Together we will beat cancer



10 Jan 2018 22:44

Hi my partner is 50 miles away looking after his mum.He has been away for 8 weeks now .Im at home with our 3 boys trying cope I also have two older sisters one in carehome on permanent oxygen the other in her house with severe depression .I lost my mum at 17 n dad when I was 2.I feel im not supporting my partner and I feel so guiltyas he is so far away.I manged xmas etc with boys was sad but I had to try n make it hapy for them .My partners mum is getting weaker she hasnt ate in days since yest she hasnt spoke the carers hospice lady etc are in every day.He sounds so sad when he phones me and scared sometimes angry at himself I hate sein him like this and I dont want to say about missing him and wanting him home because I know hes only coming home when his mum passes away .The lastweek has been so hard on him watching his mum go downhill so quick she has pain drive in now and cathater.He said I  dont think she hears me nowI said just keep holding her hand and talk to her .I realy dont know how else to help him .Thankyou for reading this 


12 Jan 2018 12:30 in response to BLUEBELLGLEN


It must be tough on your partner too being away from you and the kids for so long. But he knows he can't leave his Mum as she doesn't have long left and would feel guilty leaving her. The only support you can give your partner is being the listening ear at the other end of the phone. Just let him know you love him and your here for him at this sad time when he's about to lose his mum. You can give him more support once he's back home with you and the family. To me it sounds like she really doesn't have long at all so these next few days to maybe a week or so are going to be extremely important. 

My Dad passed away in August. I think it was about a week or so after a syringe driver was fitted. He stopped eating and found it hard to swallow liquids. Then he went into a deep sleep. He slept all the way through Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. The Wednesday evening he died. Despite the lack of response, hearing is apparently the last thing to go when someone is dying. So it is important for him to carry on talking to his mum and hold her hand so she knows she isn't alone. 


12 Jan 2018 14:52 in response to Butterfly89
ty they have took her into hospice this morning said that if they can get her settled in few days they are going bring her back home? prob at moment is she hasnt opened her bowels for days they tried supposatries liquid laxitives .She has had lot stomach pain but not sure if thats due to the constipation waiting on him phoning me thankyou


13 Jan 2018 00:53 in response to BLUEBELLGLEN

Yes it is possible that after a short stay in the hospice she may be allowed home. This will give her some respite meaning your partner will get a little break whilst they adjust any medication and try and make her comfortable and pain free. If she hasn't been eating then that will also contribute to the constipation. Hopefully they can sort it out and maybe your partner will get a better insight into what is to be expected in upcoming days/weeks etc. If they allow her home then I would assume she is well enough unless it is noted that she wants to die at home then they won't bother keeping her in.