before I saw him. I ended up pulling out after 7 months the side effects where really bad. Everything Chemo 2 different types immunotherapy none of it agrees with me. I do have major side effects. Although the immunotherapy did shrink it somewhat my diagnosis wasn’t changed as such but last September one of my daughters cane with me she’s a emergency transplant nurse. She couldn’t come with me before because she lived in Glasgow she moved to Yorkshire near my other daughter last year, she at Sheffield. So it’s only a hour away to the part of Leicestershire I live. He explained Everything to my daughter. He said your mum is technically terminal. Yet she’s palliative with metastatic primory lung cancer. It’s flowing through my body because it’s in the blood. She asked him why he couldn’t take the terminal away, he tried to explain because I had gone way beyond all expectations he showed her the scan from back in 2013 all the small tumours that had come along since I had my left lung removed. He was honest with my daughter told her the reason terminal stays because if my scans ever show as it was in 2013 he couldn’t change my prognosis. Just because for some reason my body decides  to react differently than the statistics say doesn’t mean it would happen again. So that’s where I am today still alive 6 years later. I am here if you want to chat, but I will warn you I have s weird sense of humour hence the laughing when that bizarre night happened at Coventry. I genuinely at that time apart from giving birth ectopic pregnancy I hadn’t had much experience with hospitals but Coventry was something out of this world. So so strange place to go, oops you maybe from Coventry area if so I do not envy you st all with such bizarre doctors, well it was in A&E I met them lol Marj 

Terminal and fighting

18 Jul 2019 02:29 in response to Saiyanandcookie

Hi Jenny I have just sent you a message, but I must have accidentally clicked the wrong button because it said it’s a reply to Saiyanandcookie. So please accept my apologies and if you don’t mind look it under that one it went too. I am never sure if it’s to do with some treatments I have had that make me accident prone click on wrong button or what. I just noticed over the last few years my short term memory is not any good I have become accident prone and always making silly  mistakes or stupid can’t work out which some days Marj 

Terminal and fighting

18 Jul 2019 02:36 in response to Saiyanandcookie

Hi Jenny I doubly made sure that the last message I replayed to you to say it had gone to saiynanandcookie. I do not believe it that went to theirs again I can only assume I am more bloody affected by some of the treatments or there something wrong with the reply’s to you. I personally think it’s me again. Mind you just seen the time that’s not helping anyhow can you let me know if eventually you did read my messages Marj 

Terminal and fighting

18 Jul 2019 08:21 in response to marj58

Dear Marj, Just read your post, have not got a clue why I never saw it before. Technology and me do not mix well together. You did make me laugh about Covsntry,. I live in Heysham so my hospital in Lancaster. Believe you won through this bloody cancer with your positive attitude, don't know if you ever went through the depression etc, I went through it at beginning, up early hours keeping in touch with the death gremlins, as I called them. I was very like you, told I was 1 in thousands that do not have symptoms. I had problems with back, but just could not get to see a GP, sent for Xray, then saw UP should be arthritis in spine, go home and live with it, I asked could I have physio and a also a blood test to check everything. 13 week wait physio even 3 week wait for bloods to be taken. I was in so much pain took myself off to AandE, doctor pressed back, I said "Oh love don't press there" was given lecture he was a 43year old man, a doctor, and how dare I call him love, his title is doctor and that it what I must call him (pompous ass). Sent me home with bottle of oromorph, and told arthritis. 2 and half weeks later had appointment with orthopaedic consultant 're knee replacement, told him could not have no as in so much pain in back. He arranged MRI scan within 48 hours. Had scan, to this day could not tell you the man who buttoned up my blouse, crawled out of scam to collar over chair in corridor, some nice lady found me , ran for nurse, who got me to A&E. I had the sweetest Arabic lady doctor look after me, was given morphine sent for cat scan, then left in corridor. I pleaded to be let home, but she would have none of it, at this time the same pompous ass was on duty, very strange he could not lift his head and look me in eye. My orthopaedic consultant was called, he took me in a room told me I had cancer in spine but it must be coming from somewhere else. He was very kind, but left me on my own. What a bombshell. 10mins later got telephone call from GO said "I have been told to ring you 're blood results, do not know who you are or what your problem is" I am afraid I told him to F off just been diagnosed with cancer and put phone down. The biopsy, asked did I mind this young doctor assisting, not at all. Told did very few liver biopsies, and never done one with patient in sitting pisition. The young doctor did not assist but did the biopsy, only shouted out once,she did good job. I was then sent home. Worse thing ever, having to tell my 24 year old son, he collapsed you can imagine just the two of us, he wanted to know what stage and how long I had. Could not tell him I was terminal, just that I had lung,, liver and cancer in spine - he has picked himself up and has been a real good lad since. Only mistake we made, my son only child, must have thought I would die soon and asked if his Dad could come home, only if he would change. Yes he came, big, big mistake. No use whatsoever, will not take on board my cancer, does not have conversation with us, he just does not of shopping, that is what he calls looking after me. I still do washing, ironing, cleaning, cooking and shopping, winge about it all the time, but think it keeps me going. Now had 11 cycles on this immunotherapy which was only accepted by NHS in Sept 2018, I was given in October, had no side effects, still do not have any other symptoms other than back pain. McMillan came to see me beginning, told them never ever mention death, which she did not, telephoned me back in Feb. Said I was doing so well, had decreased morphine down to small dose, that they were going to sign me off their books. So another.positive. As my onc consultant says, you keep getting all these other problems but still keep smiling. Let's hope I can do as well as you and can be as positive as you. Would love to hear from you again, just to have another laugh. Love Jenx

