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Sister with cancer

14 Mar 2018 09:49

Hi I'm Alison, my sister who' been like a mother to me has stage 4. I' up and down guilty and sad, not coping very well with her situation,  question is am I normal to avoid the topic and shut down. 

Re: Sister with cancer

14 Mar 2018 10:30 in response to Alison_h

Hello Alison; welcome to this forum.  Sorry to hear about your sister; what cancer does she have and what are the doctors saying about treatment.  You don't actually have to tell us any of these things but it is helpful to get a bit of a feel for your situation.

I don't think there is a "normal" in this situation; everyone reacts in their own way.  I am guessing you and your sister are living in your own separate homes.  I am attaching some information from this website which you might find useful about how to support a relative diagnosed with cancer.  I don't know how much your sister is relying on you for support and I think you need to try to follow her lead especially if she does not have much other family support.  If your role is more peripheral you can take a bit of time to come to terms with the situation.  If you feel you should perhaps be engaging more with your sister - and this might not be necessary at this moment - you could perhaps get some help for yourself by ringing either the nurses on the CRUK website (see details at the bottom of this screen - there is a Freefone number and you can reach them Mon-Fri 9am-5pm) or MacMillan Cancer Support Mon-Fri 9am-8pm; they will help and advise anyone affected by cancer.  This has been a big shock for you so you need to take whatever help you need in order to help your sister; be kind to yourself.  Best wishes.  Annie


Re: Sister with cancer

14 Mar 2018 12:38 in response to Alison_h

Hi Alison ... bless ya, it is so natural to avoid facing cancer and all it entails ... but my hunny, if you can look this cancer strait in its eye and say it's not gonna stop making the most of every day, and when you find the strength to just listen to her and how she feels, there maybe something she wants to do ... things she needs to say ... but scared of upsetting anyone ...

If you can walk this journey she's on, holding her hand and sharing tears, hugs, and admitting your both scared and confused , you'll do more for her then you'll ever realise ..

My sister is in the later stages of dementure and she's angry, confused, lives in the past where she so wants to go home to our mum... and she's been gone 28 years now ... but as hard as it is, l hold her hand, tell her how much I love her .. l relive the past with her ... and you know, sometimes I just come home and sob at the thought of my big sis going through this cruel journey... but if we can do this for them .. later well look back, and feel proud that we did it ... I've heard of brothers in arms ... but we can be sister's in arms too ...

So from one sister to another , I'm sending a big vertual hug ... you can do this ... Chrissie ❤