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Struggling to stay strong.

7 Nov 2017 00:59

hello there. I’m 21 years old and 100% a daddy’s girl but in April my dad was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer. A 2mm tumour has started to grow next to him shoulder bone and according to scans the 2 cycles of chemo have managed to stop the growth. He has had a blast of radium to the shoulder to make sure r doesn’t spread. But after being told my dad has 1 year to live, I feel like everyday is a countdown. I cry myself to sleep every night and In the mornings sometimes I can’t bare to look at him without getting upset. Keeping it bottled in is starting to show. I feel constantly angry all the time and emotially distressed. I know he hasn’t got much time left but for me being this upset and having constant arguments over petty little things isn’t helping matters. He knows deep down I’m not coping but I don’t know what to do. I can’t go on like this for his sake or for mine.

Re: Struggling to stay strong.

7 Nov 2017 10:51 in response to Yvette95

So sorry, Yvette. May I ask how the other family members are coping? Nothing wrong with showing that you are emotionally distressed. It's normal. What you are going through is awful. My only advice is that you can at least take advantage of the fact that your Dad's terminal diagnosis is out in the open. So maybe, if he is prepared to talk about it, you can find out how he would like best to spend his time, and make him as comfortable as possible. But maybe he doesn't want to talk about it. It's all very difficult and sad. xx Harry

Re: Struggling to stay strong.

7 Nov 2017 14:05 in response to Yvette95

Hi there ... so sorry to hear how heartbroken you feel ... it is one of the hardest things in life we have to go through .... all I can say to you is my mum died of a heart attach... with no warning , as it came out of the blue ... I’d talked to her that morning and the last thing I said to her was “see ya tomorrow, mum” there was no tomorrow, she died later that day... I never got the chance to hold her, or tell her just how much I loved her ... she was my best buddy and we did everything together...  what I would have given for just one more day ... 

you have the chance to make every day count .. you can hold his hand, look through albums, you can find out things he did as a child ... go places ... do things to make this time bearable... it’s o.k to cry together and if you can do all this you’ll even find things that will make you smile ... these memories you make now will stay in your heart forever ... no one can take them away ... leave nothing unsaid ... I will never get that chance ...

im now on my cancer journey, and that’s how me and my son and close family are doing ... my son took me and my granddaughter out for the day... and my son had put my 70s music on in the car, and coz a lot of the songs are in modern films even my granddaughter knew the words and we did our own carpool  karaoke..... a wonderful memorie we can all remember ... you have that chance too so grab it with both hands and I’m sure your dad will be really proud of his little girl .... so take care of your wonderful loving heart.... big hug Chrisie ❤️ Xx

Re: Struggling to stay strong.

20 Nov 2017 15:08 in response to Yvette95

Sorry to hear about your dad’s diagnosis and how you’re feeling. It can be hard to realise that the person who has always looked after us and been the strong one in our life isn’t invincible after all – it’s only natural to be going through the grieving process. This sounds obvious but it often does help to talk about how you’re feeling. If you don’t want to talk to friends or family, forums like this can be a great help and Macmillian Cancer Support have a freephone number you can call to get advice about all the emotions related to a cancer diagnosis 0808 808 00 00.

Re: Struggling to stay strong.

21 Nov 2017 20:09 in response to Yvette95

Hi Yvette, 

I'm really sorry to hear about your dad's diagnosis. I went through something similar with my mum and I reacted to her diagnosis in a very similar manner to how you're reacting to your dad's. I too bottled everything up and cried alone at night. I was scared and didn't know how to deal with her illness and the fact I would lose her because I had just turned 17 when she was diagnosed.

It's hard to hear that you only have a certain amount of time left with a family member you love so much but please don't allow that to tarnish the time you have left together; make EVERY second count and take every opportunity to tell him how much he means to you. I didn't do this and now that my mum has passed I feel so guilty for it. If it helps you then seeing a counsellor might be a way to vent whatever you're feeling to someone who isn't your dad and then you might find it easier to spend time with him without getting angry. I hpoe this helps and again I'm so sorry xx Hol

Re: Struggling to stay strong.

23 Nov 2017 15:45 in response to Yvette95
Hi Yvette, Im so sorry to hear about your Dad, Im going through the same sort of situation as you. Myself I'm 21 year old and My Dad was diagnosed in August 2016 with Lung Cancer and he has developed terminal Brain Cancer and hasn't got long left.Not sure whether he will actually make Christmas. Its the worst pain to go through and I don't know how to deal with my emotions myself. I keep being brave and thinking I don't need to talk to anyone but I think this is whats making my emotions worse because I'm just bottling them up and not talking about. I'm a big Daddy's Girl myself and seeing and looking back on photos of what my Dad did use to look it literally breaks my heart. My dad as well not coping with the situation very well even more now hes been placed in Hospice for his end of life care as he sort of knows what going but doesn't. My poor mum as well only had 8 hour brain operation to take 2 brain aneurysms out about 2 weeks ago and she unable to care for my Dad anymore. I feel you pain honestly and were the same age so if you ever need a chat and talk my ears are always open. Katherine XX