Terminal and fighting

19 Jul 2019 19:16 in response to Saiyanandcookie

Hi Jenny, nice to hear back from you. I actually tried yesterday to reply. Along with a lot of things going off around me. I was sad to read your story especially with you being alone like myself when you get told such bad news. I honestly did not expect anything like cancer st all. Just like you too. I can certainly relate with it, also I can with your sons reaction. It doesn’t matter how old they are. The fear they feel, you just still want to protect them. I if I had have split and asked if their dad come back would have given into mine. When I was told I didn’t cry  or anything but I felt my entire body the blood ran cold. I will never forget that feeling.. I just sort of shook my head to try and make me feel normal. Anyhow I got myself back together they wanted me to see Macmillan. I only saw her for 10mins. I just said got to go I need to do some shopping. I them walked out. I am a type of person that need some time alone to take things in. I am just a deep thinker. There’s a Costa caffe in the hospital. I went in there got myself a coffee. I sat for a couple of hours ignoring my phone thinking. Now I couldn’t say what was going around my head now. I remember being resigned to the fact when I left that there was no cure for lung cancer. They had already made me a appointment for me in fact they had made two one to have a pet scan two days later, another one to have a biopsy. The following week. So I had the pet scan Friday, Monday the biopsy and then I was told on the Monday I had a appointment with carditherasics on Wednesday. I went shopping. Still ignoring my phone I just at the time didn’t want to talk to anyone. I knew the minute I got home I had to obviously tell my husband. Who by the way is similar to your ex, about as useful as a ashtray on a motorbike. Total wast of space. On the Wednesday when I saw carditherasics he said to me what are you doing on Monday I said nothing. Oh my husband did come with me, he said to me well you are now your coming in here and I am taking your left upper lobe part of the lung out, he was blunt and straight to the point. Which is the kind of person I like. He told me, I would be in about 10 days, I just said no way was I stopping in hospital that length of time, I don’t do hospitals. He laughed and said well you prove me wrong and let’s see if you get out early. He told me it could be done but very few do. I burst out laughing and told him I was out of hospital the day after I had been rushed to theatre with a ectopic pregnancy. I told him I was out the day after I had a hysterectomy. He did seem a bit shocked by that. We both had a laugh because he had seen my phone, and he said joe come you have the new iPhone before me, I told him I preordered it, then he went on about iPads etc we had a longer conversation about gadgets than my op. He actually was a brilliant guy who made you feel comfortable with his plans. So the Monday came around and I was told all the ins and out of the operation. I genuinely did not know i would be put on bypass. I really didn’t know what to expect. So yes a couple of things I was a bit taken back with. Then they mentioned morphine as a pain killer. Wow I told him no way was I going to have morphine, I had it once by injection after a op omg never again it made me so ill, I totally refused anymore. So they said they would give me a epidural. I said ok I will have that then or pethadine they said pethadine wasn’t strong enough I tried to tell them I would be fine with it. But no everyone thinks they know better, I did end up conceding to epidural. All this is the boring bit so I will cut it short, had the op on Tuesday as planned went home Saturday morning. Oh I will tell you this bit, I am a coffee addict so when they took me back to the ward, I knew the next floor down was where costas was, because I didn’t have any morphine I felt pretty ok in general. Other people where laying in the beds moaning etc someone said to me hoe come your wide awake and looking normal that is when I said I got more sense than you lot, I refuse morphine. It was w bloke he said really I said really, I was supposed to have physiotherapy you know because your breathing become different, it really didn’t feel much different to me, so I waited until no one was looking. I had two drains and other stufff so I had two of those poles you see people dragging around in hospitals. Well I had one in each hand and I set off to costas. Wow had I underestimated the length of this corridor or what you can bet your life I did, plus I hadn’t gone that far before I realised how different my breathing was, so me being me desperately needing a coffee just carried on, by the time I had got half way, I looked back looked forward didn’t know which way to go, by now I am sat in the middle of this corridor, with a pole in each hand thinking ****, I am stuck. This doctor started to walk towards me when he got to me