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Regrets after mum died

17 Sep 2019 08:55 in response to Brokenhearted69

It’s utter torment isn’t it.  Just thoughts going over and over in our heads.  Your mum was most likely unconscious in the ambulance and Her last awareness and memory would have been in the comfort of her home I’m sure.  


Funeral for mum is this Thursday I’m doing the Eulogy. We have chosen her favourite songs. She is wearing what she wore on her 70th back in April. Mum never discussed her funeral. She was so afraid of death.  She is being cremated. Dad is taking some of her ashes and I’m taking some to scatter near me at a waterfall here in Cornwall . 

Regrets after mum died

17 Sep 2019 10:54 in response to Beach45

You know its impossible to be there 24 hours a day so dont feel bad your punishing yourself for being a caring daughter lizs daughter barlely came at all just breezed in said had to be home for her daughter so you did all you could know one knows a time we are going to die your mum could have hung on for weeks then what whould you have done keep talking about your feelings its the best way if you were a bottle full of feelings and didnt empty them out you would remain full of  them empty them out and there gone all exept a bit which you can never get out but you can cope with that i had thoes feelings to the grief counciler told me the same you just cant be there all the time and as i came back to my sences i realised that to in the end and it took months i realised i was just punishing myself but you know you will eventualy realise that as your emotions get stronger there no way of dealing with death in a lodgical way but you will get through this . These guilt feelings will go because athough your feeling them now its false guilt . Ive lost my mum dad relatives a partner and its all agony and guilt and loss but we keep going for our kids bless ya .paul

Regrets after mum died

17 Sep 2019 12:00 in response to Paulus

Ah Paul such lovely comforting words thank you.  It’s constant guilt and what ifs.  Thinking back to things I might have said or done 20 years ago.  I hated her smoking I wish I didn’t give her hassle about it now. But she did die from possible lung cancer.  I will get some counselling because they do put it all perspective at time when there is no perspective I guess.  Sounds like Liz was very lucky to have you. 

Regrets after mum died

17 Sep 2019 12:38 in response to Beach45

Thanks . Hi i certainly wouldnt feel guilty about trying to get your mum to stop smoking theres always a other way of thinking when these things come into your head ye it stinks but it was for your mums health in the end every bit of guilt you feel will have a diffeent view .you will sort it out in your own head eventualy i dont know wether you remember wurzal gummag tv series at the moment your wearing your emotional head as you get stronger you get your logical head back on then you will think why am i blaming myself for doing things to try and help mum .yes do try counciling but it hurts at the beggining but if you cantact local hospic they are experianced at this and can help you with your feelings because goodness the strongest of us need help at times .so one day at a time eh take it slow . Best wishs paul

Regrets after mum died

18 Sep 2019 14:28 in response to Paulus

Paul and Beach you have been tremendous support and comfort to me this last week. Want to thank you from the bottom of my broken heart.

I registered mum’s death today.  It’s taken a week and as I signed the certificate it was the exact time she passed at 10:30 am.  I burst into tears. Poor registrar was a bit surprised.

Now it’s all the will to sort and trying to unlock bank accounts to see what’s what. She did all the money and dad doesn’t even have online banking or anything. Sad

Regrets after mum died

18 Sep 2019 14:55 in response to Brokenhearted69

Your wellcome we know what your going through just plod on slow if it gets to much stop and have a rest you'll get through it . Try not to make any big desisions same with your dad . I dont have online banking myself i try to keep everything simple ime from the old school when i was young all there was was a phone box if needed to talk to someone you walked round .yet ime very good with smartphones if not for that i would miss half my appointments if your dad kept food on the table paid the bills thats a credit to him were taught to do that it was our job .