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Oh brother

16 Sep 2019 00:14

My sister in law of 39 years aged 55 died only 3 weeks ago what began initially being treated for a frozen shoulder for a long time,  My brother got her to see her GP ASAP as physically she was exhausted with excruciating pain.  Had blood tests which eventually lead her to be hospitalised due to possible infection, After discharge she was soon to be admitted again ....  which sadly she never returned home ...  her diagnosis initiatially was a sarcoma in her left arm ... worst senorio was thought to be the loss of her arm .. but at least she would be alive, because my brother understood and would endeavour to care for her deeply as he was totally devoted and loved her so much ....  having being told a biopsy was to be carried out to see if the tumour could be removed , in the 5 weeks in hospital it never got carried out as she became more ill , in the 5th week she was transdered to HDU as her oxygen levels were very low,  devastating news was then told that her primary cancer came from her lungs and now metastatic ..... my brother did so well, he was with her every day visiting and helping her with personal care  he just loved her so much, when he told me that she probably wouldn’t make it through the weekend we were just numb , sadly she died 9 hours later with my brother at her side , her funeral was last week,  My brother is now in bits he is finding it so hard to comes terms and misses her like I’ve never seen him before, I wish I could take away the pain, just never seen this coming and happened so quick ,  we were planning so many good time ahead,  I feel so sick , my body aches for him, I just don’t know how he is going to cope and worry and cry all the time, they 2 peas in a pod , he looks so empty , I just don’t know what to do... seeing like this is killing me

Oh brother

17 Sep 2019 20:14 in response to Mgm1962

Hello Mgm1962

I'm so very sorry to read the news about your sister in law. From your post it sounds as if the past few months have been very hard for you all. Your brother sounds as if he loved his wife very much and now that all the practical elements of the funeral etc have been completed it's unsurprising prehaps that the grief has now hit him so hard.

I'm sure that it's already been said, but it's still true, that this is very early days in his journey with grief. I'm sure that having you there to support him through this will be invaluable. One thing that may also be worth considering is grief counselling. You can find more information about this on our website here or alternatively give your local GP a call to ask about services in your area. 

Of course you are also grieving too so please look after yourself as well. There are many people here on the forum who have been in similar positions to both you and your brother. Hopefully as I've replied you will receive some additional responses. 

Best wishes, 
Jenn
Cancer Chat moderator

Oh brother

18 Sep 2019 14:56 in response to Mgm1962

Hello Mgm I lost my mum on 11th Sept. she had terminal cancer but went very suddenly. She was diagnosed 2 years ago but dad was always hopeful that as long as he kept the pain und control she could go on indefinitely.  We knew differently but even so she went last Wednesday of just cardiac arrest and goodness knows what else.  My dad called 999 and saw his wife and soulmate disappear into an ambulance with them pumping on her chest and next thing she is gone forever.

he’s also in bits, he can’t be alone, is crying and angry and just broken.  I haven’t been home for a week as i don’t want to leave him. We have friends and family coming round all the time... 

I dont have any answers.... I’m in the same boat... look after yourself.  Ask friends for support, help him get counselling... 

it’s a week for us though, and he’s definitely getting better each day and cooked dinner last night, he’s getting showered and dressed, he’s promised to not drink too much.

baby steps xx