he asked if I needed help, I said no thank you just having a rest, I felt like one of those naughty school girls. After I got my breath I knew whichever way I went I would have to do it in small steps and keep stopping because of my breathing. So they’re I sat thinking to myself that will teach you, you dozzy cow. Talking about myself. In the end the coffee won, if I set again. Did it slowly eventually I got to the lift, by then I am feeling half dead but euphoric at the same time, I got in the lift saying here I come. I knew costas was not far from the lift itself, yippee I had made it. I reckon that was the he most exiting day of my life at that point. I ended up sitting and sitting and sitting there for a few hours just dreading that journey back. Eventually I had to try it do I thought here goes, I started me journey it was like climbing a mountain. Although I had to keep stopping it was a little easier than getting there. Whether that’s because I had got there, I was getting used to my lung and breathing was different or what, it still took me ages stop starting etc, when I got back a nurse said she had been looking for me, I asked why, all she said she noticed I was out of bed and wondered if I was ok and where I had gone. I told her I said been costas she looked at me to say as if, then I said what’s that cup on the table near my bed, she looked and shouted someone she’s telling this staff nurse, oh my dear she been to costas the staff nurse said she could not have possibly have been there and back then she pointed at my cup, which was a full one I had brought back with me, her jaw just dropped, I told her to close her gob before she caught flies, with that, I had done it once so that was me up and rolling. More coffee when I needed or wanted it. Look at me straight in there with no proper introduction or anything. Well you know the shortened version of my first name, which I hate with a vengeance being the eldest girl I got stuck with my mothers name of Marjorie, god what a name, so you can see it’s Marj I am one of 7 children the second eldest of 3 boys and 4 girls. Like yourself I am a northerner born and bred in Yorkshire, my mother’s didr of the family where Lancastrian like yourself my fathers is the Yorkshire side. I am now 61 and was 54 when I first found out I had cancer, about 6 months prior to me being diagnosed one of my brother 4 years younger than myself was rushed into the heart unit  with his organs starting to close down, he literally had got back of a 2 week holiday which he felt ill every single day, him and his wife decided to go on a cruise that year, he didn’t eat drink or anything. He had been doctors a few times with this pain, first they said it’s where he was a HGV driver it was a strained muscle. Then he went again told he had a chest infection. Now he was a typical male only went doctors once in a blue moon. Yet that year and a half he had to keep going about this pain he didn’t smoke or anything. On the Friday before he went in his holiday he went doctors and given a course of antibiotics to take with him but the doctor was fairly certain he had a pulled muscle again, he arrived back in uk he flew from Madura back that’s where they spent the last day to be flown back from their, the cruise was continuing on to other countries. I got a Facebook message from a niece asking me to phone her mum ASAP because of uncle phill she said, so I phoned my sister and was told he had been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer, I was in shock because we knew of no members on either side who had every had cancer, when they got him into the hospital his heart was surrounded by over 2 litres of water, it was that why his body started to close down no time for any anesthetiser they cut straight into his lungs in 3 places to drain fluid off ASAP if they stood any chance of saving him. Well they did save him more luck and the sped of he said a little doctor who needed some steps to teach his heart whatever water they where draining it was coming back, after further CT scan and further tests as to why the fluid kept building up, it was during them that they found his left lungs cancerous, it was spreading to his right lung, into his liver kidneys. Also in his shoulder and at the the base of his brain, they told him he didn’t really stand much of a chance. The doctor gave him a max of 12 months, he did say having said that it could be 2/3 or up to 12...... when he was strong enough he would start chemotherapy. That happens a lot apparently. He started chemo for a little while then ****** me I was told I had it on the 28 of September I was diagnosed. The Dr was my brothers oncologist as well as mine, he did say it was pretty unusual treating brother and sister at the same      Jenny would you mind terribly if I finished this tomorrow I have started to fall asleep with no warning this just comes on. I then totally lose control I will explain further tomorrow if that’s ok with yourself

