Hi RM21,

I'm really sorry that your going through this. Cancer is a very scary and sudden thing like there's no warning. The good thing is that it's localised which means it can hopefully be dealt with soon.

My mum's got it at the moment so I know how you must be feeling. I'm looking after her, my disabled brother and father. I used to feel angry because I wanted to fix it and felt helpless in doing so especially because I'm so close to mum and she's my best friend. There were days she wouldn't talk, felt guilty, would be moody and depressed. That's just how people cope with it. Your husband is probably trying to process it. I know it can be hard because you want to help, but I told mum that I understand her need to be alone and process things, but that I'm here for her when she's ready to talk about it. It's hard being patient but when he's ready to talk he will. It might even help getting some counselling as it's not easy to deal with. 

Thet main thing is, that you need to take care of yourself. You only know what your going through so don't be afraid of opening up to those around you. 

This forum is an excellent platform to speak to people going through similar things, so you'll find a lot of support here.

Speak to Macmillan nurses to see what information and resources are available for your husband so you can support him more.

In my experience, don't put your life on hold, try to establish a routine that involves time for you. Start meditating, get some counselling if it helps (it did for me), get a good workout in at the gym, go for massages etc basically empower your self through healthy choices so you'll feel stronger to cope and support your family. I got this book "kicking cancer in the kitchen" which is really good.

I pray that it works out well for you all.

Thank you for your kind words. I know I have to be strong for me and our girls. My hubby is spending most days sleeping, I think this is his way of dealing with it. If he could walk maybe he would be coping with it a bit better, lack if mobility is not helping.

Just reading your post has given me the extra push I needed to help us get through this, thank you.

I hope you continue to have the strength for your family. :)

Sleep is a great healer, restores body and mind. 

My husband and me got the cancer news last Thursday.  He totally went into himself which is so not like him.  He sat in the chair most of the day.  Today is the first day he has kinda been normal.  He is scared I am sure, he will have to have major surgery for his cancer if his triple by-pass heart will stand up to it.  I cannot imagine how he feels.  I know how I do, angry, scared, sad with the most darkest of thoughts.  It is not easy for us, but doubly hard for our loved ones.  Take care of yourself.  Hugs