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Pain of losing my Mum

23 Oct 2021 07:16

The pain is unbearable. She died 2 weeks ago and the funeral is a week on Friday... So much to sort before then... Apparently I'm being snappy, but inside it's because the pain is so great... I don't know what to do as nothing anyone can do really helps - I just want my mum back... Can't believe she's gone...  Help! 

Pain of losing my Mum

23 Oct 2021 19:05 in response to Gutted44InShock

Hi Gutted44InShock,

I'm so very sorry for your loss. 

At this time, so soon after the your mums passing; you're right, whatever anyone does, it doesn't lessen the pain. Your grief ; even for those who have experienced the same loss, they can only understand a little of what you must be feeling but when you say the pain is unbearable, I can relate to that. Definitely the shock because that's what is is. 

My beautiful mum died of blood cancer just over 3 years ago and I think about her every day. The most honest thing somebody told me on the day mum died was that 'you don't get over it'. That is true but you do have to try and come to terms with it, I'm still on my journey but I will say that the raw pain does ease. But you have to let yourself grieve whenever that moment is, I've sobbed in front of strangers in a supermarket, there is no time limit, whatever you feel at any time is normal. As you said, even now, it's difficult to grasp that my mum is gone, I would do anything, anything to have her back, I know that feeling. 

I believe that our mum's are still around in spirit, they want us to smile but understand when we cry. A few people on this forum say that they 'talk' to a photo of their mum, I do that, I don't want to leave mum out of my day. I found just going out for a walk helped and certainly coming onto this forum, others that can relate to what you're going through.My GP was very good too and although I didn't take any prescription drugs, I found natural lavender tablets helped me personally.

Don't think or worry about being snappy, I have since retired but was in a business to business role, I was always surprised nobody reported me for being 'so angry'! I promise , you will be stronger than you think, it's such a hard journey and it must look never-ending at the moment, people say that you have to take a day at a time or even an hour at a time, no right or wrong way. 

 I wish you all the strength, hope you will be ok at the funeral and you have family to help at this difficult time. Come back onto this forum if it helps.


Pain of losing my Mum

25 Oct 2021 12:30 in response to Gutted44InShock

Hi, I am so so sorry to hear of your mums passing. 

I lost my mum coming up to 3 weeks tomorrow. 
we found out she had cancer in September and then 3 weeks and 4 days later she was gone. 
We had her funeral on the Friday just gone which was beautiful for mum, however there was so so much to plan. Me and my sister didn't realise how much goes into a funeral, this was our 7th funeral we have ever been to (im 27 and she is 30) and it struck us that this was the first funeral where we needed to plan it all, that we are no longer kids. Good luck with all of your funeral preparations, I hope the day goes as easy as it can. 
I think up until the funeral was over I had actually been in a state of numbness, I have cried but the moment I started crying it was over. Since the funeral I've actually cried and cried and cried. It now hurts and it's hard to think of mum without crying. I'm not sure what the future holds for us all, we've just got to ride this wave of grief I suppose, each wave being different from the previous and also from each others . I do hope we get to see our mums someday.


Please do not worry about whether you are coming across as snappy, it's an incredibly stressful time for you and the people who are there for you will understand this right now. 

i guess I just replied so that you know you are not alone, again I'm so sorry for your loss. 

Pain of losing my Mum

26 Oct 2021 00:18 in response to Januarybutterfly

Hi I'm sorry for your huge loss. I lost my mother eighteen months ago. She was my best friend and I moved in to live with her and look after her as she was failing. We spent our time chatting and going on short day trips.  I was devasted when she got sick and was in and out of hospital for three months. I never thought she would pass away I was in denial. I cried so much after she passed I was drained. I'm lost without her still and feel my world has been turned upside down. I feel alone in my life.  Now the grief is intermittent. Today was a bad day as I was at her house. Everything has changed in life. It takes time to feel ok again. So I try to be patient with myself. It's such a huge loss. We will get through this. Breda x