Love Marj xxx

Edited on Fri, 19/07/2019 - 19:38 by marj58, Names of hospital and Dr removed in line with forum T&C

Terminal and fighting

20 Jul 2019 01:23 in response to marj58

Hi Jenny I must apologise for earlier, I know something is going wrong again. In January I had a chest infection. Nothing new now days, it turned to pneumonia as I was starting to get over that I then got pleurisy, that finally was coming to a end and I got pneumonia again. It was from jan until the end of May. I saw my oncologist and had s result of a scan, by now I had got over all the chest problems. About 5/6 weeks ago I woke up feeling absolutely horrendous. It felt like I was running a high fever. I don’t go doctors when I feel ill, I haven’t done since the blasted cancer. Once they told me I was terminal I go even less, I know in reality they are very limited to what the can do. Cutting a long story short I did end up going just over 2 weeks ago I told my GP how I felt like I was running a sever temperature. He knows I see my oncologist in apox 8 weeks now. It’s literally been the longest gap in almost 2 years I had to see him every nine weeks and be scand every 9 weeks. Last time I saw him he was happy that despite all the tumours I have the 7 sessions of immunotherapy had shrunk quite a lot. They didn’t carry on shrinking like they could because Chemo and things like immunotherapy can continue to work up to a year after you have stopped the drugs, in my case it more or less stopped working by killing any more off. However it was keeping it stable. I am under no illusions that everything with myself can change in a heartbeat. It can suddenly take off and go so quickly. It could be dead within a couple of weeks. Just as it can stay the way it is or was when I had my last scan stay stable for another 6/12 months. As god is my witness I am such a unknown to them. They really are in a quandary. They know it’s something in my own immun system.so all the blood I donate to cancer research with some being sent to 3 other countries as well as some stays in England America, Canada, Germany. Uk arevall doing different things with my bloods.  I didn’t tell you, about how my two youngest children. Reacted to me having to tell them my cancer was terminal. My youngest who was she was 19 at the time,she screamed and ran off shouting no no no my youngest son he went very quiet, he’s like me needs to think things through. My daughter came back into the room she would not talk to me. She just kept saying dad tell me you’re lying he said he couldn’t. For good half hour she kept calling her dad a lier, don’t know why her anger was directed at him. Will she talk about it still no, she’s become a mother since she expecting another one he’s due any day now,my granddaughter she’s two in August. I have 5 children altogether, 3 from my first husband. He was killed in a car crash 16 days after his 32nd birthday. 18 days after my 29th and the day after one of my daughters 6th.on the day I had his funeral we should have been moving back to Cambridge, so all Bon all I have had things a bit **** to say the least. When I suddenly cut of when taking about my brother we had, quite a bad childhood. Yet I keep on laughing. I don’t know if you’ve noticed I start to tell you something then I get side tracked. I was telling you I know something is not right. I have oxygen at home anyhow I can be just sat there watching Tv or reading next minute I am almost asleep I do not get any warning it just happens. Done days no one can wake me no matter how hard they try. When I went to see GP first thing he always says is why didn’t you call me out, I say although a lot of time I am confined to my bed, or can’t walk far as long as I can keep coming I will, although my gp is only 5 mins away it can take me a good 45 mins to get ready, then other times I am not quite as bad. My gp always always says well you know it’s  Likly to be the cancer. Yes I do I asked him to run a blood test I suppose hoping it’s my bloods I know deep down it’s not. I always have a scheduled appointment and I always have a open appointment my  GP said I really think you should be using yourvspen appointment. I will write in a day or so, do however remind me to tell you the story of the magic bandana. Also the time I fell asleep having a pee. Honestly. My journey as been full of funny stories that have you almost wetting yourself with laughter. I was going to say tears, I would not be lying yet the tears have never come from me. Now then that’s another story. I will tell you one of them next time a funny one thst is. Be ready and empty your bladder first because I have laughed so much I thought I was going to per me pants a few times lol

live Marj xxx