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sharing my fears

14 Jan 2013 23:40

I'm such a mess!

I'm waiting for the clinical decision about the probability of being or not being operated and i'm so worried. I can't stop of thinking about the possibility of will do  lymphadenectomy..I can't stop thinking. I know that i can't cope if the lymphadenectomy results on lymphedema...I'm in panic, really!
Now i'm watching  the possibility of my cure in hopeful way but thinking of no quality of life, forever...

I feel like I'm being spectator of my degradation, losing parts of my body and I can not do anything. I never imagined that someday come to think that I could lose parts of my body ...

tks all!

Re: sharing my fears

15 Jan 2013 09:06 in response to sofia

Hi Sofia

Bet you awake (sleeplessness goes hand in hand with the worrying does'nt it) . Waiting is awful and hope its not too long for you. To be dealing with all this at such a young age must be very hard  and I do hope you  have lots of home support.  Felt for you when I read your post this morning and wished I had seen it last night though words are hard to find as I suspect you know far more than I about what you are facing. If only we had a shut down switch so we could stop thinking for a few hours. This is not  a solution to your woes but remember you are always beautiful on the inside no matter what they take away as its your personality that will carry you through. You are so good on the forum and thats so hard when you are suffering. Have a really good cry, feel sorry for yourself for a bit (we just cant be strong all the time) and take the virtual hugs I am now sending as a start to the days challenge. Every good wish for a better day today and am thinking of you.Jules

Re: sharing my fears

15 Jan 2013 11:38 in response to sofia

Oh Sohia,

I really feel for you, waiting for decisions that may have such a profound affect on your life. I can understand what you say although I have never had to have an operation. For once I don't know what to say to try and make you feel better, and I apologise for that, so I'm feeling a bit of a failure at the moment Sofia. I have always been a very positive person and I think you are too under normal circumstances Sofia, It's just that you have had so many problems during the past few months. I hope that things sort themselves out very quickly and you are soon back to the Sofia we all know and love. Sending you best wishes, Brian.

Re: sharing my fears

15 Jan 2013 14:10 in response to woodworm

Tks both.

I received the clinical decision this morning and the news weren´t good.

I

don't know why I need to lose so many things on my body.

Really i'm not good, and I guess I won't be so soon.

Take care, Sofia

Re: sharing my fears

15 Jan 2013 14:49 in response to sofia

A am so sorry Sofia that you have the bad news you did not want to hear and like Brian I am lost for words (my hubby wont believe this!!). No one deserves this awful illness and all I can offer is the support of this forum and all your friends here whilst you continue your cancer battle and and when you feel like talking. Take care Jules 

Re: sharing my fears

15 Jan 2013 21:59 in response to sofia

Oh Sofia, I am so sorry to hear your news Words cannot describe how angry I am that someone so young has to keep getting knocked down and getting all this bad news. You're right! It isn't fair!

I wish I had some words to help but all I can do is be here and keep wishing, hoping, praying, sending your positive vibes and keeping you in my thoughts. I'm here if you need me Sofia. I completely agree with Jules, you are a smart, warm, gentle, bright, kind and gloriously beautiful young woman who has brought a load of courage and hope to the forum. We can all see how special you are and there is nothing that can take away the wonderful and complex "Sofia" that shines through no matter what challenges have been placed before you. You have the support of this forum and all the lovely people on it to walk with you as you face this next horrible stage I know that you feel lonely but you do have the love and support of all your family and friends. Nothing is going to change that.

Take care and best wishes Sofia. ((((((((((((((sofia)))))))))))))))))

Greeneyes

PS. Your mailbox is full and I can't write to you.

Re: sharing my fears

16 Jan 2013 11:37 in response to sofia

Oh Sofia,

I am so sorry you have had yet more bad news. I would just like to say I fully endorse all that Jules and Greeneyes have said. We are all thinking of you and hoping things will soon be better. You have helped so many on this forum while suffering greatly and that shows the wonderful person you are. I am so sad you are going through this.

Please take care of yourself for you are very special to all of us on here Sofia and are loved by everyone who has had contact with you on here.

Love and kind thoughts, Brian

Re: sharing my fears

17 Jan 2013 00:44 in response to sofia

Hey Sofia

just returned to the site - saw your post and wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you and wondering how you are?!! So sad your news was not good!! I'm not sure exactly what it means but I know in time you will pick up regroup and find your feet and your way!! I wish there was something I could do or say!!

Sending a BIG HUG!! X Ann

Re: sharing my fears

17 Jan 2013 01:26 in response to Afaith

Hi Sofia

I am so sorry to hear that you may be awaiting surgery and am just writing to you to say that the reality is not nearly as bad as we imagine beforehand. I had a lumpectomy and 7 lymph nodes removed in 2010. In 2011 developed another primary cancer in the same breast. I also had a lump in my other breast so opted for a double mastectomy. This time no lymph nodes were removed. Believe it or not, I found this procedure much easier than the lumpectomy!

It can be a nuisance trying to get the right prosthetics for every occasion or to get suitable bras and swimwear, but other than that I am doing fine and I'm sure that you will too..

Keep in touch and let us know how things progress. If I can be of any help to you meanwhile please contact me. I'm sure that all will go well.

Jolamine xx ¿