Together we will beat cancer


Stroke and refusal of treatment

7 Mar 2018 00:51

This is a very specific scenario which I haven't been able to find comparable to anything else online, so here goes:

My Dad recently had a stroke, and quite simply is refusing to even get seen by a doctor. He lives in Spain and I live in UK so communication can only be done over the phone, due to this I have limited information on the specifics. This is a scenario I have predicted and run over in my head 1000s of times, due to his general disregard for his health (drinker, smoker, rubbish food eater and does no exercise) and the fact that he has talked to me about his own death more times than I care to remember. I have had reason to believe he has lung cancer, the man hasn't been to a doctor or dentist in my lifetime (I turn 30 in 3 days) The point is, he -will not- be treated. There is no convincing him, so he is just suffering it out at home. 

There is nothing practical I or anyone else (medical professional or otherwise) can do to help or improve things for him, and to intervene in any way would be strictly against his wishes. He is the most stubborn person I have ever met, and he was the very first person I met. Due to this and a life-long commitment to alcohol, he and I haven't had the best of relationships. I am way out of my depth. Do I fly over and say good bye? 

Re: Stroke and refusal of treatment

9 Mar 2018 10:01 in response to MRG10

Welcome to Cancer Chat MRG10 although I'm sorry for the reason you are posting.

There are quite a few members on the forum that have been through this with their parents and loved ones so will know how difficult it is to be in a situation like this and hopefully some of them will be along soon to offer their advice and share their experiences with you. 

Whether you decide to fly over to say goodbye or try to encourage him to see a doctor one last time, the Cancer Chat community will be here to support you every step of the way.

Kind regards, 

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

Re: Stroke and refusal of treatment

9 Mar 2018 10:51 in response to MRG10

Hi there MRG10...  it must all be confusing and heartbraking for you ... all I can say is what I'd do in your place .. I'd go over for a couple of days, with an open mind ... I'd respect his wishes, whatever they are ..  and really LISTEN to each other, MEND some bridges, forgive the past... and share hugs and maybe a few tears .... but weather he has many or few months at least you can both have a lovely memory of the meeting ... sending you a hug ... Chrissie xx